Perents BEWARE!

My adorable 15yo step-daughter had lived with us for four years and she has a long history of significant behavioral issues. She used to throw the temper tantrums from hell. She would run out into traffic. she has smashed windows, broken furniture, punched holes in walls, physically assaulted both her mother and myself. On occasion she has threatened us with knives and gone around the house stabbing the walls and furniture.
We have spent countless hours looking for her when she hasn't come home or has run away. She goes around telling everybody that we beat her and abuse her, that we don't feed her, that she has to do all of the housework, that she isn't allowed out and that I am a pedophile... None of these things is true.
She has accused her father of being a pedophile and his best friend. She has laid a false rape complaint against a young to boy to cover the fact that her 21yo drug dealing boyfriend got her pregnant when she was twelve. She accused her ex boyfriend of rape. she arranged to have two of her ex's beaten up for things that they didn't do.
My step daughter is a talented liar and a skilled manipulator. We have had her engaged with mental health and countless counselors and she either won't talk to them or wraps then around her little finger.
The police women who investigated her false raped claim said that my step-daughter was the most dangerous little girl that she had ever met.
When we spoke to the police regarding her violent behavior in the home they simply said that were bust and probably wouldn't be able to attend. They said that even if they did attend the only thing they could do is throw her in the cells for a night and would have grumpy, bitchy teenager back in the morning.
My partner and I have three younger children together who have suffered through all of this violence and abuse.

So I reached the last straw.

Last time my step-daughter threw a tantrum she threw the coffee table across the room damaging one of the stereo speakers. She tipped a glass of wine on the floor. She screamed at the top of her voice repeatedly and slammed her bedroom door so hard and so many times that things fell off shelves and the three younger children (who were asleep) woke up screaming.
Having had enough of this behavior I decided to remove my step-daughter from the house. She bit me and hit me punched me. As we struggled we both tripped and fell into the hallway hitting our heads against the wall. I suffered a moderate concussion... My step-daughter was fine.
At this point my partner intervened. Her daughter went to town punching and kicking her leaving bruises all over the right hand side of the wife's body. Then step daughter punched me in the head above my left eye... Right where my head had hit the wall, splitting mu eyebrow open it began to bleed profusely.
At this point my step-daughter ran to the front door, turned around, put her hands on her hips and waggled them and said "I'm going to call the police" with a big smirk on her face.
I said "please do. Please do it from the other side of the road."
So anyway... To make a long story short... My step-daughter told the police that I had violently assaulted her. Twisting her arms up her back. Punching her in the face. Throwing her into walls. Apparently at one point I even picked her up by the throat! Clearly I did none of these things.
I was arrested and spent a night in the cells. I received five stitches in my eyebrow. I wasn't allowed to return home and see my family as long as my step-daughter was there. Luckily after about six weeks she moved out and moved in with her boyfriend. That's six weeks that I had to support my self away from home which completely drained what little saving we had. I slept more than one night sleeping in the car.
After nine months and four or five court cases. I have six months supervision with probation. I have to do a drug and alcohol course and a family violence course. I will have to pay for both. I have two months community detention which means I have an anklet.
In all this time I have been completely unable to get a job with pending court cases hanging over my head...
And once again my step-daughter walks away scott free.
My lawyer managed to get my charges dropped from "Male assaults Female" to "Common Assault". The judge removed my charges from under the "Domestic Violence Act of 1995" and put it back under the "Criminal Justice Act of 1985". This was unprecedented. This is apparently the first and only time this has happened in the twenty years of the "Domestic Violence Act".
The judge said that had I been prosecuted for "Male Assaults Female" under the "Domestic Violence Act"... Even though this is my first violent offense... He would have found me guilty and given me six month in jail!
Be very careful how you manage your children my friends... The government won't protect you from them!

That sucks The only suggestion I have for others in this kind of situation is to have video surveillance running 24/7 inside the home.

If it makes you feel better...she will continue to manipulate and use violent acts to get what she thinks she wants, as this has worked out for her in her mind. This will come back to bite her in ways she cannot even dream of at this time....

Dude that is a horrible story! I make it a point in life to stay far away from people who could possibly make me go to jail. Anyone showing signs of this level of deception I steer clear of, even if it has not been directed at me, because at somme point it will be. People go to jail all the time for stuff they didn't do. I could not imagine dealing with that.

Why didn't her mom back you up to the police about her being pure evil?

If I were you I would get your own place and be gone from that situation, especially if your partner dose noting to keep her away.

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Holy crap, dude. That's a lot of hell to go through. Did the cops file any reports from the previous visit? If so, they should have been used to show that the charges were false. Good luck.

