That "One" Family Member

You know what I'm talking about. That "one" family member who is discussed in whispered tones in dark corners of different family member's homes during every major holiday event? You know. If you don't know that "ONE" family member.... You're it.

The more I look around, the more I believe that we all have this is common. Whether it is a cruel joke of fate or if it's just in the numbers nobody knows. But we all know the signs.

Do you recognize any of these traits in a member of your own family?

They show up drunk to any and all events. This includes, but is not limited to... christenings, Groundhog Day, funerals, Thanksgiving dinners, family reunions, graduations, and Secretary's Day.

They only call you when they need money, a ride somewhere, a babysitter, a kidney, bail, a job reference, to brag about a new purchase, or your pain medicine (yes, really).

They get a little to touchy feely with everybody with or without brain altering chemicals. They slide in on the move like a pro sliding into home base. You are always watching out for it... but they sneak up on you EVERY time. Maybe it's a hug that lasts just a little too long. Maybe it's a wayward elbow to the breast as they are dipping out the potato salad at Granny Knitabit's 92 birthday party. They always seem to have creepy, clammy hands to boot. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

They live their life in such a way that when someone asks you if you are related you instinctively ask why and base your reply off of that reason.

They seem to get by in life by doing absolutely nothing. The chips always seem to fall in their favor regardless of the life decisions they make.

They never grew up and never take responsibility for anything. They seem to have quit mentally maturing at a stage where their brain is like that of a 14 year old boy raised by wolves.

Drama follows in their wake and it usually sucks you into it no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

I could go on and on. Recent life events have led to this rant because sometimes you just get tired of dealing with people like this. If they weren't family you would never associate with them. The familial bond leads you to tolerate more from these people than you would give anyone else that walked on the face of the earth.

I have an older brother that behaves like a much younger brother and it just gets old sometimes. At 40 I have pretty much accepted the fact that he won't grow up. It's like Pee-Wee's Playhouse runs in his brain 24 hours a day.

Ah well. I know I am not alone. Thanks for listening to my "sort of" rant. Share your horror story... I know I am not the only one.

ETA - That all of these do not apply to my brother or situation. I should have clarified that he wasn't trying to grope his sister at every turn. As I said below, these are just a few other examples of what I've heard other people dealing with. My experience runs to the "dealing with a drunk" side more than anything.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


You mean there's only one? Because in my family people like that outnumber the rest of us! And who gets talked about? Family rule is that if you didn't show up to defend yourself then you are fair game- but there isn't any whispering going on, and if you hear that a relative was shooting their mouth off about you and you ask them if they said something? They will look you in the eye and say hellyeah! What of it? That's how we roll...

Sounds like he's having too much fun, some others are jealous, and your brother doesn't care what they think. Lighten up on him a bit and my the chips fall your way.

reply to post by littled16


Ha! That's the way it should be I think. I have called my brother on it more than once and others have to. Some folks just don't take responsibility.

I guess I have to be clear that my brother is not all of the above. I was using examples of what I've heard others complaining about in their own family as well. I guess I need to go back and clarify that before someone thinks my brother tries to cop a feel from his own sister. Ick.

reply to post by SPYvsSPY



He's more than welcome to have his fun all he likes. When other folks get dragged into it.... that's a different story then isn't it? My post was also poking a little fun at the average dysfunctionality that occurs in most families. I am far from jealous but do sometimes worry about what he considers fun. I really don't want to bury him. Regardless of faults he is still my big brother.

LOL my response is the same as little's. Only one?
Due to the fact that my mom has been married 3 times, myself twice, and with the addition of step siblings and real siblings, along with their spouses, and the fact that we are a fairly close bunch, (read as bugging each other non stop!) We also have more family members like that.
And yes, as we are a rowdy bunch, not much goes on that we all don't know about, and will call each other out on anything and everything.

Makes for some fun family gatherings.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


You have nailed everything but the actual name of my son. Except I have always said that he is still 13 and not the more mature 14 that you mentioned.

You left out one extremely scary part. I'm sure that you are aware of it but part of your mind just can't face it. Or at least, that is my guess, since it is real and lays out there in the future someplace for most of us family members.

