getting hurt by other people

I have heard a lot of times that when you are hurt by other people it has nothing to do with those people, it's all your own fault. But no one ever explains how it works.

In the past when I posted on other forums about rejection for example I used to get a lot of crap thrown at me. I feel like a lot of those people were projecting their fears onto me when throwing insults at me.

One thing I have begun to realize is that all the rejection has actually been a blessing. To get along well with everyone means you've got to be a conformist. You can't be deep and conformist at the same time. I have had a spiritual blessing. I have also read quite a few articles that confirm this.

But I don't understand how other people can have absolutely nothing to do with your condition, which I have heard Buddhist nuns, Kabbalists and others say.

Let's say that I were to have a child. Then I neglected it, verbally abused it etc. to the point where it was psychologically damaged. Would I then have nothing at all to do with the problems that child were to have later in life? Would such problems be entirely the child's own fault, a matter of the child "not having overcome its ego"?

reply to post by introspectionist


If people keep hurting you, then you're too trusting. The world is simple, 80 percent of the retards on this planet aren't worth meeting, out of the remaining 20 percent, use your own instincts.

I honestly wouldn't piss on most people if they were on fire, but there's still some left that are genuine and honest.

reply to post by introspectionist


I think it is fair to say that every single human being on this planet has had different experiences, upbringing, different lives. Even two people with the same parents, growing up in the same house, attending the same school, having the same level of aptitude in education, and the same opportunities, will turn out differently according to a combination of environmental factors and unique neurophysiology.

The same event viewed by two different people, will be seen differently, even if the physical perspective is near identical. In a quarter second of life, unfolding before two sets of eyes, the two brains behind those eyes will register totally different details about the event. Some will register an expression on a face, or the colour of an eye. Others will note the cut of a persons suit, or the make of the cap they are wearing. Some will see things happen in slow motion, others will merely stammer "It..ha-ha-happened so fast".

For reasons that have only to do with physiology, with the way that neural connections have formed in an individual brain, things can seem very different depending on which headspace someone happens to inhabit, and that is before we even approach the subject of the more emotional elements of the mind, and delve therefore into the realm of psychology. I have always found it helpful to consider psychology as the study of the environmental effects on a mind and its development. The reason for this, is that unlike neurophysiology, which concentrates on the actual construction of the human brain, psychology deals with the non-physical elements of the mind, the concepts, the way that thought is structured in abstract.

Some people have an unwitting, habitual need to feel victimised, or vindicated, or under some kind of threat. Others feel the need to be dominator to all they see, usually to hide an insecurity of one sort or another. The fact is that there are so many archetypes where psychology is concerned, that to make snap judgements based on posts on the internet, about any one human being on the planet, is foolish and egotistical of the commentator. One cannot possibly know the motivations of a person based on such a small and skewed sample of their behavior, as that represented by internet activity on a site like this. People are very different on the internet than they are in real life, and I am an example of that.

On this site, I try where possible to use the very highest reaches of my intellect and communication ability, to cut through to the heart of the issues I discuss, share my understanding of the world, the universe, life and everything else with the membership, and absorb theirs in return. I have been accused of being a writer and so on. However, although I can be a verbose bugger when the mood takes me in day to day life, I am also what can only be legitimately described as "pretty bloody sweary", often drunk as a lord, occasionally high as a kite, and say the word "dude" an awful lot.

Now, it is true that sometimes a members posts say an awful lot about them in terms of their education level, their intelligence, their linguistic aptitude, and even their immediate mental state, as in the case of Jared Lee Loughner (who shot Gabby Giffords and others a few years back) who showed clear signs of a total break down in higher reasoning, sleep deprivation, and so on in posts leading up to that event. But in terms of character assessments based purely on post history, unless all the members here are wandering around with degrees in psychology, there is no way that they can make accurate assessments.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You should invite and gladly welcome problems into your life and treat them as sacrid lessons or tests from the universe.

No test, no testimony.

If you have a problem that can be solved by man, then you have no problem at all.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

If you've never been challenged then you'll remain, weak, brittle, thin skinned, childish, insecure, naive, ego driven.

It's perfectly okay to have challenges come your way. They'll make you stronger, smarter, wiser, give you perserverance, character, and many other qualities.

If you're still effected very much by what anyone says about you or too you then you haven't been threw very much in life to still be at that level.

introspectionist

But I don't understand how other people can have absolutely nothing to do with your condition, which I have heard Buddhist nuns, Kabbalists and others say.

Everyone is effected by others to a certain degree. What Buddhist sayings fail to recognize is that when you are NOT hurt by another, it is YOUR choice to let that happen based on what THEY COULD do. Just because you didn't let them get to you, that doesn't mean you didn't have to put up a wall, because you obviously did. Putting up that wall is a defense mechanism that proactively keeps you at peace from what could be a negative emotion. Therefore, they effected that part of your decision making.

