Trayvon Martin & George Zimmerman - What REALLY happened that night

Corporate funded news stations are not to be trusted. I have compelling evidence that the Kraft Foods Group paid off news media outlets and police to change the official story because they didn't want their product getting bad publicity. Now I understand that this may sound preposterous at first, but please refrain from judging me until you've read the alternate series of events.

On the evening of February 26, 2012, in Sanford, Florida, a 17-year-old honor student named Trayvon Martin was walking through a park and sat down on a bench where he encountered George Zimmerman, a 28-year-old Asteroid-Collision Insurance Salesman from Orlando, Florida. They introduced themselves and engaged in an exchange of social pleasantries.

The pair discussed several topics over the course of a two hour conversation, which initially revolved around scientific topics like Chaos Theory and Quantum Physics, but later shifted to a wide array of other topics, such as 'The merits of racial harmony in America', and 'Why does toothpaste have an expiry date if you aren't supposed to eat it?'. Both heartily agreed that Fair Warning was Van Halen's most underrated album. Martin was also overheard offering Zimmerman an invitation to his home. "It would be lovely if you could join my family and I for dinner next weekend. I was at a vintage wine auction last September and purchased a rare 1978 Régnard Chablis. I've been waiting for a special occasion to open it."

This led to a discussion about the culinary arts and various food products. Bystanders cite a heated disagreement about Cheez Whiz as the catalyst that sparked the violent incident. Zimmerman, being of a more conservative mindset, was a staunch advocate of companies remaining faithful to their original formula, whereas Martin maintained that the low-fat variety still had the same satisfying creamy zest that one would expect from a jar of the finest Kraft™ products, and calmly tried to explain to Zimmerman that the difference in taste was merely an illusion based on the fact that the label differs in appearance.

At this point, bystanders were startled when Zimmerman became indignant and slammed his fist down on the bench. "You think you know anything about Cheez Whiz?!?" he barked loudly. "I've been alive 12 years longer than you have you precocious little runt. I remember back when it only cost $1.45 a jar. Those were the glory days! - the cheesiest days of my life! - and you weren't even around then."

Martin remained calm and kept his composure. "I'm sorry that we are unable to reconcile our contrasting opinions, Mr. Zimmerman. I just firmly adhere to the notion that open-mindedness is a valuable virtue; a virtue that has immeasurably facilitated human advancement for centuries, and frankly, your stubborn dismissal of reduced-calorie snacks is anything but open-minded. If I may say so, perhaps if you were willing to try the low-fat version of America's favourite cheese spread, you would be able to maintain a more reasonable and healthy body weight."

Eyewitnesses recount Zimmerman rapidly rising from the bench to a standing position and reaching into his jacket. He produced what is believed to be a 9mm semi-automatic pistol. One bystander was willing to share her recollection of the events with us. "I had no idea that he was going to stand up and pull out a gun. I just thought maybe the argument really stressed him out and he quickly jumped up to grab a pack of cigarettes from his coat." Zimmerman racked the slide of his pistol and pointed it at Martin's chest. You have 10 seconds to take back what you said!" Zimmerman shouted. "First you doubt my extensive knowledge of name-brand condiments, and then you have the nerve to insult my weight!" Martin was visibly shaken at this point and nervously stammered "Mr. Zimmerman, this kind of behavior isn't necessary. Can't we just agree to disagr-" but was abruptly interrupted with a single shot to his chest.

Zimmerman, still clutching the firearm in his right hand, fled the scene on foot and approached an ice cream truck in the middle of the park which he proceeded to hijack at gunpoint, making a mediocre escape at 15 miles per hour as he irritably punched buttons on the dashboard in an attempt to turn the music off. When witnesses were asked why they even bothered staying for the entirety of the two hour conversation, they all unanimously stated that it was so enthralling that they couldn't bring themselves to leave. "It was so enlightening" says Alison Doherty, a tourist from Syracuse, New York. "I thoroughly enjoyed listening to these two educated young gentlemen. Their informative discourse even inspired me to enroll in a few classes at Cornell University."

The government will probably delete my post in an attempt to silence the truth. I am currently hiding in another state because of death threats that were smeared on my front door with Cheez Whiz. This is what happens when you let corporations grow too big, America. You had a chance to stop it, but you wouldn't listen. Now it's too late.






[Staf Edit - Moved to proper forum for a lovely story.]

a reply to: Xaphan

Finally...The Truth is told! You are indeed a brave individual to have exposed this story!

a reply to: Xaphan

Never knew cheese whiz came in a jar. Seems pointless.

