Passed up again. Don't know why I didn't expect that.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: BasementWarriorKryptonite
She won't get a 2nd one though, I'm too old for those games.

That's something I can agree with. Never be left for someone else and accept them when their relationship goes south and you're suddenly good enough.

You seem a pretty decent guy. I think you're looking to hard. Love usually blindside you when you're not looking for it they say. There could be a woman for you thinking all the same things right now.

a reply to: OrphanApology

Nah, like I said. I felt that about that dude before I even thought I'd have to compete with him. When I meet somebody, 9 times out of 10 I can tell you if they're a decent person or not. This guy just gave me a terrible feeling in my gut when I met him, when I get that feeling about someone it's never been wrong before. I know that sounds nuts, but maybe it has to do with me being and empath, I don't know. But, there was something not quite right about that guy.

Okay...to be blunt...there are two big mistakes I see guys make.

First, you already addressed...be yourself. You can't catch love with a net or a gun, as the song goes. In other words, it can't be fooled or forced. If it's meant to be there is nothing you can do to mess it up. If it's not meant to be, nothing you can do will make it happen. Just be you.

Second, and this is big...you have to date someone equitable to you...similar in attractiveness, temperament, values or ethics, interests and outlook.

Every guy seems to want to date a super model or otherwise has the bar set much too unrealistically. I guess I can't blame them, TV and movies always make it seem like the guy always gets the ideal, perfect girl.

a reply to: RealLife

Yeah, I've been down that road too many times as it stands. Some of you may remember my threads last year about the girl that kept doing that to me. After that, if a girl does that to me I just tell her "Sorry, but you already missed your chance." Mostly because every week a girl that I either had a relationship with, or went on a date with, but later passed me up for another guy gets a hold of me saying things like "we should hang out!" or "I was wrong, will you take me back?" These days I just politely tell them no and them friend zone them like they did me. Maybe they'll find out how bad that sucks and won't do it to anybody else.

I know that's kind of a jerk thing to do, but these days I'm not even worried about their feelings after they never considered mine. Sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way before it will sink in.

a reply to: dave_welch

Geez, and what if one of those girls actually did realize what a great guy they let slip by?

a reply to: kosmicjack

Well I, for one, try not to date out of my range unless she comes on to me first. I can't speak for other guys. Secondly, in my experience, when it comes to being shallow women have the Olympic gold in that one. I could be wrong, I'm just going by what I've seen. I actually had a girl dump me for another guy because she thought he was better looking. At first she said "I just feel like I connect more with him" later, her friend, who is also my friend, told me that the only reason she did it was because she wanted a guy she could show off. Of course, that guy turned out to be an abusive drunk and she tried to come back to me, but I told her that I had found out what her real reason was and that I wouldn't date someone who would do that.

I know that's just one woman, but it's not the first time I've seen that, it just happened to me that time so that's why I tell that story.

a reply to: kosmicjack

They should have thought about it before they leave the "great guy" for a silly crush.

Look, I'm not trying to be an a**hole. It's a combination of being pissed and speaking from life experience. I've given several girls second and third and even fourth chances, but eventually you come to realize that at least 90% of the time, when they're doing that they're only keeping you around until they find someone they like better because they know you'll put up with it. I've just quit putting up with it and letting myself be used.

a reply to: dave_welch

Well, I friend-zoned my hubby in high school. I ended up comparing every guy to him for years. He got over it, I was grateful and we've been married now for 15 years.

So...

Good luck closing doors, hopefully a window will open.

a reply to: dave_welch

Seriously, I'm at my wit's end. Anybody have a clue what my problem is?

I don't see a problem. At least you are out there trying. Something wonderful shouldn't be too easy. One day you'll get all the angles right and sweep em off their feet. Just keep getting up and dusting yourself off for another go.

She's out there.

originally posted by: dave_welch
a reply to: Meldionne1

That's all I ever do, unfortunately, myself never seems to be quite good enough.

From my point of view.

You are special and unique in you own way and need to find the one that fits you. Some people who have self esteem issue can in a way be like a fixer upper thing. It is good if two people who meet can find a co-dependecy that fit for them and help them grow and be a team helping each other out. But for some people it is a big turn off. Who want's the hassle of fixing a thing you have not broken if you yourself is not as broken.

You deserve love if you give love. A person who can mirror your effort back to you. Maybe you should try to be even more unique and not try to fit the mold at all. If they cannot love you for what you are and you are treating them nice then they are clearly not the right soul for you.

a reply to: dave_welch

Why do I feel like you are going after the girls with bad boy complex?

a reply to: kosmicjack

I'm glad that it worked out for you in the end. But, you said "I ended up comparing every guy to him for years.". If you were doing that, why did you do it for years? Why not just admit you were wrong and tell him? I understand that eventually you did do that but why did it take you so long?

Please understand I'm not accusing you of anything. I genuinely would like to know, since it seems like a lot of women do that. If I found myself comparing other women to a woman that I had turned down and finding them lacking, I would be looking her up pretty fast.

Maybe I misunderstood you?

originally posted by: LittleByLittle
a reply to: dave_welch

Why do I feel like you are going after the girls with bad boy complex?

Guys with eyeliner don't have bad boy complexes. More like social and mamma issues. In my opinion.

a reply to: LittleByLittle

That's what I thought too for a long time. But, each one of them has been completely different people. I don't really have a type, if I like someone then I like them, you know what I mean?

Maybe that is what I'm doing, but I'm not sure how I keep doing it. I'm not going to go into something knowing that I'll probably get hurt.

originally posted by: kosmicjack
a reply to: dave_welch

Geez, and what if one of those girls actually did realize what a great guy they let slip by?

Everyone seems better after they date an asshole.(Can I say that word?)
Is he suppose to sit there and be hurt over and over until she finds out that she's tired of assholes and she finally decides to be with him.

To each his own, but if I'm not good enough the first time around I'm not wasting time with a second.

That saying if you lose something you love and it comes back then its real love is ridiculous. Men and women shouldn't be walked over until another finally decides " ok I guess I'll settle for them". In the end that's what it is. Settling. Obviously said person wasn't your first choice and decide if nothing works out than there's always plan B.

a reply to: dave_welch

Not sure a hermit type person like me should give advice on dating so question everything I say and see if it is useful to you.

Since you seem to have empathic abilities maybe you should try to find a person that have similar or greater abilities than you. The reason I am saying this is that regardless of age these people will probably be done with the play around phase and want something real.

a reply to: RealLife

I didn't settle. I grew up and came to better understand the qualities important in a husband.

But, as I said earlier, if it's the right person, nothing either of them can do will screw it up.

Your trying to hard .. relax dont worry over it .. theres plenty of women out there and your young yet dont rush blindly into anything youd regret later ..

Often when not looking is when find what seeking ..

a reply to: kosmicjack

There's a reason it's called growing up and settling down.

a reply to: RealLife

A star for you, sir.

That's exactly what I've been trying to say. I don't want anybody to settle for me. Why should being with me be settling, you know?