For people who believe homosexuality is a choice.

Hi, I put this in the rant forum, because for quite some time now, I have been dumbfounded and increasingly frustrated that there are actually people out there who believe that being gay is a choice, or even worse, an illness!

First off I know there is probably a million threads already to discuss this. But I hope it's OK with you all for me to start a new one , as I wish to share (for the 1st time) some sensitive and important (well important to me) information about myself and experiences.

I'll do my best to keep it as short as possible, and 'must stress' I don't want this to turn into a pi55ing contest. So it maybe a good idea that religious people, who oppose sexuality due to their faith, stear clear from this thread. I respect you all and your beliefs, but this thread will have nothing to do with religion I'm afraid.

Right, here goes.
Hi, I've been using this site for a fair few years now, and I feel it's the right time for me to share the fact that I am (mostly) a gay male. To explain this most simply is, I'm approx 97% gay, but there are a very few select women I get attracted to and would happily have sex with... If I wasn't already married to my husband of course! Annnd if they were even attracted to me and just happened to be searching for some Sexy time. Anyway I've been happily married and monogamous to my husband for 8 years now, so that point is moot.

So... through my own personal experience over the last 40 years, and through meeting a multitude of other gay couples, some who have been together 50 years :-O
I can put my hand on my heart, and categorically tell you right now. That being gay is NOT a choice.

I'm a straight acting masculine man, from a tough neighbourhood and upbringing (soft as puppy sh1t inside, but don't tell Anybody!) And I FOUGHT my gay urges tooth and nail, from the age of 17 (when I finally realised I was probably gay) up to the age of 30 (When I finally accepted there was nothing I could do about it, and started respecting myself more, and finally enjoying life.

When the penny dropped aged 17 it went exactly like this.. Hands clutching my hair, a look of pure fear/terror on my face. The words "OMFG I'm gay!!!"
which followed by an hour of crying into my pillow, screaming "NO!!" and "WHY ME?!??!"

Now tell me, does that sound even anything remotely like a choice?

In case you were interested, I was initially so upset because I had a girlfriend who's heart I'd have to break. I've always and still do want children. I have 100's of friends in my town, and none of us even knew a gay person. My life long dream of having a beautiful wife, children and even the white picket fence just dissolved and died right there in front of me.
If I could just 'choose' to be straight, trust me I would have done it then and there in less than a heartbeat!
And tbh? I would still choose to be straight now, if it was possible. But that would involve going back in time, and NASA are still testing that one

That's enough about me.

After finally accepting my sexuality, I met a whole world of new people through my 1st (and late) partner. He was older than me and had a lot of older friends, who some I am still in contact with now. These couples I met fascinated me, as mentioned earlier, some of them had been together over 50 years! The point I'm getting to is ; I asked them 'all' about their lives, and when did they realise they were gay, when did they come out, or why hadn't they came out at all?, and if they could go back in time and were given the 'choice' NOT to be gay, would they? I was desperate to know these answers, as I spent so long not wanting to be gay myself, and hoping to find an answer, or dare I say a solution to my predicament. I also was desperate to understand more about who I was.

Well, I heard all sorts of weird and wonderful answers from these lovely gents, some very sad, some hilarious.

They ranged from;
"Oh no dear, I LOVE being gay, and the thought of life without **** is frankly quite depressing dear".

To,
"No I love being gay and wouldn't change a thing"

To,
"Yes I would have much preferred to be straight, life back then was so awful for gay people"

To,
"I'm ok being gay, I just wish that my parents would've accepted me.

To,
"I always wanted a wife and children, but obviously it may wasn't meant to be"

Here's the clincher, I also asked them all (and many other people since) Do you think you were born gay...
Guess what? Every single one of them said YES. A couple of them even shared their very earliest 'gay' memories. Hey, even my 1st gay thoughts were when I was 4!

So for me, this is a foregone conclusion, based on real facts from real people.

You are born gay, or, bi, or trans etc. I'm pretty happy worn my opinion, and I think it will be pretty hard to sway me otherwise.

However everyone has a right to their own opinion, I respect that, and will listen and respect yours if you wish to share it.

Thank you for listening, and my apologies it went on longer than I anticipated

With respect
OE123

Sorry, double post

Thank you for sharing. Our stories are very similar.

I would go back and change it if I could. But I can't. I now enjoy a life with my partner of 10 years.

Struggled, and still do with depression. Because of the self hate I punished myself with for so long, so young.

Have known since I was about 4, probably sooner but I can't remember much before the age of 4.

I wish it were a choice.

a reply to: OpenEars123

i love some peoples idiotic gayness (but they are still just that beautiful idiots)

myself bisex

the transition to bisexual female took some true mind expanding work

it actually took me 3 years to be with a woman sexually

males and females are equally beautiful creatures

so why the fvck wouldn't I love them or be attracted to them equally


love you story

I was born not really giving 2 craps about what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home because I'd really prefer it if folks couldn't give 2 craps about what I do in mine.

