"...A Case of Arrested Development"

I was recently accused by someone close to me of being "...a case of arrested development."

On first impression, I would be considered by most a little immature for my age. Hoodies, Dickies, t-shirts, and Chucks or flip flops is my normal attire. Yes I dress like a high school kid and I'll be 40 one day soon. I deal and play poker for a living. I don't have a house, a car payment, or kids.

If this were someone I didn't know, I would just laugh at them.

At her I laughed harder.

What I told this person (things that she already knows, but I guess didn't consider before flapping her gums) was that I had already achieved the 'adult' mentality and that it freaked me out. I tried to live the way we're 'supposed' to live. I chased the money and the stuff. I tried to find someone to live happily ever after and breed with. I was very unhappy. I couldn't operate within a set of rules that didn't make any sense, in a common sense way, and which were obviously weighted in favor of the few, a group to whom I probably would never belong. I haven't had a bank account in 7 years now, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I told her that I was not a case of arrested development, but rather one of intentional, purposed self-regression. That the more I was able to see the world through the eyes of a child, the more I saw, as if seeing for the first time. That the less I feared/'respected' the opinions of my peers, the so called 'adults', the more free I was to do and be what I needed to be when I needed to be. And that the less I feared death, the more I was free to truly live.

I have a penchant for the dramatic. Anyway, this is a very truncated and clear version of the actual conversation, but the main points are covered.

She thought that what she heard was very important, that she'd never actually seen it that way, and now she wants to tell everyone, but she's really screwing it up. It's funny to watch.

I can relate. Though i'm only 22. We supposed to just do what every one says is 'the way to live'.... keep our head down, keep going, Just Do It. Nah... not me either brother.

im the only sibling and cousin that has yet to have a kid. and apparently that makes me the family bum.
even though none of them are married, live apart from their parents. and still they have tons of debt.

but something must be wrong with me. im to happy and independent. so i am constantly that uncle at the family get togethers that is just looked down upon as some unachieved loser.

i can see if you believed the secret to success is being married, or owning a house. true or not, at least you have something to go by.
but im being looked down on because i didnt procreate... it dosnt even matter if they are single and broke. making babies is the path to adulthood in my family.

Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who are living the American sleepy time activity, and some of them are well aware of the real picture, and they're content with their lives.

There's a thousands ways to skin the happiness cat, and it all really comes down to choice.

It's nice when someone understands where you're coming from, at least.

reply to post by Mon1k3r


I can relate also. A kid at heart(52) I am living my version of the "American dream". I do own my own home though, but it is completely paid for. I love to laugh and smile and a lot of people are offended by my happiness. I guess that just reinforces the fact that it must be right!

reply to post by Mon1k3r


Can anyone who eschews the habitual collection of trinkets, avoids buying into some consumerist crap, and does not accept that living in the modern age, ought to mean more paperwork than actual work, be considered a case of arrested development?

reply to post by colddeadhands


A lot of my friends were 'on the right track' prior to '08 and they got burned really bad. Some of them because they bought homes they were not equipped to pay for, some lost half or more of their 401ks, one of my friend's businesses completely died. Another one of my family member's multi-million dollar businesses completely died as a direct result of 9/11.

The way I see it, everyone's coming closer to 'my level' whether they want to or not. The question is, how bent out of shape will people get when they realize that all they've been working for can be devalued, without any say on their part?

The meek (not me) are the ones who are in the greatest position right now. Those who aren't used to daily hot showers, those who don't swipe cards for food, those who know water just doesn't come out of a tap magically. They are the ones who don't have anything to lose, and if winning comes down to losing less, well then I guess they win.

reply to post by Mon1k3r


People tend to resolve complex situations by generalizing and if possible resolving to binary (i.e. right and wrong).

It's neither abnormal or immoral. It's just how we are wired.

Certain people can reject this path and attain something higher IMO. It's not a path that is easier, will make you more successful, collect more friends and entice the opposite sex. This path is indeed abnormal and will test your patience.

Once you realize this option is available and you assert your own personal power, it feels good and there is no need to apologize. It sounds like you are there already.

And it seems to me that 'having friends of the opposite sex' has little to do with money. Or at least mine don't seem to care about it.

Well, I've been waiting for about 50 years now for the vast majority to realize that 'disposable' is a lie, that consumerist culture is pathological, and that capitalism is a form of brutality against humanity and the planet.

I generally get called a 'conspiracy theorist' for my trouble, as if that's a bad thing.

I'm pretty convinced at this point that the human race is only going to wise up once they've not only poisoned the entire planet, but themselves on an individual basis.

Homo sapiens sapiens is the biggest oxymoron ever.