I'm lost.

I am lost.

I would like to share with you all some pretty special and incredible moments of my life that have lead me to a new world that lies before me. However, as I open my mind more, I'm becoming increasingly confused and well, lost..

I welcome all your thoughts & Opinions and challenge you to draw you own conclusions and offer your suggestions as to what some of my experiences could be relating to! And maybe some clarity and directions that would lead me though this period of confusion!..

You don't know me and I don't know you. However you do know I'm a human just like you. I sleep most nights, work during the day. I eat the same/similar foods you do. Wash, walk, drive, spend time with friends and family, play video games, watch movies, TV, pleasure, pain, live and dream.. Just like you. So we're not really that different. In fact we probably share many of the same experiences and beliefs but through different minds, in different places, with different names.. and so on.

My first experience I have posted here on ATS before but would like to re-visit it briefly in the hope of a wider variety of views and opinions..

EX-1
DREAM/NIGHTMARE:

Aged 4/5, living in Australia at the base of Mount Riddell, Victoria. (1995/1996)

For around 6 months to a year (can't remember the exact time frame as it was a long time ago) I used to have a terrifying dream accompanied by sleepwalking. This dream consisted of me standing in total infinite darkness. Imagine standing and walking in space, with normal earth gravity and no stars.. that's pretty much the gist of it. Looking down I could see my hands and feet as clearly as if I were stood in daylight.

Off in the distance I see a field of grass which I walk over to. There is a pebble path winding through the middle to the other side. Between each blade of grass and each pebble there is no dirt, no ground, just the infinite blackness. Children are playing in the fields, picking some kind of flowers from the field (I did say they were Dandelions but the more I think about it I'm sure they were something else)

I walk along the path, seemingly invisible to the other children who keep their distance, joyfully playing in the field either side of me. As I approach the middle of the field, I feel this presence, an energy.. All I now know is it's my turn, I'm next to go in, I was now full of sheer terror. There was nothing there, I never saw what it was but it was powering up, almost like some old machine starting it's engines (No sound at all by the way) This invisible force in front of me was pulling me in.. I don't want to, but have no resistance, completely overpowered! Right before I'm pulled in is when I begin waking..

As I woke I would be disorientated, it would take a good 5 minutes or so to fully waken. I'd still be in the dream but seeing my Mum shaking me by the shoulders repeating my name and telling me to wake up! This is where it gets a little weirder.. As I was in this dream I would be walking around our home with my eyes closed, very pale and shaky. Sometimes running around in circles (I obviously don't remember these bits as I was in the dream) Now the strange bit, as I was walking around I would mumble "I'm in the wrong dimension, this is the wrong dimension"... Now, I was 4/5 while this was happening. I didn't know what a dimension was to even come out with a statement like that. Understandably I am aware that we can pick things up subliminally, without knowing, but I never really watched TV/Movies then I used to play outside with friends (Before all this amazing tech we have today! Ha!).. Maybe possibly heard a friend say it but I don't know, it's still a little weird..

If you have any thoughts on this one please share, all views would be greatly appreciated!

A little more about me.. I'm now living in the UK aged 22. I practice meditation, Astral Projection and Lucid Dreaming.

EX-2
A MIRACLE OR SOMETHING SCIENTIFIC:

6 months ago my Grandmother (81) fell and hit her head in the floor. She suffered a Subdural Hematoma. Her whole left side of the brain was covered by the bleed. It pushed her brain over and she was in a coma occasionally flickering into consciousness, with the risk of her brain coning.. She was given 2 days to live and put in a private side room of a Medical wing. Neurosurgeons wouldn't touch her and said there was nothing to be done, this was the end..

It was only a small side room. Myself, Mum, Brother, Sister and Cousin were all there from the moment she arrived in hospital. I sat looking at her, no emotions at all. Everyone else was sitting together around the bed crying, the room felt like it was getting bigger and bigger. I love my gran very much but her mentality/health has depleted vastly in recent years (Comes with age), so her not surviving this was something I knew no amount of tears or praying was going to stop. I'm not afraid of death, she believes in a god and is also not afraid. My job knowing this, was to be strong for my family and Gran, this room needed to be filled with positive energy (Not joyous but positive/peaceful vibes)! My concern was that her suffering would pass swiftly, though healing or death. (This is not intended to sound as harsh as it may come across)..