It would be nice if everyone felt the same way. I, in no way mean any offense to you OP... But the longer I live the more I wonder why folks really care so much about what others are doing when the blinds are drawn. That's just the kind of thinking that I can't really wrap my mind around.

In utopia I could do me, and you could do you and not 1 crap would be given that day....

Again I need to clarify "two consenting adults" so that I can avoid anyone from coming in and shrieking about the children and how much I would relish watching them die penniless and hungry in the street for having that view. There's always one.

Do you OP. Whether you were born that way or not. It really shouldn't even be an issue IMO.

originally posted by: Wetpaint72
Thank you for sharing. Our stories are very similar.

I would go back and change it if I could. But I can't. I now enjoy a life with my partner of 10 years.

Struggled, and still do with depression. Because of the self hate I punished myself with for so long, so young.

Have known since I was about 4, probably sooner but I can't remember much before the age of 4.

I wish it were a choice.

Wow our stories 'are' similar! I didn't mention in my post that I battled depression and alcoholism due to not wanting to be gay. And I'm very sorry to hear that you are still battling. I ended up talking a years counsilling due to my depression and self loathing.

Best decision i've ever made in my life! It took some time and willingness, but I actually learned to love myself again.
And if I didn't learn to do that when I did, I probably wouldn't be here today.

So please please accept some help, and learn to love yourself again. Trust me on this one x

originally posted by: refined
a reply to: OpenEars123

i love some peoples idiotic gayness (but they are still just that beautiful idiots)

myself bisex

the transition to bisexual female took some true mind expanding work

it actually took me 3 years to be with a woman sexually

males and females are equally beautiful creatures

so why the fvck wouldn't I love them or be attracted to them equally


love you story

Thank you for sharing your story, and I agree that men and women are beautiful. You sound happy and at peace, we all deserve that

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I understand, respect and even agree with you.

It's been a build up with me really, seeing all the discussions where people swear blind that other peoples 'sexual preferences' (because that's all it really is) are actually a choice or an illness.
I find insulting to be honest. It took me over 5 years to write this thread, and today just felt like the right time.

But yes, I'm all for behind closed doors when it comes to bedroom antics gay OR straight - Does that make me a prude?? Dammit! Lol
Thank you for your comment

One of the kids I used to work with (well, he's not a kid anymore, but a young man in his 20's now), retrieved my contact info and texted me out of the blue a few days ago about his 'coming to'; about not really being straight, was tired of pretending, tired of dating girls he really didn't feel attracted to (tho God forbid his father begin asking questions about his waning interest in girls).

Long story short - he's like. 'Kissy, I'm gay. I'm tired of fighting to be like everyone else - so to Hell with it, because you are the first person I'm coming out to because I know you'll accept me and say the right things that I need before I come out to the world.'

I asked him the same question - 'do you think you were born this way?' and he replied with,
'Yeah, so I tried identifying as a bisexual for a time . . . but that's not being honest with who I am - and I would be lacking in integrity and self-respect if I lived another day lying to myself and others.'

It's been tough for him lately, no doubt - but he is HAPPY. His quality of life is much better as he feels a 'great weight has been lifted - as trite as that sounds,' and then I tell him that it isn't 'trite' to use that phrase - because coming to terms with your identity after living for so long as what someone else expects/wants you to be, and then shrugging that off is very much 'lifting' a great deal of BS from your interaction with life around you.

To the OP - God Bless, and xo forever, babe!

Thank you for sharing your story, and I agree that men and women are beautiful. You sound happy and at peace, we all deserve that






thank you for being beutiful to me

I do now feel like I am standing on the top of the world

real life is different reality I have homophobic folks and actually best friends


is sooooo sad I can't be me
but you guys make me happy

a reply to: kissy princess

Thank you for sharing this story. It's a story that literally 99% of gay/bi etc people will all relate to.
I'm glad he shared and you were there to listen

I would NEVER have chosen to be gay knowing that it goes against everything I was told to believe having been brought up under a strict Catholic roof.

I did not choose the depression it caused

I did not choose the multiple suicide attempts as my depression spiralled me into the depths of utter madness

I did not choose to be rejected by family because gay 'is of the devil'

Nope, would have avoided all the above if I could have.

Now that time has passed and I am a whole person again the only thing I'd change if I could do it all again is the people surrounding mes attitudes because they were the ones with the choice on how they acted. In reacting so poorly they caused me to lose my mind and very nearly my life.

But you know what? Blood is thicker than water and I chose to forgive them because 2 wrongs never make a right.

a reply to: OpenEars123

I can prove your premise wrong in an instant. I am speaking the whole truth here.

From the age of 16 - 19 I was on the gay scene. I thought I was gay. At the age of 19 I decided I was not gay. I made a choice and changed. Since, I have been a very heterosexual person.

Even with a liberal agenda there is no excuse for blanket statements. There will always be those that defy any preconceived norm, in considerable numbers, too.

The spirit of LGBT is to let everybody have the freedom to be who they are in terms of sexuality. Making sweeping statements is just one little step towards becoming what you initially defied.

