Fear control - Can you really do it?

The fear has one main root cause: the belief that we can only like our lives if... its conditional love for life.
You only like your life if... you have: a good car, an healthy body, a lovely girlfriend, a good job, money to do whatever you want, a good friend, a pretty face, a beautiful body, an intelligent mind, etc etc etc etc
You can only like your present moment if... bla bla bla bla
What happens is that everything that puts your valuable stuff at risk, will generate fear.
So the problem is not life events that might take away your valuable conditions, the problem is that you only like your life if those temporary, uncontrollable things exist now, in your life.
Do you see where i am going?
You cant control the existence of those things you cherish but you can control the conditions you put to like your life.
Can you like your life right now, regardless of what happened, what might happen, who you are and what you have?
Can you like your life right now, UNCONDITIONALLY?
This is the real question.
The way to controllable happiness is to learn to be able to like your present moment, no matter how your life is.
But this only works if you really believe it, it must be a strong belief, a mere thought is not enough, you must be really convinced that you can like your life unconditionally.
You can be all messed up by some life event but if you have the ability to stop all the mess inside your head and remember that you truly like your life right now, regardless of what happened or what might happen, then you are a master of fear, you can control fear, you can end it at will.
If you learn to truly like your life unconditionally, then you conquered all the fear.
You found peace.

reply to post by Manula

Do you see where am going?
You cant control the existence of those things you cherish but you can control the conditions you put to like your life.
Can you like your life right now, regardless of what happened, what might happen, who you are and what you have?

Yes, I see where you're going.
This is the Buddhist approach: all you have is this very moment. Past things are past; future things are unknown....
my life is fine the way it is, at this moment.

Your OP reminded me of the Serenity Prayer (a universal tool rather like The Golden Rule):

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I'd tweak the first line:
I will focus on sustaining the serenity.....

S/F
Hope I correctly saw where you're going.


"Worry" is the definition of 'fear', I think.
And 'worry' wastes energy.

reply to post by wildtimes


Yes, Buddhism addresses this correctly.
But this is everywhere, even in psychology.
But i think most people don't really believe in it.
It wont work unless you truly believe it.
It must be a strong belief, not just a thought.

reply to post by Manula

Fear is the expectation of harm (physical, mental, emotional). It is only a thought. Fight or flight can exist without fear as a rational decision chosen by logical evaluations of the current experience. Fear is a just a break down and loss of self-control.

reply to post by Manula

But this is everywhere, even in psychology.
But i think most people don't really believe in it.

More's the pity.

I used to have terrible anxiety/panic attacks as a kid in my early 20s. I went for help to a psychologist....and got it.

Much later (20 years) I took a degree in psychotherapy - and practiced it. There are many ways to 'relieve' oneself of anxiety (worry/fear)....
breathing is a primary tool.
Focus on the breath - be aware of every intake, every outlet; this has a way of relaxing ALL of the muscles as well as the mind.

"Mindfulness" is another tool - be present - be focused in each moment.



For those who don't like to accept that it's a "Buddhist" tenet, it's fine for them to simply focus on breathing, relaxation, and staying in the moment.....

ALSO, KNOWING that this moment, too, will pass. Just did.

Lynk3
reply to post by Manula

 

Fear is the expectation of harm (physical, mental, emotional). It is only a thought. Fight or flight can exist without fear as a rational decision chosen by logical evaluations of the current experience. Fear is a just a break down and loss of self-control.

I agree but fear is inevitable if you are too attached to temporary uncontrollable stuff to like your life.
The trick is to enjoy stuff and still be able to like life without it.
What you say is that we just have to analyse and make decisions, we don't have to loose it, i agree, but you have to create conditions to behave like that. Unconditional love for life will give you that peace of mind.

All very well and good... and I thought I was fearless after life long struggle and learning and really knowing I was going to die and getting past it in the meta sense and having a detached perspective as touched upon in the OP... until I had a sleep paralysis and was washed by uncontrollable total panic and terror.

So... dunno ... getting past the nervous system and conquering all fear at all times... would we still be human? I dunno... but think we'll have to to survive as a species and be whole as individuals. It is a tough road, though.

Fear as a survival mechanism is sure useful, but I think we're past the time when it became obsolete.

Off topic in a sense... but not too much.

reply to post by Manula


I have often been told that heros are those who have, or atleast show, no fear.

I am not, by any means, a hero. But I can say that they are the ones who are "too damn scaried" to think of anything else to do.

reply to post by Manula


Do I have to love this place even if it from my point of view and experience "sucks"?

The whole you are supposed to be happy where you are is from my point of view forcing yourself to not feel disconnection that might be real reasons for the disconnection.

Some souls are just not suitable as humans.

LittleByLittle
reply to post by Manula

 

Do I have to love this place even if it from my point of view and experience "sucks"?

The whole you are supposed to be happy where you are is from my point of view forcing yourself to not feel disconnection that might be real reasons for the disconnection.

Some souls are just not suitable as humans.

edit on 10-2-2014 by LittleByLittle because: (no reason given)

The thing is, whats best for you? Hate or love? Its just about doing whats best.

Manula

LittleByLittle
reply to post by Manula

 

Do I have to love this place even if it from my point of view and experience "sucks"?

The whole you are supposed to be happy where you are is from my point of view forcing yourself to not feel disconnection that might be real reasons for the disconnection.

Some souls are just not suitable as humans.

edit on 10-2-2014 by LittleByLittle because: (no reason given)

The thing is, whats best for you? Hate or love? Its just about doing whats best.

Do that not depend on what you are supposed to manifest? If I do not like something do I not try to change it even if it is only by need/prayer/want. Even Jesus talked about hating this place. Love and hate becomes a simplification if you do not ask yourself why do you hate or love?

I can love the beauty of the universe and the consciousness of the mind and the feeling of life flowing in my body and still feel disconnected and unhappy with the progress of human evolution and current state of earth. And that feeling of unhappiness and disconnection can be useful for change.

reply to post by Manula


awesome post!
thanks Manula!

peace.

reply to post by Manula


I like to cherish every moment. I'm always aware of everything. I'm also the type of person that sees something cool, puts my phone away and wishes other people could have seen it lol. The only thing I fear is fear itself, but since I fear nothing at the current moment, does that mean I'm fearful or mindful?

Meditation tames fear. It's almost like when you meditate, you can't fear. I've experienced this feeling before. A calmness that can't be described. The world could be burning around you, and it won't matter.

Oannes
Meditation tames fear. It's almost like when you meditate, you can't fear. I've experienced this feeling before. A calmness that can't be described. The world could be burning around you, and it won't matter.

Thats just the attitude i am talking about.
Whatever happens, we can always like to be alive in the now.

Oannes
Meditation tames fear. It's almost like when you meditate, you can't fear. I've experienced this feeling before. A calmness that can't be described. The world could be burning around you, and it won't matter.

Spirit over mind control?

There is a thing called amygdala fear overload where the amygdala gets overloaded on a level that is extreamly painful but afterwards that calmness you are talking about is always there when you let go of things. The fear response have been removed from that being even if things can be annoying.

Namaste