The Nurses on duty put us in this private room so we could all be there when she passed. As my siblings grew tired and went home for sleep I sat there with my Mum. Staring at this invincible woman, who had survived 3 Major ops over the last 2 years (Broken femur & hip joint 1 year ago / Kidney removal 18 months ago) I took her hand and held it tightly, now fighting a brief spell of tears.. I can't explain this now but I knew that that would lead to negativity. So I held them off and began thinking strong positive thoughts. I told her this wasn't the end. She was going to wake up and recover from this. Not for My own or familys will to keep her from passing on, but because I just knew it somehow. After around 10 minutes of focusing this positive energy to my hands and through my Gran, she mumble something. I looked at my mum who was already getting up to call a Nurse over. She then squeezed my hand and opened her eyes slightly, and said, 'Ohhh I have such a headache', smiled and chuckled to herself.. I just had the biggest smile on my face. It was also my birthday, so I received the greatest gift ever, life.

When the Nurses and Doctors arrived, you should have seen their faces! They couldn't believe it, neither could my family for that matter.. She was put in that room to die. But she didn't, she woke up..

*(Continued In Reply Below)*

reply to post by VexedSoul


After a week of explainable improvement she was chatting away, still getting rather confused and struggling to string together sentences.. Exactly one week had passed. Unfortunately, a second bleed occurred. Coma again. This time everything was Deja Vu.. The re-occurrence of sadness after the roller-coaster of a week we'd all had. The tears were back, the negative vibes were building again but this time acceptance had a stronger presence.. I refused to accept it, because I still didn't believe this was the end, I knew it wasn't, so again I stayed with her as much as possible filling the room with encouraging, positive energies.

Two days passed. She woke, with very limited speech. She kept trying to talk but couldn't and would just laugh to herself. After a week passed again, following another review from Neurologists they decided they could now operate. They stopped the bleed, cleared the blood from around her brain and it instantly moved back into position... She is now fully recovered, as if it never happened. I've never heard the word 'Miracle' so many times in my life...

Now, I am in no way saying I have healing powers or anything like that, but the absolute purity and strength of my knowing that she would be ok with a strong positive energy surrounding her, still has me thinking about the whole experience each day... Possibly some kind of future perception? I don't know.

This ties in with my third and final experience (For now) which I believe to be a form of future perception. Before I continue, I'd like to thank you for reading this far and hope that this thread is as meaningful for you all, as it has been for me..

EX-3
FUTURE PERCEPTION? LUCK? FATE?:

This experience happened just a month back.. I was in the process of moving house and I got in the car, drove up a side street to turn around and stopped at the junction leading to the main road. It was dark and I wont lie to you, I'd had a cheeky smoke with my new housemates, whilst dismantling a wardrobe and cleaning out my new room. As I sat at the junction, I could see the reflection of the lights of an approaching car nearing the corner. Having driven on this road many times I knew that I had the time to pull out before the car came around the bend.

As I sat there, I had the feeling something was wrong. I thought to myself that this car will crash, it was a very familiar moment, almost like I'd sat at this point in time before.. I couldn't bring myself to pull out of the junction. Looking to my right the approaching car swung into view, driving well over the speed limit and in the middle of the road. It swerved, slid sideways right in front of my car and smashed into someones garden. Knocking over a motorbike and then rolled into the middle of the road and stopped. People came running out of their houses, and I just sat there.. I couldn't believe what I had just seen, the fact I knew it would happen.. I sat there for 10 minutes trying to comprehend what I had just seen, how did I know!? If I'd driven out like I would usually do, he would have smashed straight into the drivers side of my car. Almost certainly killing me.

Even the thought of that night now I still find it hard to believe.. But again Who knows, maybe it was luck maybe it was heightened awareness, but any thoughts you have or suggestions/guidance are very welcome!

To finish off I'd just like to explain the very first line of this thread! With these experiences I've had (Plus many more which I haven't mentioned because I don't have the time to write a book right now haha) as I open my mind further and become more aware of the world before me I feel as though I don't belong here anymore.. I feel hatred and anger towards people and the way the world is. I don't like these emotions so I don't let them show, I don't want them. But as much as I try to keep my mind at peace, I can't ignore the fact I feel as though I don't belong here among the arrogance and greed of humanity! The lies, the money, the wars, the religions, the governments, the politics, the ignorance, the education systems, the rules, the fear, the division between us all... Someone gets attacked by a shark off the coast of Australia, lets kill the sharks in that area! Really? Who are we to play god!

