I HATE you... you parasite...

Hi Folks,

THE nightmare of all nightmares happened to me last night...

We currently have sweltering conditions over here at the moment and the temperature was up to 35°c in the shade yesterday afternoon... urgghhhhhhhhh... same thing today...

Usually around 09:30 pm I turn off the air conditioning and open the windows but keep the shutters closed so the cooler evening air will circulate through the house leading to a good nights sleep.

Last night Mrs R opened them and them came back downstairs to snuggle up with me on the sofa to watch that pirate film that we have been wanting to watch for ages and for which i also profited whilst Mrs R gave my hot and sweaty feet a sensual massage!

Around 11pm we both went upstairs and went through the usual routine of brushing our teeth, having a shower, inspecting faces for wrinkles, squeezing spots etc etc when i noticed that not only were the windows open but SHOCK HORROR also the shutters....

Without any further ado i closed all the shutters, had a quick look around that no nasty beasties had flown or crawled in, jumped into bed, enlaced Mrs R with my strong muscular sinewy arms (ok ok... i exaggerated) and then slowly i fell asleep....



When suddenly out of the blue (or black as it was nightime) the most horrendous noise in the world came to my ear :



With a back-hander to my left ear which left me with ringing bells for a couple of seconds i jumped out of bed and turned all the lights on to see what was flying away from me at such high speed?

This :



And that when i went into my mozzie frenzy... :



"Hummppff grummpppff wassup" groaned Mrs R groggily as i shot across the room, stubbing my little toe off the bedside cabinet and half tripping over the bedroom rug almost knocking myself sensless on the shower screen..

"Nothing's the effing matter darling, there is an effing mosquito in the effing bedroom thats all! I riposted as i began to see the "red mist" commonly known as Mosquito kill syndrome well up before my eyes...



BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE :



Around the room i limped (not forgetting i had a stubbed toe)... bumping into the exercise bike that we bought 10 years ago and giving my funny bone a good smack at the same time...

MURDER WAS ON MY MIND...

I chased the dratted thing out of the bedroom and into the bathroom where i stubbed my other little toe on the side of the bath... "whoops how unfortunate" Mrs R giggled from the bedroom... only making the red mist turn to a rather deep crimson colour... "i think you should refrain from commenting right now dear" I responded as quietly as possible in order to not wake my son up in his adjacent bedroom (i don't know why though, as i could hear him quietly guffawing under his sheets at my pain and misfortune (i have no idea where he gets that from?)), not knowing which foot to clutch in agonizing pain as i hopped out of the bedroom and slowly down the stairs after the bloody thing.



I mumbled as i grabbed a dishcloth and ran around the kitchen and dining room after the little monster.

Whilst i was running around stark naked in my mozzie frenzy, jumping over the sofa whacking away like a nutter as the mosquito flitted to the left and right half knocking plants and ornamants over i did not hear or notice Mrs R quietly plodding down the stairs with the can of "Catch" clutched in her hand.

"Pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh "

I heard from behind me... "bloody hell" i exclaimed quietly "a whole tribe of them are atacking me now"!... only to turn around and see Mrs R holding the can with that pretty little smile that says everything for a woman to her man in times of great strife such as this!

DOOOOOORK!

I said nothing... i turned my head and witnessed the mosquito tumble in slow motion like a shot down Messerschmitt until it hit the floor (not even with a sickening thud which i would have loved!) to which i promptly brought up my injured left foot and squished him right into the floor... DEAD... NADA... NO MORE... hehe i was a happy man once again...

"Ewwwweeee don't do that it's disgusting" Mrs R had to jab at me...

"No comment and thank you for your help" i grumbled with a low voice as i sulkily (pride was hurt) but valiantly limped back upstairs and threw myself under the covers...

The rest of the night was spent with my head under the covers... leading to an extremely bad nights sleep bacause i was too hot and fearing for that dreaded whiny buzzing sound (Whilst Mrs R heartily snored away of course!!!) which meant that this morning i felt like this :



Ever since that dreaded day about 15 years ago when i was stuck in a lift alone with a mosquito which i chased around the lift until it landed on the mirror and i tried to kill it with one of my fingers leading to a double fracture of my index finger have i had this very deep and meaningful hate for these critters...

Well tonight stuff it, all the windows are staying closed!!!



I HATE YOU.... YOU PARASITE!

Kindest respects

Rodinus

LOL, interesting and funny read, Rodinus! There's nothing more chilling than hearing that high-pitched whine in the darkness of your bedroom. I have slapped myself on the face more than once trying to get at the creature.

Your not thinking this out properly.

1. Wait for other half to fall asleep.
2. Sneakily pull covers back to expose other half's body.
3. Place big sign pointing to exposed body.
4. Sleep peacefully.

To be honest though, that can of spray would frighten me more!

So I take it I should scratch your name off my roster here for potential invites to the Insect Appreciation Society? Shoot..and I'd been counting on a big donation from ya to support the plight of our poor little winged friends. They deserve to live too, ya know!

(hops off and hides in hole before OP can throw too much behind)

...just an honorable mention perhaps? (ducks back down quickly)

reply to post by Rodinus
Hehehe.....see what happens when you pick on me? Next time I'm sending the really big ones!

reply to post by Rodinus


I feel your pain brother. Sadly, you will also feel the pain repeatedly as you walk past almost any blunt object and your two damaged pinky toes will surely find the corners of these objects on every pass. And yes, each time that happens, you will think of that high pitched buzzing in your ear.

They come from hell. God allows them to be here to teach you humility. Satan just thinks it's funny.