At some point, my user son--"user" in all manners of the word--will develop some affliction that will send him to my door wanting shelter, sustenance and care. To imagine that such need he would reform him into a gentle, kind soul that appreciates others meeting those needs is really unthinkable. After all, he has spent his life being a user of everybody and everything and giving nothing.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Everyone has their vices. Also some people feel more comfortable with a few drinks in them especially around these types of gatherings. He notices the looks and the whispers in the dark corners. I guess it would boil down to if he is stumbleing, mean, happy, able to take care of himself, and do the other folks tip a few?

I agree it's a trait that those of us from larger families endure. I am the youngest of 6 I'm 50 allmost 51. I have never ever been anything other than "little brother" in the eyes of my siblings. No matter what Ive done in my life, own business, raised kids, etc.etc. I am still "lil bro" and I will never be what they are.....So damn glad for that it's un-real!!!!!! I tell it this way, they are my brothers & sisters I love them. but at the same time, I dont like them as individuals and choose not to be around them.

Seems as if they always have some advice for me.....so glad Ive never listened. The brother next to me in age, is the person you described ( to a tee) by the way. Sorry as the day is long, drunk most of the time, always in the feces and asking for help. Not to sound harsh, he never gets it from me....after all, I'm just the little brother.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Oddly enough, we don't have one of those family members in my family but my family is pretty weird. And no, lol, it's not me. I don't even drink and I keep as much of my life sharply separate from theirs, lol. I have, however, seen THAT family member in other families so I know they do exist.

reply to post by Aliensun


I imagine my mom feels about the same way you do in this situation. I know I would if it were my child. Most people who only take, do at one point wind up "needing" something. And we give it to them because that is how we are. I am not sure if that is a good thing all the time though. It's hard to understand how some folks just seem not to care about anyone or anything else but themselves. I am sorry you are experiencing it. Especially with a child.

openyourmind1262
I agree it's a trait that those of us from larger families endure. I am the youngest of 6 I'm 50 allmost 51. I have never ever been anything other than "little brother" in the eyes of my siblings. No matter what Ive done in my life, own business, raised kids, etc.etc. I am still "lil bro" and I will never be what they are.....So damn glad for that it's un-real!!!!!! I tell it this way, they are my brothers & sisters I love them. but at the same time, I dont like them as individuals and choose not to be around them.

Seems as if they always have some advice for me.....so glad Ive never listened. The brother next to me in age, is the person you described ( to a tee) by the way. Sorry as the day is long, drunk most of the time, always in the feces and asking for help. Not to sound harsh, he never gets it from me....after all, I'm just the little brother.

It makes you wonder how children raised the exact same way by the exact same parents can wind up so totally different than each other. Different values, different morals, different everything. Your post didn't sound harsh at all. The more help that is given, the more help is generally expected in those situations. I have helped when I could and received the devil incarnate many times when I could not.

It sucks to be put in that position for sure.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

In the family I was adopted into there were a few of those,with the exception that they all managed to hold down a job.
There was Uncle Jay who always was offering to teach me to swim-it took me many years before the penny dropped why his wife Aunt Angie was Always standing by the kitchen window watching like a hawk-Eeew,I was too innocent at the time,assumed she was just bored, but something just felt off and I made sure I learned to swim right quickly.
And uncle Pete who always got drunk at get-togethers and then insulted his wife.
Aunty C who was a hoot because she laughed like a psychotic hyena+made jokes about boobs-till she got religion+was never fun anymore.
And Uncle John,her hubby, who lost most of his fingers in the course of his job working the railyards or somesuch-and seemed able to only speak in unintelligible grunts-sweet natured,though.
And my adoptive mother's 2 adult sons-one a mean alcoholic,the other a spaced-out perpetually drugged looking man who may well have been perpetually drugged,in retrospect.He died without ever even having one date or one girlfriend-or boyfriend,shame,totally unable to form normal relationships.Though he had a fairly nice nature,really.
And Aunt Anne who lived in a small shack out in the backwoods +almost never wore shoes.Her heels were so hard+thick+always seemed cracked,my father swore up+down he once saw her crush a scorpion underfoot with her bare heel,and I could well believe it.
Her son,cousin Willy who laughed like a psychotic hyena+never married till he was about 50-and then he married a first cousin.
A lot of odds in that family-and yet they saw me as the weird one

reply to post by Raxoxane


Ha! Thanks for sharing. I knew I wasn't the only one. It seems to be normal to be somewhat dysfunctional. I guess maybe that makes it not quite as dysfunctional.