Money doesn't exist, it never did. Everyone around me seems to have the same mindless dribble to say and I spend most conversations pretending I'm interested. Same stories different characters... I feel like people think I'm going crazy or smoking too much, but I know I'm not. I'm sure a lot of you will agree that something needs to happen, something needs to be done. You've probably heard the stories and seen threads on here of people who live out in the natural word, without this illusion we rely on. I read into every story/conspiracy that interests me.. I'm lost, I don't know what to believe! Did we go to the moon or not? Is there even a moon? Are we sharing the planet with aliens? Do they run the governments? 2012? 9/11? False flags? Are we from earth? I, pet goat II? Are we in a computer? What's really in that cupcake little old lady?...

I do know a lot of people out there are good, and share similar views as me, I'm just not surrounded by them yet.. rather, tech reliant drones living in tomorrows ideal!

I am at a point now where I don't know what I want from life. I feel as though I have a purpose here but I cannot figure it out and so, I have decided to leave my business, my home, my comforts.. In January I will be leaving on my travels across the world. Starting out in New Zealand and Australia as I have family and old friends out there. I believe the answers to all of my questions will be answered, and are waiting for me to discover them. If anyone can pass on any useful info/experiences that may be enlightening/helpful please share.. For now, that is all. Again thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read through this thread, I look forward to reading your thoughts and opinions.. Peace, love & all that jazz

reply to post by VexedSoul

Thanks for sharing those interesting stories. Maybe you are not really lost, after all it is just a feeling. Maybe you are right where you need to be right now?

...I have decided to leave my business, my home, my comforts.. In January I will be leaving on my travels across the world. Starting out in New Zealand and Australia as I have family and old friends out there. I believe the answers to all of my questions will be answered, and are waiting for me to discover them.

From all my travels, the first thing that comes to mind is something it took me awhile to figure out. "Everywhere you go, there you are."

A little walkabout may do you some good, but in the end the destination is not a place. Best wishes!

reply to post by VexedSoul


get rid f the smoke paragraph or this thread will disappear, there are a bunch of anti smokers on ats that love to report these kind of things, it makes them feel "needed".

I have always felt that dreams were more than just our brains firing off a bunch of neurons, there is something more to it, i came to that conclusion when the theory of time travel was explained to me in a dream, not by a person, but it was shown to me and in the dream the best i can describe is a 3d power point presentation, I have never experienced anything in such detail.

It seems like you've made a really positive decision to follow the important stuff, and travelling is a great way to take a step back and look at things differently, so it sounds to me like you're sorted.
Eckhart Tolle does some great lectures on Youtube dealing with finding our purpose etc., and I find the Seth books by Jane Roberts (also on Youtube) really helpful, (though other people's favourite books are often as interesting as their medical histories, I know).

I find as I open my mind to the possibility of something happening, its likelihood is vastly increased, and this has included a limited ability to share my thoughts with family members who are dead, and indications that the "conversation" was not entirely one way. I made telepathic contact with my mother when she was dying, and was able to smooth her path -- it's amazing what we can do when we need to.

If you keep a journal of your travels, it would encourage reflection, and let you see connections etc you might otherwise miss. If you really want to put the pressure on, make it a novel.

Bon voyage,

mistersmith.

reply to post by InTheFlesh1980


Thank you for your reply! I guess I never thought of things in that way.. 'Every where you go, there you are' I really like that but the thing I'm struggling with is this cage of a reality I feel I'm stuck in. We are all born into a cage and have the keys for the locks around our neck, we just have to choose to unlock the door.

Going on my walks, out away from what's supposed to be normal, I'm at peace.

Thanks again, VS

reply to post by DocHolidaze


I removed it thank you for the heads up! I only wanted to speak truthfully as I believe it to be relevant, but sadly if it means losing this thread then I guess it's not worth it.

Things the mind can do are truly remarkable.. It wasn't a dream you had after slipping off a toilet seat, whilst trying to put a clock up was it? lol Oj, I bet that was an incredible experience, I look forward to sleeping each night just to find out where my dreams will take me, or show me!

Thanks for your reply, VS

LOST
Living on spiritual time..

I am not really good at dreaming so I have no advice there and it seems that the guides want me to figure it out on my own normally.

If you cannot find anything that seems to fit for you then you might test reiki healing yourself and others with spiritual energy or trying to unlock you chakras thru meditation/singing/listening to sounds that trigger spiritual awakening.

You are not alone in your thoughts. I had myself had a very nasty disconnected from humanity day myself where I want a lot of people to literally go to a burning hell for five minutes to make a point and frankly get their # together. So it has not been a good day for being all-loving and nurturing for me.