And I understand about conforming in order to please others, which in turn opens the door to the possibility of getting hurt. What I do is leave that door cracked just a little so only a select few can possibly get in. I'm picky about whom I associate with. Whom I want to conform to and who I want to conform to me. Out of those few types of people, when someone hurts me, intentionally or not.................it hurts.

And yes, that's on me as much as them. But you can't live your life shutting out everyone. You have to extend yourself at some point and leave yourself open to the possibility that you're going to get hurt or dissapointed by others. That's life. But you're also opening the door for someone to come in and make you happy and complete like you've never been happy or fulfilled before.

Life is a crapshoot and you have to roll the dice at some point.

Let's say that I were to have a child. Then I neglected it, verbally abused it etc. to the point where it was psychologically damaged. Would I then have nothing at all to do with the problems that child were to have later in life? Would such problems be entirely the child's own fault, a matter of the child "not having overcome its ego"?

reply to post by introspectionist


I am guessing from this analogy that your parents are refusing to do something for you that you want them to.
There aren't very many 'perfect' parents in this world, and a lot of 'young' adults blame their failures in life on having been poorly parented.
You need to realize that YOU are the author of your life now. Your success or failure has nothing to do with your upbringing anymore. Grab your bootstraps, and make your life what you want it to be.
You're in charge now; not your parents, or anybody else.
Miss Nugget

reply to post by nugget1


You failed to address the core of the text you quoted. I'm not surprised. Most of what I read on forums is worthless.

We get hardened by society. If we do not change, we get walked all over all our lives. This is evident here in the USA and there are many different groups that control people. Knowing how to deal with them and showing confidence in the world is what it has been about in the past. Not everyone is an alpha individual though and never can be. If you have inner convictions, which is a good trait in my book, people will identify and prey on those convictions. They use Ad Hominum techniques to do this or just outright violence if you do not allow them to control. The laws are formed to protect the people in charge most times. Not the everyday common meek person. The laws allow deception of the sheep. Survival of the fittest is a scam.

I am an alpha, but I do not try to control people, I try to guide them and show them possible solutions....Unless I get really mad...nobody wants to see me mad. I have a very slow temper and rarely get mad and I also have a meek personality till I blow. People can sense that about me in person, if they can't I guess that they are pretty dumb.

reply to post by rickymouse
The alpha male is lifted up as some sort of ideal and superior among young men these days. I don't think it is a personality that's better than any other personality. The alpha male corresponds with the mesomorph.

www.innerexplorations.com...

The meso is extrovert, action loving, competitive, insensitive, unhesitating, loves power, to control, etc.

I'm the ecto, the introvert, sensitive, intellectual, spiritual, pessimist, hermit etc.

It's the jock and nerd pretty much. I wouldn't wanna trade places.

The meso is out fighting wars, the ecto sits at home and reflects upon it.

Being a conformist is not necessarily equated to people getting along with you.

It may be partially true for certain age groups, but overall, they just arent related.

Definitely do not conform for the sake of conforming, but if you are a strict non-conformist realize that you will be just as controlled by the dogma. It will be the inverse, but just as predictable as what is rejected, and based on the *exact* same behavior and patterns.

Carve your own perspective, but there is no reason to dismiss things without exploration just because you are "against" how those tools are used in certain groups. In other words, dont dismiss the value of other perspectives simply because your ideologies clash.

introspectionist
reply to post by nugget1

 

You failed to address the core of the text you quoted. I'm not surprised. Most of what I read on forums is worthless.

Do as I say, not as I do, huh? Your post is a good example of what you are complaining about. Rather than try to understand what that person is saying, you attack it as "worthless." That pretty well nullifies your argument. You're willing to whine about being hurt by others but if you do it TO others, meh? You don't even think about the impact of your words.

I'm just gonna reply to the general idea of why people get hurt in relationships.

Your looking for someone that you only know subconsciously because you haven't met them yet. You also have people you subconsciously know you are supposed to be around.

In trying to find that person you are looking for you are going to run into people who are close to the blue print of the person. But because they are not if you have gotten with them they will get hurt if they cared.

Some people are not meant to be with people at that time and have to regroup later on in life. All in All it's a rat race of people who sub consciously know those people are supposed to be in there life along with looking for the right person.

Because the details are not in the for front people get hurt.

You failed to address the core of the text you quoted. I'm not surprised. Most of what I read on forums is worthless. reply to post by introspectionist

I think I DID address the core issue.
Your post jumps around, and doesn't seem to make much sense - especially this:

But I don't understand how other people can have absolutely nothing to do with your condition, which I have heard Buddhist nuns, Kabbalists and others say.

The only thing that WAS clear is your sense of entitlement, and your parents not indulging you any more.
You get out of life exactly what you're willing to put into it.
Merry Christmas.

reply to post by introspectionist


Why are you even bothering with these posts when you already decided you have all the answers? You dismiss what anyone else has to say on these matters and proclaim yourself all knowing and correct.