Should I tell her?

reply to post by dave_welch


It sucks but I'd say just let her go. Trust me when I saw I have been crushed by a girl leaving me. Afterwords I dated a few girls and it turned out they just wanted to be friends with benefits, and finally I ended up with a girl who I've been with now for over 2 years. Love sucks, but it's easier to forget about her by being with friends and date some other girls. Don't get too attached, lots of women don't like that. Although don't pass up on someone you like that you think might be looking for something serious. Talk about how you feel and she does. I'm always nervous to ask a girl out or tell her I like her, but then I find it silly because either they are like "we are just friends" or they like you too.

No offense to anyone out there, but some girls are just unfaithful, or slutty. If this girl lead you on and is living with another guy now, then obviously she isn't a keeper in a few ways. My friend was dating a coworker for half a year, she was younger, but they had a great time. He took her skiing, and bought her all these gifts for xmas, then she just stopped talking to him one day. She had a male room mate that she swore was only a roomy, but turns out they were in a relationship for a long time and she just wanted an affair.

reply to post by dave_welch


You have to let her go. I know you "love" her but right now, she doesn't want you. She may want the things you do for her but she doesn't want you. This will get easier, but if she is yours she will come back. Right now you need to be selfish and let yourself heal. do yourself a favor and get on match or something and go on some dates with other women. That will help with the sting you are experiencing.

dave_welch
I'm sure you guys are right. It's just hard for me to not act on my emotions sometimes.

There are ways to deal with unrequited love. Get some counseling, or go to your public library, or do a search on line.
LOTS of good info is out there- and much of it is free.
You need to figure out why YOU have such a strong attachment to a failed relationship that you can't let go.
It's ultimately your choice whether or not you want to move on, or live in pain.
When you figure out why you are doing this to yourself you'll be able to stop.
Moving on isn't easy, but living as you are is harder in the long run.
Ms. Nugget

I'm sorry your hurting, heartbreak always sucks. That being said, after reading the link to your previous thread and this one, it sounds more like you are obsessed with the idea of her or what she represents than her personally. I do not mean to come across harsh but I think you are escaping reality and making excuses to cling to this non-relationship that clearly never was.

Anyone who really cared about you, valued your friendship even, would not emotionally manipulate or abuse you. Clearly she has issues that you cannot fix. You will get no reward for playing Jesus and nailing yourself to a cross for this chick. You need to let it go for your own mental health and wellness and realize that regardless of your feelings towards her, they are not returned by her. Unless you want to be a martyr that is.

Telling her how you feel and being there for her, when she so callously cast you aside without even talking to you about not returning the level of feelings you have for her, would be akin to pinning a kick me sign on your own back in 5th grade and then being upset when classmates kick you and screaming into the sky why me???

We all deserve to be loved and cared for, it isn't weakness on your part to want someone to love and love you, no man or woman is an island. She however, is never going to provide you with that love and caring. Find someone who appreciates you or waste your time crying over someone who could care less. As many posters have stated, the choice is yours. I hope you find the inner strength to love yourself first and walk away to greener pastures.

reply to post by dave_welch



When you demean yourself to her . . .

you only succeed in making yourself LESS attractive to her.

You've told her, evidently, all she's willing to tolerate passing her awareness.

I suppose you could send her a post card sized note explaining that you are backing off unless and until she initiates contact out of respect for her persona and freedom to choose.

But don't grovel.

It won't help.

It only makes you LESS attractive and her more likely to want to vomit at the thought of your name.

You might spend some time with a counselor . . . exploring the factors involved in fostering your grovelingly seeking the approval of someone who abuses you.

Who in your family history are you trying to FINALLY

PROVE

YOU'RE A PERSON OF WORTH, TO?

Bolster your self worth by doing honorable admirable things.

Do something creative with your hands.

Avoid groveling. It's unattractive. It leaves you looking pitiable, not cool.

reply to post by SixX18


Fact of life: Happiness is a choice!
You are in charge of your own life, and the choices you make.
Nobody has the power to make you happy, but yourself.
Everybody tells you to move on, and you say you can't....what are you getting out of your misery that is so enjoyable you refuse to move on?
Heck, even you know and admit you 'should' move on. For some reason, you don't 'want' to.
There is obviously something inside you that feels a need to be punished in this way, or you wouldn't allow it to continue. Figure out what it is if you want to change it.
I don't know if you're a 'needy' person, or not; only you can answer that. Needy people are a vexation to the soul.
They suck the energy right out of you.
You're young enough to figure out what you truly want from life and love, and I hope you're willing to put forth the effort to learn how to make that happen.
You 'love' her; she doesn't love you. Black and white.You obviously don't want advice; you want somebody to tell you it's okay to grovel after a girl that wants nothing to do with you.
I'm here to tell you it's okay! Cling away! It's your life, and you have the right to live it any way you want.
Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.
Nugget

reply to post by dave_welch


Don't worry about it, it's pointless. It's best to just let her go. It's just going to cause you heartache. Go live life and be happy. Good thing about love is that you can always fall in love with someone else.

dave_welch
What should I do?

