My one and only drunk post

I rarely drink, and I never get drunk, ever. Except tonight. Last time was 15 years ago. There is only one thing that can cause me enough pain to let it get this far and that is my kids (don't worry, they aren't here, I would never drink if they were.) Their father has caused so much pain in everyone's lives, especially theirs and I am powerless to stop it. It's my fault. I was young and dumb and had kids with the wrong man. An abusive man.
Unfortunately, by drinking, I hurt the man that I love, the one I wish I had my kids by. I just wanted to dull the pain that has been building up for the last 14 years. Stupid mistake. For whats it's worth, I just needed to vent. I am sure people will say ATS isn't the right place for something like this and I agree, but here I am anyways.
I love my kids to death, I just wish motherhood didn't hurt so much sometimes, especially when you know you are the one responsible for their pain by choosing their father.
Sometimes I wish I don't care so freaking much, so he couldn't use hurting my kids against me, but he knows I would rather take the hit than to see them suffer.
I guess I have hurt several people tonight, I don't know how to fix things. I am so freaking tired of people getting hurt because of me.

Choose who you have children with wisely folks. There is nothing worse than seeing your children suffer because of it.

Gurl you have many here who support you, life is short you shouldn't have to deal with pain through it... take it from experience...

if you ever need to vent or chat about the absurd i'm always open!

Complete outsider here, but was raised in a very strange/bad family. I feel the sense of your loving your children/new family. What ever the old was, it will be painful to really end it, but it's almost alien how good things feel after, no fear, no expected pain, nothing but loving your loved ones. I send you as much strength as i can. Take care.

reply to post by calstorm


These will help. From one person who has gone through much suffering involving children and relationships trust me.





Love is the key to being happy. Love everyone and everything as if they were your mother and father, DO NOT hold onto anger or dispaire let those emotions go. Emotions do not control you, you control your emotions so be happy and think good thoughts your life will change within weeks of thinking this way.
Take it or leave it. I just give information what you choose to do with it is up to you.

reply to post by calstorm


You say choose who you have kids with.. but if you didn't have you kids with that person then they would be different children than you have now.. I'm sure you wouldn't change them.for the world?
Every cloud and all that...

This is a first for you Cal, funny thing is for years I thought you were a guy because you posted in the survival forums. lol. I kinda felt the same way about the mother of 2 of my sons. She would drive me absolutely nuts! Once I got out from under her I could return to normal again.
It's easy to tell you're in a lot of pain right now and I'm sorry to hear that. In the end you're the only one who can forgive and move on in life. There is really no other choice if you want to free yourself from that anger. I wish you and your kids all the best. Take care.

ATA

reply to post by calstorm


well I was naughty and have two children to two different Fathers. One was a complete and utter waste of space and I raised my Daughter on my own (it is and was a blessing) then 4 years later I met a man and well didn't plan on falling pregnant but I did and Father is OCD. Married him and became very good at keeping the house OCD perfect until one day I said... *^%$$!!! and asked for a divorce.

omg, ever asked a OCD person for a divorce LMAO

my point is, (sorry to rave on) I have two beautiful children and even when things are not la de da perfect, it is real and they know they are loved.

My Son is 17 and he knows if his Dad starts acting like a twat, he has every right to punch him in the head. (he deserves it) I don't usually advocate physical force but sometimes it is necessary.

My Daughter met her bio Dad last year and he was all over her trying to be Daddy after 22 years of not being there. I laughed my butt off just recently because she rejected him... lol and he started to cry. Well too bad him, he is and will always be a complete waste of space... no sympathy from me.

You love your kids and that is all that matters at the end of the day!

Now funny but if I had to live my life over again, I would be deliberately naughty and scruff the two Fathers again because even though I don't like them, I would want to have my kids again and well, that requires their sperm.

reply to post by calstorm


Look on the bright side- at least you didn't pick another wrong one trying to give your kids a good father. Then you would have to have another drunk posting rant..... the blessings are in the details. Don't feel too bad, at least you've gotten it out of your system instead of letting it build and really causing serious damage. Even kids can forgive a little alcohol induced melancholy every now and again. All will be okay!