Your family sounds almost like mine. I am the odd one for my tattoos, political views, etc. Yet I see the "nuthouse" that is Christmas Dinner.

Kangaruex4Ewe
If you don't know that "ONE" family member.... You're it.

There was this, and I thought "yup, that's me alrighty..."

But then;

They show up drunk to any and all events. This includes, but is not limited to... christenings, Groundhog Day, funerals, Thanksgiving dinners, family reunions, graduations, and Secretary's Day.

They only call you when they need money, a ride somewhere, a babysitter, a kidney, bail, a job reference, to brag about a new purchase, or your pain medicine (yes, really).

And then;

They seem to get by in life by doing absolutely nothing. The chips always seem to fall in their favor regardless of the life decisions they make.

They never grew up and never take responsibility for anything. They seem to have quit mentally maturing at a stage where their brain is like that of a 14 year old boy raised by wolves.

Drama follows in their wake and it usually sucks you into it no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

I hear ya...

I have an older brother that behaves like a much younger brother and it just gets old sometimes. At 40 I have pretty much accepted the fact that he won't grow up. It's like Pee-Wee's Playhouse runs in his brain 24 hours a day.

I have a younger brother in pretty much the same state. Still lives like life has no consequence, and seems to drag everyone and everything down with him. I made the mistake of going into business with him once. Thought it'd be a good idea, and make him take a bit of responsibility. I still like to kick myself in the butt for even thinking it was a good idea.

I read your rant and realised something. I am "that" family member, because all of my family is like what you described in one way or another. My solution was to get three states away where they could only harass me over the phone and only if I chose to pick it up. They pretty much get the hint now and leave me alone to live in peace.

reply to post by 74Templar


At least you tried to help. I have done that as well, more times than I can count. My brother moved a couple of hours away a month or so ago, and I didn't have to cringe when someone knocked on the door until the other night. He's back in town after his soon to be 4th wife kicked him out.

Maybe I should move like you did. You were the smart one! If you don't get away they just keep dragging you back into the vortex of dysfunctionality....

I absolutely LOVE your avatar... LOVE.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


Oh that one was just the final straw in a very long line of them. There have been dozens of "help me I'm poor, I have no house, my wife is kicking me out, etc" I have endured over the years.

Being 2500kms away from the nearest relative does wonders when it cost three days travel and a lot of fuel to reach. Sadly most of my family, and even some former friends are all like this, but are usually nowhere to be seen when you are the one needing help. I always wanted to retire to a mountaintop somewhere with no-one around, well this is the closest I'll get to it.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

Yeah that was dysfunction Central

Some of them were quite unforgettable-they are mostly all gone,I was adopted when my mother was about 45,and I did not keep up contact with the younger 'wing" of the family.It made for an interesting childhood though.
They even had a real-life spy in the family,the son of the uncle who would always get drunk+insult his wife.I asked my mother once why her nephew D was so seldom around,one hardly ever saw him at family get togethers-and she told me he was in our country's Secret Service.I had seen some Bond movies by that time+asked her along the lines of :"wait,what? D is actually a spy?" And she said yes but we don't discuss it as a kiddy I was very impressed!

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

As the subject is family+family members,especially the more oddball+dysfuntional-here is a Must-See comedy with Kevin Spacey+Judy Davis-if you have not already seen it.
Tip:if you have a weak bladder like me,don't drink many fluids before watching-it is Hilarious,as we say in my country,piss-funny


en.m.wikipedia.org...

maybe your just jealous because they're actually having fun in life

reply to post by spartacus699


I am jealous. I am jealous that I don't get to call my 70 year old parents to come pick me up on the side of the road at 3 am because my drunk buddy and I got into a fight and he left me behind. I am absolutely jealous that I am not on my 4th marriage. I am jealous that I can't call everyone trying to find one person to take my dog because on a 30 day whim of a romance I decided to lease my own house out for 2 years... and now I have nowhere to go that will let me keep my dog. I am jealous that I didn't have to pay for 4 stints in rehab that didn't work.

I could go on and on. But you are right... it's jealousy. Pure and simple. I wish I could live that life.