Is it possible to put her up for adoption, or for her to be emancipated? Seriously ... I know that sounds cold but putting her in the system may provide her with access to help and treatment resources you cannot give her at home. Truly a tough love solution and last resort.

Either that or she needs to spend some time in a group home for wayward teens. Perhaps you could have some serious treatment court ordered by a judge. Her behavior could be a danger to your other children, you need to find a way for her to be removed - preferably to a place that is equipped to handle her and give her the help she needs.

send her away

I hear they are doing wonderful things with lithium and lobotomies these days. That might chill her out.

This is all extremely tragic; but, I'm left wondering if maybe there was something in your step daughters past that caused this behaviour to present itself. She may need some serious help.

originally posted by: bananashooter
Dude that is a horrible story! I make it a point in life to stay far away from people who could possibly make me go to jail. Anyone showing signs of this level of deception I steer clear of, even if it has not been directed at me, because at somme point it will be. People go to jail all the time for stuff they didn't do. I could not imagine dealing with that.

Why didn't her mom back you up to the police about her being pure evil?

If I were you I would get your own place and be gone from that situation, especially if your partner dose noting to keep her away.

I've was trying get her out of the house for years but her Mum said no... I didn't feel like there was much I could do about... I've know that would one day happen for a very long time... I just didn't realize that I could do jail time for it or that the police would take her at her word.

She is finally out of the house now so that at least is a win!

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Holy crap, dude. That's a lot of hell to go through. Did the cops file any reports from the previous visit? If so, they should have been used to show that the charges were false. Good luck.

Unfortunately the police weren't interested in her history... The were only interested in stitching me up for what she claimed I had done!

originally posted by: bananashooter
Dude that is a horrible story! I make it a point in life to stay far away from people who could possibly make me go to jail. Anyone showing signs of this level of deception I steer clear of, even if it has not been directed at me, because at somme point it will be. People go to jail all the time for stuff they didn't do. I could not imagine dealing with that.

Why didn't her mom back you up to the police about her being pure evil?

If I were you I would get your own place and be gone from that situation, especially if your partner dose noting to keep her away.

Because this is domestic violence the missus statement doesn't carry much weight. The system automatically views me as the druken abusive step father and my wife as the battered wife...

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Well, maybe it is a really good thing she moved out then.
She will find out the hard way how things are.
Sucks that you have to go through that though.

originally posted by: eeyipes
Is it possible to put her up for adoption, or for her to be emancipated? Seriously ... I know that sounds cold but putting her in the system may provide her with access to help and treatment resources you cannot give her at home. Truly a tough love solution and last resort.

Either that or she needs to spend some time in a group home for wayward teens. Perhaps you could have some serious treatment court ordered by a judge. Her behavior could be a danger to your other children, you need to find a way for her to be removed - preferably to a place that is equipped to handle her and give her the help she needs.

We tried to get her younger sister (also my step daughter) into a home to treat her anorexia and behavioral issues. However this could only be done with the approval of her father, who refused to give it.

originally posted by: Atsbhct
This is all extremely tragic; but, I'm left wondering if maybe there was something in your step daughters past that caused this behaviour to present itself. She may need some serious help.

Unfortunately there are many things in her past that have caused this behavior... She has been through some horrible things.

I however haven't done any of those things to her. I have never hit her or abused her or treated her inappropriately... It seems that I am being punished for it though.

originally posted by: Darkblade71
a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Well, maybe it is a really good thing she moved out then.
She will find out the hard way how things are.
Sucks that you have to go through that though.

It is
She will
And it does

Thanks for your post

You have one step daughter acting out violently and another self harming through anorexia, and the father won't allow treatment? Hate to say it but that sends alarm bells out all over the place ... why would he not agree to treatment? Is he afraid of something?

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

That's typical. I hope that everything works out for you. The girl needs mental help. I hope she gets it before somebody else gets hurt.

a reply to: hudsonhawk69

Unfortunately, that is sometimes the role taken on by step-parents. It isn't your fault, and if your wife didn't make you fully aware of the situation before she married you, then she is partly at fault in this...as little as blaming anyone ever does, I know.

It sounds like the girls biological mother and father didn't get her the help she needed, or the help wasn't there, and you (and she) suffered for it. As hard as it will be, you shouldn't dwell on it, it isn't personal, she's lashing out because she can't deal with the trauma she's experienced. She's obviously mentally disturbed.

a reply to: eeyipes

I imagine that he's afraid of a good many things. He has not treated his daughters well over the years. He used to lock them in their bedroom with a bucket for a toilet and leave them their for hours while he went out.

The powers that be said that it was a mild case of neglect at best.

The girls were probably 8 & 10yo at the time.

Although that is a story that my step-daughter has told me. I believed it was true at the time... In hindsight I just can't tell the truth from the lies anymore...