Are you honest?

I'm not

I love the bones of my partner, and want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Fact, undesputable.

But my sexual attraction to my partner has gone, and very unlikely to come back.

I'm not being fair, and i feel like a piece of $hit. Not sure what to do, the last thing on earth i want to do is break someone's heart.

I've had a few and am already regretting pressing enter..

Here goes



Edit: I just thought about deleting this, but I haven't because I know there's a lot of real people on here.
I've asked for advice before, and have been overwhelmed with great replies. I feel weak, but fuggit don't we all sometimes?

Anyway, I've taken a sleeping pill which gives me a 45 min window of consciousness. After that (tomorrow) I will answer/thank any kind advice that might come my way.

Many thanks in advance.
Me

a reply to: OpenEars123

The lust always wears off.

Did you think it would last forever ?

Just look at porn like everyone else....

a reply to: OpenEars123

Difficult situation that I'm sure many have faced at some point after being in a long term relationship.

The only thing I can really say is that you have a few choices:

1. Break partners heart by being honest and speaking with him/her, likely ending relationship or possibly leading to somewhat open relationship(latter is very rare)
2. Cheat on them which will make you miserable with guilt and is in general very douche-bag like
3. Stay in relationship as is and have unsatisfying sex life and regret all the sex you could have had when you are older
4. Try and figure out why you're no longer attracted and find ways of improving satisfaction
5. See if they are into threesomes. You never know.

originally posted by: whyamIhere

Just look at porn like everyone else....

LOL

or get old like me.

originally posted by: whyamIhere
a reply to: OpenEars123

The lust always wears off.

Did you think it would last forever ?

Just look at porn like everyone else....

It's gone beyond lust, we are married now.

I do look at porn, but it's very unsatisfactory.
Thank you for your post though

originally posted by: OrphanApology
a reply to: OpenEars123

Difficult situation that I'm sure many have faced at some point after being in a long term relationship.

The only thing I can really say is that you have a few choices:

1. Break partners heart by being honest and speaking with him/her, likely ending relationship or possibly leading to somewhat open relationship(latter is very rare)
2. Cheat on them which will make you miserable with guilt and is in general very douche-bag like
3. Stay in relationship as is and have unsatisfying sex life and regret all the sex you could have had when you are older
4. Try and figure out why you're no longer attracted and find ways of improving satisfaction
5. See if they are into threesomes. You never know.

this is almost perfect advice for me, thank you.
But i would DIE for the person who i am with, hands down, i would give up my life git theirs..

If the fact you want to spend the rest of your life with this person is indisputable, ask yourself if sex is more important than that.

If it is, ask yourself if you will regret that answer later.

If it is not more important, there are many things you can do to reincarnate/reinvigorate a sex life.

a reply to: OpenEars123

What you are doing was done to me, you are not talking breaking hearts but breaking people. I tried to kill myself I was hospitalized, unable to live with the pain when I found out the unbelievable truth and it usually is found out.

I can't figure it out myself, my husband now of 20 years and I would love each other faithfully even if we were crippled, burned and repulsive to everyone, we have real love. I feel sorry for those who hold onto the need for lust and look at porn in order to make that lust grow.

You don't believe in God but you may find you have been mistaken when the time comes.

a reply to: OpenEars123

I think you should be honest and talk to them. It happens and maybe you need to find that spark again between the two of you. Sure it will probably hurt their feelings but lying to them and avoiding a situation that could blow up one day is not good either. I know I prefer someone to be honest with me.

I'm honest with my partner with anything I may dislike. We are married and if something bothers me I tell him, whether he likes it or not. I know he hasn't liked a few things I've said but I'd rather be honest than lie to him.

Good luck.

a reply to: OpenEars123

Yea this seems to be my problem.

Is there some medication involved? I once thought I'd lost my sexual attraction to my partner, but it was my medication that killed it. I never, ever stopped loving him or letting him love me and I also never stopped wanting to want him during that period. Also, once things got started, I often wound up enjoying the love anyhow.

Both of us would rather walk through fire than be parted and we're best friends on top of being lovers, and if we aren't still quite joined at the hip like we were in our youth, we still aren't exactly celibate in our middle age either. I am so very glad I'm no longer on that particular medication though.

You will find in general that a lot of people are surprised that the first blush of passion fades into something else. It will either strengthen what you have or it will break it. Just remember that what Char-Lee says is very true. You won't just be breaking the relationship, you could be breaking your partner.

Are the feelings just towards your partner or is it a general/global lack of interest? If it's more global - talk to your doctor. Perhaps it's something health related (meds, hormones, diet, who knows?)

a reply to: OrphanApology


I almost agree with you.

Sex is truly not the most important part of a marriage.

Honesty is always best. Your partner has earned your honesty. Maybe she's not into you any longer either? Ever think of that?

You should decide together how to proceed. Whatever the short term benefits from lying, it will cause pain in the long run.

If you love your wife and respect her, you need to be honest and allow her a choice in the matter. There are any number of ways to proceed.

Best Wishes....

originally posted by: whyamIhere
a reply to: OpenEars123

The lust always wears off.

Did you think it would last forever ?

Just look at porn like everyone else....

/thread

really tho i think its normal

build in our genetics to have sex with multiple partners to produce wider offspring

one little thing i was told a long time ago every time u want to have sex with a girl remind urself ur really saying u want to make babbies with them

helped me alot with lust

man i wana make alot of babbies lol

Society puts too much emphasis on sex. We are told to eat foods that boost our sexual desire so they can get us to buy things. This is big business, they profit by our hornyness.

There is more to a relationship than sex. But, many people do not know there is. When you choose your partner in life, sometimes the sex attracts you at first, but that should not be what is necessary. You share your life. You become one. But, some people can't comprehend this.

Just listen to Whyamihere above.

There could be medical reason for your loss of interest in sex ..
No reason to throw away an otherwise good relationship .. discuss things with your partner .. far better than ending up old and alone ..

a reply to: OpenEars123

I've been with the same woman for 30 years.

Sexual attraction comes and goes... Back and forth... Sometimes for days, weeks, months or longer.

But REAL relationships are based upon more than sexual attraction. If you are basing your lifelong commitment on this single variable, you'll never find someone to be happy with.

Just a thought.

There's the part where you are just best friends. Find ways to find the lust again. I could give you some ideas, but thats not what the threads about (and may be against T&C's)

a reply to: OpenEars123

Stop vaping ... and it'll come back. # you not.

originally posted by: Snarl
a reply to: OpenEars123

Stop vaping ... and it'll come back. # you not.

wtf u got something to back up that bold claim

as a advid vapor id never heard of any sutch studies resherch anything to conclude this EVER

unless u have something to back this up ima call you a big tabaco shill

if you do my apoligys