A chapter closing in my car history, a gearhead tear jerker.

About 2 years ago I had an awesome plan. I was traveling solo a lot for my job. I needed great fuel economy, but I hate frumpy cars. So I bought a shiny blue brand new Honda CR-Z. Cool looking, zippy, and 30+ mpg. It was a strict 2 seater, no back seat, loved it. Well... I have 4 kids. No problem, found a gorgeous black Z-71 offroad double cab. Seats 6 comfy as can be. 6.0 liter VortecMAX, 4 wheel drive, 340 HP awesomeness.

So I had it all. Both ends of the spectrum. Tiny, cute, zippy, economical. Then big brute power 6000 lbs of testosterone fed man-truck! I fell in love with these 2 rides. My wife was always borrowing the keys to one of the "Z"s.

You might have heard about all the bad weather in Oklahoma lately? Well I'm west of all that, but we still got baseball size hail. You can guess the rest. Both vehicles totaled. I was in tears. The Chevy looks like it went through a war zone. The little Honda looks like a serial car killer had its way with it.

After a few days of mourning. The wife says "look on the bright side. Now you can start all over. Instead of two cars get one REALLY nice one!" I hung my head and mumbled an "ok" I just knew nothing would ever fill the void left in my heart by Betty, and Brutus. (Yes, I name my cars)

I looked for days at big sedans, little SUVs, midsize SUVs... This ones too big, this ones too small, this one is gutless, that one swills gas.... On and on. I was bereft, it was hopeless. Nothing could fill the gap between the two with a compromise I could accept. Until... My awesome wife comes dragging home a BMW X5. I guess when she said real nice she meant it.

At first I thought "Old man car." I was sure it would be smooth and quiet, and plush. It is. I also expected it to be reserved, mild mannered, and sluggish. It is not. It's like James Bond. It has manners, but is capable of unleashing terrible violence when needed. It will out corner a lot if sports cars I have driven, and outrun a fair amount too. All while quietly, and comfortably seating 5 adults and 2 kids, or 2 adults and 5 kids.

So the end of the tale is bitter sweet, I am in love again. From the moment I fired it up stabbed the gas expecting dissappointement, and instead uttered a mild swear when the speedo snapped to 60 in just shy of 6 seconds! It's faster than an Audi TT roadster, and has enough ground clearance to do some mild to moderate jeep trails, but will still pull over a .8 G turn before drifting. It drifts nice too. Yeah only a red neck would drift a $70k truck, but you only live once right?

It's dark metallic grey. So subtle, and poised in appearance, but it hides an inner monster! I think I have been swayed to the German persuasion. Oh and it's built in South Carolina so no knocking it as a "For'un" car. American sweat built it. Charcoal leather and real wood interior, a panoramic sunroof. I mean the whole fricken top peels back. Oh dear... Here comes the vapors. I may swoon!

I just hope the Honda, and the Chevy are in a happier place in auto heaven. I need you guys to help me name it. My wife likes "Arnold" with an Austrian accent of course, but that's too obvious. Suggestions?

reply to post by Binder


I hate to point this out....but Tornado season still has weeks to go and the storms seem to favor Oklahoma for unusual violence this year. I hope you have a covered place to park that fine automobile. It does sound like quite a prize to have gotten out of the loss of the other two.

Now take care that it doesn't meet Mr. Hail as well.

* Okay ... After some thought and consideration, I have my suggestion. I'd simply call it The Phoenix for the beautiful thing to arise from the destruction and ruin of the storms that blew through. It seems fitting on both ends.

I am required by my heartbeat from America to F&S you. I empathized at once
over Brutus... we're talking a lineage from Zora-Arkus Duntov that spans three
generations. (They breathe better than now as stock, but that was then). Assume
I come from drag racing-- and therefore will assert personal license in my rhetoric
by virtue of regularly pulling crucial blood flow away from my frontal lobes.