My experience of being gay left me with empathy for gay and transgender people. I met some amazing people during that time and witnessed a lot of tragedies, too. Having walked a mile in those shoes I knew what it felt like and the hate encountered.

There are many men and women I know who have been gay for periods of their lives. Whether they are different and weren't really gay at the time I do not know. I guess they become bisexual if they wander between genders. Yet at the time I mentioned I sincerely believed I was gay only to change direction.

a reply to: OpenEars123

Definitely not a prude, but someone with respect for those around them IMO.

I don't want to see what anybody does behind closed doors regardless of who they are doing it with. I can not say that I understand what it is like to come out and make a thread such as this. I can only assume that it was difficult since it took you so long and that is sad. Regardless of what anyone's views are one should not have to fear telling others who they are or what they believe in. Again... I'm hoping I don't have to mention consenting adults over and over here.

I honestly don't even know where I stand on the whole debate of born this way or not, but it doesn't really matter to me so I've never dove into it to study it. I figure we all have tastes and things we like whether we are born with them or acquire them... Regardless if it's food, clothes, religion, etc. etc. etc. so even if one isn't born that way, I don't see why it should matter to so many. Maybe it's because I've always had more to concern myself with than who one decides to take carnal pleasure in. Who knows.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck and am glad you finally could come out and say what you have been wanting to say for a while now.

originally posted by: refined

real life is different reality I have homophobic folks and actually best friends


is sooooo sad I can't be me
but you guys make me happy

You need new friends.

I walked away from my family, my friends and even left the country I love and call home to finally be free and be me.

That was 9 1/2 years ago and I finally found peace, love and freedom.

If I can do it, anyone can. Sometimes to gain everything you dream of you have to let go of your entire world

a reply to: refined
My absolute pleasure, you are obviously a beautiful person and deserve no less.
So sorry to hear your folks don't understand, and did you say your best friends too?? Geez that is tough.

I know this is way easier said than done. But if its of any use, I actually ended up moving away from my home town to start off fresh. Now it wasn't easy, but boy am I glad now i did it.
There's a whole world out there waiting to meet the real you x

originally posted by: markosity1973
I would NEVER have chosen to be gay knowing that it goes against everything I was told to believe having been brought up under a strict Catholic roof.

I did not choose the depression it caused

I did not choose the multiple suicide attempts as my depression spiralled me into the depths of utter madness

I did not choose to be rejected by family because gay 'is of the devil'

Nope, would have avoided all the above if I could have.

Now that time has passed and I am a whole person again the only thing I'd change if I could do it all again is the people surrounding mes attitudes because they were the ones with the choice on how they acted. In reacting so poorly they caused me to lose my mind and very nearly my life.

But you know what? Blood is thicker than water and I chose to forgive them because 2 wrongs never make a right.

Wow, superbly written! You summed up everything I was trying to say, but with a 1000 less words lol

Seriously they were some wonderful and powerful words there. And with regards to your family and others around you who were negative.. I think it's glaringly obvious who the bigger man and better person is.

Many thanks for sharing this

originally posted by: OpenEars123
Wow, superbly written! You summed up everything I was trying to say, but with a 1000 less words lol

Seriously they were some wonderful and powerful words there. And with regards to your family and others around you who were negative.. I think it's glaringly obvious who the bigger man and better person is.

Many thanks for sharing this

My pleasure and the one thing I would like to leave everyone with is three simple words

Love conquers all.

originally posted by: Revolution9
a reply to: OpenEars123

I can prove your premise wrong in an instant. I am speaking the whole truth here.

From the age of 16 - 19 I was on the gay scene. I thought I was gay. At the age of 19 I decided I was not gay. I made a choice and changed. Since, I have been a very heterosexual person.

Even with a liberal agenda there is no excuse for blanket statements. There will always be those that defy any preconceived norm, in considerable numbers, too.

The spirit of LGBT is to let everybody have the freedom to be who they are in terms of sexuality. Making sweeping statements is just one little step towards becoming what you initially defied.

Hi, thanks for sharing this, you made a very good point.
All sorts of weird and wonderful things can happen to individual people, I don't deny that one bit. And I even thought about adding some similar things in my OP. But thought it might get messy and confusing, and would probably be better in another thread.

Yes I can see now why my thread looks like a blanket statement, and I'm glad you mentioned it.
My OP is really focussing on the 'majority', definitely not everyone.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to clear that up
And I'm really pleased you came through so well with such a difficult challenge
Respect

Thanks for your insight into your world. I grew up in the gayest city in the West and had many friends that I could clearly identify as being gay. I never felt that I was gay nor ever tempted to find out, even though I hung around the gay bars since I was only 18 and they let me in without ID.

That said, here are my observation of 40+ years, A gay person has as much ability to become straight as a down syndrome person has the ability to not have down syndrome. Not comparing the 2, just an analogy.

I do believe that a Gay person can be Bi-sexual as much as a Straight person can be, but to say a straight person can become Gay or a Gay person can become straight is wrong. I believe It's genetic at birth. Of course there are always the exceptions.

Glad the courts ruled in your favor.

Sirric