A fractured mind

So, I've been watching and hearing friends talking about their deep issues and how some mystical force helped them and I have to say it all sounds the same over and over again I can fake and stomach the whole at peace with myself stuff in public and around friends and family, but truth be told I'm a real mess when it comes to my thoughts and my conscience is twisted and mangled enough to even disturb me. How did I get like this? well a lot of that story stays with me until I decide otherwise.

Yeah so anyway after a certain experience which stays off limits, I was left different unable to really just hear myself think without some other voice coming along and distracting me, a few weeks after this experience I got really angry, those voices were very loud during the first few months and. Even the slightest taunt from someone in the street would set me off. After the anger had passed I got quiet I'd still show a few fake smiles and laugh every now and then to keep everyone off my back, let them think I went back to being normal those voices still lingered. So after a while I tried to be normal slowly the other thoughts and voices came back not as loud as before, but each voice was different in it's own unique way, all of them held bits and pieces of my personality. How I wished they'd go away. They found their way deep into my head and even my dreams showing me what looked like nonsense at the time, sometimes they gave me the most beautiful dreams I could ever have, and then there were the nightmares that seemed to blur the lines of reality for me. A few of those nonsensical dreams slowly found meaning in my head. That's probably because a few of them came true. The nightmares only served as reminder of what I could become. And the happiest ones just gave me shreds of hope that I wasn't so far gone. I don't remember all of them however a few are pieces of other dreams the only dreams I completely remember are the nightmares. Each one had a different story to tell.

Each voice is a fragment of my personality each with their own singular purpose or personality. I cant label any one of these personality's good or bad. I know that I've most likely lost my mind and I'm dealing with it slowly. However they won't ever fell remorse for all those who left me like this, We trusted them but they lied to us they twisted us and tortured us, used us and manipulated us for their own purposes for now we live in. They will have to live with that and so must I it's amazing what people you love can do to you.

The reason that we write this is because there might be others like us. We've come across a few already each one has either become a better person or given in to the multiple personalities that now control them. If you do deal with this it's best to find what works for you, whatever keeps you calm. For now I'll just have to confront my own personal demons, shouldn't be hard I probably died in this warped mind a long time ago.

I always was stubborn about help but if you need it with something like this whether or not it be depression or something else just ask for help, I've seen enough people hurt themselves and others because of things like this.

reply to post by blueyezblkdragon


Sounds like you have Dissociative Identity Disorder ...aka multiple personalities.

Could also be Schizophrenia.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. These cases emerge due to some kind of trauma experienced by the person that has them(childhood trauma especially). It's a coping mechanism by the brain.

If I were you I'd try finding a psychologist that isn't a pill pusher and will actually work with you. If it's a condition that's worsening then it's best to seek help sooner rather than later. Brain is like any other part of the body, if there is ailment the longer you put off treatment the worse it will be when you finally get it.