Originally posted by Rodinus
We currently have sweltering conditions over here at the moment and the temperature was up to 35°c

Someone wanna' translate that temperature to a 'real' number for me???
Seriously .. when is the rest of the planet going to convert to Fahrenheit.
This is 2013 after all!!

(just had to ... )

Originally posted by FlyersFan

Originally posted by Rodinus
We currently have sweltering conditions over here at the moment and the temperature was up to 35°c

Someone wanna' translate that temperature to a 'real' number for me???
Seriously .. when is the rest of the planet going to convert to Fahrenheit.
This is 2013 after all!!

(just had to ...

)

Fahrenheit is ugly.
What could be simpler.
0 = shivering
100 = ouch!

Someone wanna' translate that temperature to a 'real' number for me??? Seriously .. when is the rest of the planet going to convert to Fahrenheit. This is 2013 after all!!

reply to post by FlyersFan



I was wondering the same thing...35c sounds downright frigid...

Those little buzzsters have been hanging around here this year too. I don't mind them when their stings don't burn, but lately they have all been burning. Sometimes those guys just stop and take a sip while other times they seem to torture us. The dragonfly population went down a little here this year, the tree frogs and toads seem to have declined also. I can actually mow my lawn this year since body parts aren't flying all over. The last two years I had to use the weed eater for my lawn, but there were very little bugs out except for bugs that eat other bugs.

Good story well worth the snf

reply to post by Rodinus


Damned good reading and... as much as I hate saying it, something I can wholly relate to in many aspects, lol.

Best of luck on your blood trail

Originally posted by FlyersFan

Originally posted by Rodinus
We currently have sweltering conditions over here at the moment and the temperature was up to 35°c

Someone wanna' translate that temperature to a 'real' number for me???
Seriously .. when is the rest of the planet going to convert to Fahrenheit.
This is 2013 after all!!

(just had to ...

)

I agree! While we're at it, when does the world get off this silly metric system and onto Standard? After all..Standard. It's right there in the word. It's the standard. Silly people in the world just have to cling to outdated and silly systems! Let the lowly mosquito here inspire great change and progress!

(digs hole a bit deeper while adding bomb resistant reinforcement to the ceilings)

Originally posted by VoidHawk
Your not thinking this out properly.

1. Wait for other half to fall asleep.
2. Sneakily pull covers back to expose other half's body.
3. Place big sign pointing to exposed body.
4. Sleep peacefully.

To be honest though, that can of spray would frighten me more!

Thank you Void... *grins evily* your extremely pertinent and sound advice will be carried out this evening...

*Runs out to garage to make big sign saying "this way for free food"... (one for Mrs R and one for Rodinus junior... that'll teach him to guffaw!

Bwahahahahaa



Kindest respects

Rodinus

Originally posted by Wrabbit2000
So I take it I should scratch your name off my roster here for potential invites to the Insect Appreciation Society? Shoot..and I'd been counting on a big donation from ya to support the plight of our poor little winged friends. They deserve to live too, ya know!

(hops off and hides in hole before OP can throw too much behind)

...just an honorable mention perhaps? (ducks back down quickly)

No... please do not scratch me of your Roster Wrabbit... i DO appreciate Mosquitos... WHEN THEY ARE SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE WALL THAT IS

I will happily donate you a box of 10 cans of "Catch"...

Hmmm, you have got my appetite going now... rabbit stew tonight me thinks

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by littled16


Don't worry Littled... Mrs R has a "special" rolling pin for those buggers!

Kindest respects

Rod

Originally posted by network dude
reply to post by Rodinus

 

I feel your pain brother. Sadly, you will also feel the pain repeatedly as you walk past almost any blunt object and your two damaged pinky toes will surely find the corners of these objects on every pass. And yes, each time that happens, you will think of that high pitched buzzing in your ear.

They come from hell. God allows them to be here to teach you humility. Satan just thinks it's funny.

I will get my own back on Satan when i go to hell and unleash 50 million, billion, trillion minature toy poodles with pink dyed fur on him

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Originally posted by FlyersFan

Originally posted by Rodinus
We currently have sweltering conditions over here at the moment and the temperature was up to 35°c

Someone wanna' translate that temperature to a 'real' number for me???
Seriously .. when is the rest of the planet going to convert to Fahrenheit.
This is 2013 after all!!

(just had to ...

)

95°F my dear, my fault forgetting that i live in Europe.

Kindest respects

Rodinus

(digs hole a bit deeper while adding bomb resistant reinforcement to the ceilings)

Did i tell you that we have a pet ferret Wrabbit?

hehe

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Originally posted by graceunderpressure
LOL, interesting and funny read, Rodinus! There's nothing more chilling than hearing that high-pitched whine in the darkness of your bedroom. I have slapped myself on the face more than once trying to get at the creature.

Its not funny at all is it?

To wake up in the morning with blood all over your face, 2 cauliflower ears and a black eye.. all because of that pesky little parasite.. plus the risk of catching Paludism and Chikungunya

Unless, of course you have said something to upset your other half and she has got her revenge whilst you were sleeping!

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by Rodinus


Thank you for that the raindance after stubbing you toe sadly never broke the hot weather (Not that I am complaining but it is too hot for me at the mo'), it is worse when you swat the thing then when you look again it has got back up for a second round.

Here is an interesting one, as well as the more exotic mosquito and the tiny midge that suck blood we have in Britain as you may well know one of the heavy weight's of the Vampire community ( not no the local solicitor though I am sure he fits in somewhere ) the horse fly or as it is more accurately called the north African mosquito, they reckon as one theory goes that these horrible dun coloured but thankfully thick flying insects goes that they came here with the Roman legions and have been here ever since though I think it more likely they were already here and came with a wind storm.

I spent 10 minutes chasing one around myself last night.