Go see her in hospital.

Take a new girlfriend with you.

reply to post by dave_welch


Jeez, just read all your posts.
Many of us have been where you are, and I am one of them!
So I will say to you the opposite of what everyone else is saying.
Yes, tell her, you got nothing to lose. Otherwise how will you ever know?
I did this myself, and he said he did not feel the same, but would still like us still to be friends.
That hurt, a lot, as he seemed quite happy in my company.
I decide it was too painful for me, so do not see him any more.
That was a few years ago now.
But at least I am now not daydreaming about our future!
Hey, he liked me well enough, he just didn't feel the spark I felt.
I hope it turns out different for you.

reply to post by LILY9


He knows already she knows how he feels already. He just isn't accepting reality. He even knows he isn't willing to accept what is by his own admission. Right now he is looking for any reason to have hope. And while it always plays out in romantic comedies, in real life it doesn't. The worst that can happen is she will give him more reason to hold out hope in an effort to not crush him making the situation worse.

Dave you really need to just cut your losses and any communication for now. Let yourself heal and move on to a woman worth your time, effort and affection. In time maybe you can get your friendship back but first you have to be in a better emotional place. You are just simply torturing yourself on this one.

reply to post by dave_welch


Hi Dave, i've read at least some of your previous threads on this matter though i have not commented on them as it all seemed to be covered by others; but i may as well chime in now and say that i think you have to bite the bullet and work hard at moving on. No good will come of persevering with this particular relationship in my opinion. Best of luck to you dude

reply to post by dave_welch


Dave let it go. That one is to much trouble. Like Bart Simpson says, "no way man!". I don't see how it could possibly work, really. She's hooked up and all so.. just pass go and collect your heartache and rack it up to life experiences (in falling in love) Good luck man!


Go here and talk and post a song when it's busy you might get lucky! I've already racked up lots of minutes on my phone and even played my guitar to someone here over the phone (jeeeze...lol!! ) who knows..it's a start! www.abovetopsecret.com...

Thanks to everyone for all of your help and advice. Even though it's not the advice I wanted, I'm starting to feel a little better about the whole situation. So thanks to all of you, and hopefully someday I'll be able to help you out as well.

reply to post by dave_welch


Asking advice is a risky venture. And one should not do it unless they are prepared to hear what they don't want to. You didn't hear what you wanted to hear but were given the advice you need to hear.

The capacity of the human heart to love is one that only knows the limits placed on it by it's owner. Time will move on and you will find someone to not only love but that will love you back the way you deserve to be. You just have to be open to that possibility and continuing on with this one will make that extremely difficult.

Okay so what I got from that other post, mind you I didnt read the whole thread, just what you put.

So you had sex with her, started to fall for her?

Then 4 days later she has some random dude living with her and she is happy.

Tells me that it was just sex, heart wants what the heart wants, but its one sided.

She isnt answering your texts or calling you. It sucks but MOVE ON.

Seriously it sounds like you are tourturing yourself. Slowly you will stop thinking of her, and who knows maybe she will get her s#it together and come around again, till then...make yourself happy.
Because it sounds to me that you arent right now, and that has to do with her.

So cut her out.

reply to post by dave_welch

I can soooo relate to this! How insane the same situation happened to me recently This guy came along who had gotten out of a marriage and I was there for him as a friend, sometimes more than a friend because he would lead me on and then when I would try to move forward he would say things like things don't happen over night blah blah, then after months of being there for him and him leading me on, he gets shady on me and becomes official with some chick he was pursuing the entire time at his job. I begged and cried to him and all he could say was he was happy with her! I was completely heartbroken. It's still been so hard to not think of him but now when I think of him I feel anger. Maybe the problem with you and I is maybe were just too freekin nice. If in our hearts we really want to be more than just friends maybe we should make it clearer a lot sooner instead of letting them use us when they need us. I'm sorry to share my story but it feels better letting it out especially to somebody who can relate. I hope you're feeling better. I'm sure trying everyday staying occupied