Thats the only thing i can thank you for today.

a reply to: Xaphan

I couldn't for the life of me work out if this was a 'Brass Eye' styled tongue in cheek reporting of events or a serious post.

If it's a joke then it made me laugh!

If it's not then it piqued my desire to carry in reading and I ended up giving the thread some credence.

Either way you're ticking my boxes!

a reply to: Xaphan

Obviously, you are a paid shill for Skittles, the real enemy of black yoots.

Bravo!

a reply to: Xaphan

Your investigative reporting is without equal... I hope this won't be your last thread, I enjoyed reading it.

Disclaimer: Cheez Whiz should only be sprayed and never spread.

I have no idea why I continued to read this post. I just could not stop till I reached the end.

I hate your soul

Shouldn't this be in the short stories forum? Title implies there is some merit for the story, for which there is none

a reply to: Xaphan

Also, that night the prez realized (that if) he had a son he'd look just like Tray Tray and georgie boy went on to win "who wants to be a debonair" and America never lived happily ever after - now look into your webcam, smile and say Cheeeezzz.

Agree. And now my brain hurts, along with a complete realignment of my reality.

a reply to: mikelkhall

Tooth paste has an expiration date?

And shouldn't it be called "teeth" paste?

Oh yeah, throw away the cheeze wizz. What ya do is,
Get a block of cheese
Put it in a foil boat(or just use your hat)
Place on smoker @ 165 degrees
Wait for two hours
Pull from smoker and place in fridge
Two hours of cooling and serve

You're welcome!

Why is i can i not get past the spray on cheese wizz....

Why is this #ery still up?
Forgot I was on an AOL chatroom for 12 year old conspiracy theorists, no language that may stunt a childs growth allowed.
#s

I knew it, it's exactly what I though had happened all along.

It wouldn't be the first time I've heard of such a conversation leading to violence, it's been happening around here too and the media has failed to report on it. I've only heard what's really happening through word of mouth.

The day is coming soon, when this will all be out in the open.

I have 14 cases of Cheez Whiz in my basement, wanted to snatch them up before all the congressional hearings, protests and of course the eventual banning of such a deliciously cheesy snack.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: Xaphan

I couldn't for the life of me work out if this was a 'Brass Eye' styled tongue in cheek reporting of events or a serious post.

You can rest assured, it's satire. I'm not actually this crazy lol.

originally posted by: IXIXI
I hate your soul

originally posted by: IXIXI
Why is this #ery still up?
Forgot I was on an AOL chatroom for 12 year old conspiracy theorists, no language that may stunt a childs growth allowed.
#s

Try to relax. I don't want to be held responsible for you having a stroke and getting my account banned.

Its funny, because its satire about a kid literally being killed..which actually happened.

Great stuff..hey, your mom dead? make a funny story about how she died..belittling her as a person gets you extra points.


incidentally, anyone know why when I type in abovetopsecret.com, I keep winding up here on stormfront? some sort of redirect I reckon.

originally posted by: SaturnFX
incidentally, anyone know why when I type in abovetopsecret.com, I keep winding up here on stormfront? some sort of redirect I reckon.

I've heard of this happening before. There is a possibility that your computer is infected with the Strawman Fallacy Virus.

In all seriousness, there is nothing racist about this. How did you arrive at that conclusion? I'm a staunch opponent of racism and don't appreciate the accusation.

originally posted by: Xaphan
In all seriousness, there is nothing racist about this. How did you arrive at that conclusion? I'm a staunch opponent of racism and don't appreciate the accusation.

Satire is best either exaggerating traits, or adding traits that weren't there.

Your satire takes on the speaking patterns and reverses it into full articulation, making the focus of speech as a narrative in what caused hostilities.

Trayvon most likely spoke like any black youth trying to look bad, and died from it. I am not a fan of the whole "thug" culture, but if some creep was stalking me, I would most likely not be in my finest literary hour either upon confronting the weirdo.

But basically, the joke you make is only amusing when you see what you wrote, and contrast it with the more likely reality based on stereotypical (yet often accurate) speaking patterns of black youth trying to look big

Then suddenly the absurdity of the notion of this frightened and angry black kid is funny...talking fluently and coherently..hahaha..we know he was all "yo" this and that.

the dog whistle is pretty loud

I take back any insinuation of overt racism. gallows humor is perfectly fine. making light of horrors is what we do as people to soften blows..I recommend just spend a bit of time considering what your making fun of..is it circumstances of death, or the person itself and who they were.

This comes off very much as finding it funny only because of how contrasted with reality is via linguistic approach
..
but the cheese in a jar is actually a good point.

scru u double post!