Single after 7 years

I didn't see it coming but here I am after these 7 short years. Our house sold last month (waiting on a closing date), she moved out last week, my credit is tossed up and I've got two dogs.

So I not only have heartbreak to deal with but I'll be homeless soon if I can't figure myself out....which isn't so rough but the dogs, that we've raised together (the big one fit in her lap on the ride home), might have to go soon as well.

We had our frustrations, we had money issues - her mom added to them, I wanted a family/she wanted a career...so we've grown apart.

The wine has been flowing, sleep hasn't been had and the end is well and truly here. Help a stranger out ATS - how do I put the pieces back together?

The beauty about the human mind is that it forgets, and pain fades. Protect your career, take care of your health, be safe at night clubs if you take that route, and be happy that you didnt have children with this woman of conditional love. Conditional love is closer to infatuation, and can quickly fade. Learn from this experience, and grow through it. Embrace the good you got from it and discard the rest. Take care Brother

a reply to: mikeone718

Been there, done that.

Enjoy your freedom! You can always rebuild. Get out and travel, do all the things you want. It might be hard to imagine, but your better off now if you decide to be.

And don't get married again. Go MGTOW. Marraige is a raw deal for men.

Ghost

Im sorry to hear about your situation. I see that you are from the BX (as am I) if you have family that you can stay with, even if out of state, I can give you some info via U2U to get free tickets to go there, even if for little while to get your head together. That might help with the living situation. Good luck.

Peace, NRE.

a reply to: mikeone718

OK brother... This will be hard to swallow but here it is!!

It's not your fault bro!!!!! It really isn't!!!!!

It's not your fault!!!!! Don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault!!!!! It really is, not your fault!!!!!

Get piss drunk, read that Iver and over again until you finish wallowing in your own self pity!!!

Download " pof" to you phone!!!

If you just need a few girls to make you feel better, this blue eyed devil knows the ladies, well those types, I'm not as good with the keepers!!!

Found one of my own by lottery honestly.

Get on pof, add a few good pics, say HI to locals ladies, I can guarantee a date within 2 days easily!!!

This us the number one dating app in the world!!!

Only use thevfree service, paying makes you look desperate!!!

You aren't!!

Even if you are, YOU ARENT!!!!!

BTW I know some sights to " hook up" that work..... I chickened out the dozen times I could have hooked up for "NSA" no strings attached fun....

Just seemed too cheap to me, but if that is what you need to kick your self esteem in the ass... I'm not judging brother!!!

We men need to feel manly sometimes just to stroke our egos!!!

I'm not one, I'm a narcissistic prick, my ego needs the type if girl that cuts me off at the knees, just to keep me down to earth.

My girl isn't even that hot, but her personality..... She is my other half, for all my bluster and ego, she will kick me in the nutz, and make fun of me for being butt hurt about it!!!

I can help, I have a decade of being single, was always looking, but until I used the lottery system of pof.... Just sheer volume made it inevitable!!!

I had many potential ladies, but chose the one that had what I wanted, I went on many dates in a short time...... Many despite their " not just looking to hook up" tags on their profiles were just trying to take me home at the end of the date.

My cocky personality and very confident demeanor just does it for them, always has honestly.


Be confident, be forward!!!

Just be a man man!!!

Women want a man, a strong confident man.

Even if you have to fake it because you don't feel it, you can be anyone you want if you are just hooking up!!!

You should honestly probably just hook up a few times to get the ex off your mind.

Do not lie!!

Do not act like you want a relationship if you don't!!!!

Just be honest!!!

The results may suprise you!!!

Do not give in to despair!!!

I did for a long time, I will not help you ever, it will only make you bitter!!!

Don't go there, I will never help anything ever.

Hit me up if you need advice or just to vent brother!!!

I know it hurts bro......it hurts real bad!!!!

Venting will help!!!!

Don't compress it, that will not help you ever, let it out!!!

Either in public in the forum, or in a PM to me, it is cool either way man, but don't hold it in!!!

No matter what, good luck brother, your ATS family loves you man, we can help, if we do nothing but listen!!!

The first beer is on me !

Here's the thing, if you have no huge issues, are employed, love dogs and ATS and she doesn't get that you are an awesome human being - her loss.

Do not waste one more minute of the rest of your life on that person.

Do everything you can to situate yourself and your dogs. Don't mask your sense of confusion or uncertainty with substances. Eat clean. Take care of your health. Don't spend time looking in the review mirror, just determine to thrive in the now. Get out of your own head, march forward and try to do good in the world.

Sending a prayer out to the Universe for you. ((hug))

It will be ok man. Remember, there is no such thing as too late to start over. The only way we grow mentally and spiritually in ourselves is going through bad times like the one you are having now. Please dip into your best friends and your family for support. Have them take care of your dogs if you have no place for them to be, until you get a home of your own or an apartment/rental that allows animals. To me, pets are family and losing them would only dramatically slow down your healing process through this ordeal and make your heart heavier with false guilt and hatred for everyone and everything else around you - again that slows everything down and it isn't good for any dimension of your health.

I know this is nothing compared to what you are going through, but I ran into an issue a while back where I suddenly became unemployed. Cue in everything negative that comes along with that and anyone can understand the crap that I had to deal with. tl;dr I ended up getting a job again. But in between, I grew wiser and more mature from this learning experience. You, too, will change from this and only for the better.

Oh and by the way, don't get married again. Ever.

Dueces mate and good luck. Don't forget that all of us here are thinking about you. We're human just like you.

Breathe in
Count to four
Breathe out
Count to four

Best advice I ever got from a video game.

Been through that wringer.
15 years tossed into the garbage can.
Gather your # and move forward.
Life is good.

Drink and enjoy bud! Being single is fun! Do stuff you have always wanted to do and go hog wild. Dont view it as her fault your fault just go in peace. Have a positive attitude and go on a two week vacation somewhere you always wanted to go. Travel helps heal the heart. Sad it didnt work out. But you want a family she doesnt she will have a long life by herself. But you dont have to. Enjoy!

Thank you all for the words and advice.

Just have to keep on keepin on.

Simply put: you take whatever out of you wasn't serving your highest purpose, & put yourself back together on terms of efficiency.



I've had the experience of having far more of a developed relationship with spiritual guardians & the work & assistance they provide for me than any physical woman incarnate.

Breathe & rebuild what you treasure about yourself.

My only advice is:

• Don't run your emotions into the ground 24/7 with the pain and feelings of loss. Feel them, but don't focus on them to the exclusion of all else. It can really impact your physical health after a while. You know that feeling you get when you suddenly realize, "Oh my god, she's really gone, we're really over," like the floor dropping out from under you, or like you're going over a hill on a rollercoaster, in your stomach? That's the physical sensation of grief and loss, and it really, genuinely can have an impact on your health, including your cardiovascular health, after a while. Not to mention your immune system. I became sick for some time after a long term relationship ended. Take care of your physical health, now more than ever, not just your emotions.
  
• Find distractions. With time, the seering pain you now feel will diminish, but the time it takes can be long and arduous, and distraction is good. Put all of the devotion and love you had for her into something - anything - else. Whether it be something to help others, a hobby, a particularly long, grindy video game, a research project... whatever engages your mind and let's you feel fully distracted. The longer the better. This will take a while.
  
• Don't binge eat or drink. Moderate indulgence right now is probably soothing and not a bad thing, but be mindful of your health and not letting it get off track.
  
• The first time a very wise friend of mine had his heart broken he made a vow to himself. "It will never hurt as bad as it does this time again." He was right, and it never did. Your first profound love is always the most painful to let go of, especially if it lasted a long time.
  
• Remember that there are just as many single people in the world who are happy and fulfilled being that way as there are people in happy, fulfilling relationships. I know right now that's hard to see and truly feel (I couldn't either,) but it's true. I've been single for ten years this December, and while it took forever, I no longer feel lonely, heartbroken, or miserable. It has been an opportunity to learn to love myself more and figure out the mystery of being happy without being dependent on female companionship, something I seem to always long for and "need" to feel fulfilled - which is now no longer the case, even if it took me years to figure out.
  
• Don't cultivate bitterness or resentment. Remember that this was a person you loved and wanted to devote your life to making happy and sharing experiences with. That person is still there. The nature of your relatedness has just changed into something new. Breakups don't have to be acrimonious or adversarial. I remain best friends with my ex - and I hesitate to even call her that, as it carries negative connotations for a lot of people. She's simply my friend.
  

Good luck, and if you need to talk, I know many here would be happy to oblige.

Peace.

Some things break down so better pieces can be put back together. I know it's tough I personally can not relate to 7 years but I can definitely relate to struggle and every struggle is a blessing. Adversity is the best character creator and hopefully you make it through this time and become a better and stronger man

Good luck bro

originally posted by: mikeone718
I didn't see it coming but here I am after these 7 short years. Our house sold last month (waiting on a closing date), she moved out last week, my credit is tossed up and I've got two dogs.

So I not only have heartbreak to deal with but I'll be homeless soon if I can't figure myself out....which isn't so rough but the dogs, that we've raised together (the big one fit in her lap on the ride home), might have to go soon as well.

We had our frustrations, we had money issues - her mom added to them, I wanted a family/she wanted a career...so we've grown apart.

The wine has been flowing, sleep hasn't been had and the end is well and truly here. Help a stranger out ATS - how do I put the pieces back together?

She does not love you. You do not want to be with anyone who does not love you. You tell yourself maybe things could have been different...well they certainly could have been different....but no matter what you do you can never make someone love you. No money, no love that you offer, no kindness, no job, no title, no genius or imagination can make someone love you. Perhaps you could have changed things so that she stayed....but no matter what you cannot make her love you.

She does not love you.. so say goodbye to what could have been. That is what you mourn..not her...you mourn what could have been.

Now go out and make what can be ...with someone who loves you.

Man up buddy, leave the wine, get out of the house, do exercise, take a few walks or runs, and always but always believe in yourself! If it wasnt meant to be, then it wasnt, im sure you will find someone else, just dont self destruct yourself in the process, you will grow stronger and more mature after this, believe me.

a reply to: mikeone718

Even if You realize who's fault the break-up may be from, DO NOT DWELL ON THAT!! Just go forth and create a NEW Beginning to a new life! Just take it easy, take Your Time... Do not go looking for a new Gal. If another relationship is meant to be, it will happen. Just move forward, not looking back, and let what will be, be... If another woman is meant to be in Your life, She will come along when it is time... I think if You force another relationship, it may be strewn with problems. Just My thoughts here. Best of GOOD LUCK for You!!!

The old relationship has come to a close.
Take some time to see a new one develope; Take some time to repose.

The other Woman sounded like, not the right one for a good Wife.
She must have been one who was self centered, maybe even decietful, possibly full of strife.

And now Your life is about to get better, to unfold before You.
Another story to be written. Your new life; a part two.

I hope it will be one that is even better, than before.
Now get ready for a new adventure, just walk through the door...

Syx...

First, man, be true to yourself and stay that way!

Stay sober, getting drunk doesn't help. Buy yourself a spiral notebook and start writing the pros and cons of your situation right now. Then write the pros and cons of what your experiences are (job and personal like hobbies, etc.) Write down two columns of friends and acquaintances - ones that would help and ones your're not sure about. Also write down potential habitations like the Y or Salvation Army or something along those lines. Don't be a "hero" and try to stay out in the park or something along those lines. If you have a vehicle, trade it for a van or something like that - something you can keep and transport your possessions in.

Write down you thoughts and what you could do in the future and refer to it often and add to it. It will be the best thing you can do at this trying time.

Good Luck and do not give up. She ain't worth it...

meh women come and go...

Scaring is needed to become a man...

Get your crap together, dont lose your job, and work yourself out...

First goal is to maintain income, accept the pain, persevere thru it or fail..

It is that simple...

Another reminder in life their are very few that love you or give a crap about you....

It seems life knocked you on your ass.. I would recommend to get the hell back up.