First car, '56 BelAir.. ended up a true main street monster even with a small block.
It was like Orson Welles' movie career... even bone stock it was the best car I ever had,
and ending up at C/Gas phenomenal-- but hell to start in the winter without a bullwhip.
Everything since has gone downhill.... worst part that motor would AT CRUISE suck
Sunoco 260 like Curly Howard after a whole handful of nicely dried black jalapenos.
Couldn't afford to go to trade school and feed the Gorilla too. Broke my heart, sold it.

Instead of Arnode, how about Cathode? Don't listen to me I'm too negative.

I drive a 325ci and i am also in love. BMW's are really some of the best cars on the road...save for the new three series...not a huge fan.

reply to post by Wrabbit2000


Hi wrabbit! Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm in Texas, all the swirly stuff missing us for now. Just the big white balls of frozen stuff. My babies would have been in the garage but we were caught out in them. Luckily I was in the Honda, wifey in Brutus. I thought the windshield was coming out but it didn't. She said it sounded like a mob of thugs with baseball bats. Kinda looks like that too. So the Beemer has a safe home! Barring another out and about incident. We had 30 minutes warning and were an hour from home. No overpasses to hide under. no choice but to pull over and let Mother Nature take pop shots at them.

reply to post by derfreebie


Lol! Cathode, love it. Too obscure though most people don't fire enough brain cells to get the joke. I had a 67 Chevelle. 350 with camel hump .202 327 fuelly heads. Wicked car. Lost it after a divorce years ago. I still cry daily. My therapist says its just a car. He's wrong. It was one if the finest examples of heavy Chevy steel on the road.

reply to post by truttseeker


Totally agree, the new 3 series has gone from the "ultimate driving machine" to a compromised soccer mom car. The 4cyl. Turbo is punchy out of the hole, but then falls flat. The new electric over hydraulic steering loses all the feedback and road feel, but it turns real easy. It's been nerfed for ladies that are afraid to scratch a nail. I drove a 2010 335i, it was tight and right. The 2013 328i was lose and sloppy.

Not build quality per se. It was as it was supposed to be. I just don't like where they're going with it.

Definitely not the ultimate driving machine. I am interested in what they will do with the next generation of the 3 series though. If you notice, they change it up a lot every other design cycle. The e30 was awesome. Then the e36 came along and was a standalone version, then the e46 was really just an evolution of that. E90 was something really new with the n54/n55 engines. Now enter the f30 which is really just a new body on an e90, so Im excited to see what happens with the next generation 3 series. To note though, my friend got a loner 328i, completely base model, and even though it has lost a lot of the driver/road relationship, it's still plenty quick in sport mode with decent handling. I'm excited to see the new M3/M4 come out. BMW's twin turbo six cylinders always seem to impress.

reply to post by truttseeker


One can hope. I've always liked the 3 series, it's most people's 1st Beemer. Squishy and soft is not what it's supposed to be about. Corner carving machine is what it's about.

Another thing I've noticed. BMW does everything subtle. That's what I love about them. My wife first drove the x5, and commented that she thought it should have more get up and go. I said "what?!" Then she glanced at the speedo and went *gasp* she was jabbing the gas, but not watching the speedo. She was flying 95mph, and thought it was about 70. It just goes, it doesn't brag about it. It just makes a silent whoosh as it passes, and you try in vain to catch it.

The stereo is the same story. I catch myself cranking the tunes in it. A good song comes on... Bump it up a notch. Another good song... Another notch... And so on until you get out and realise your ears are ringing like you just left a led zeppelin concert. There is no visual display or queue to show you how loud you have it. Well... I guess bleeding ears are a visual, but it's a late warning. Lol.

Originally posted by Binder
reply to post by derfreebie

 

Lol! Cathode, love it. Too obscure though most people don't fire enough brain cells to get the joke. I had a 67 Chevelle. 350 with camel hump .202 327 fuelly heads. Wicked car. Lost it after a divorce years ago. I still cry daily. My therapist says its just a car. He's wrong. It was one if the finest examples of heavy Chevy steel on the road.

Ah, the last of the long tails.. I envy the memories. I'll have to stop after this post,
it's painful in a way. BTW NO therapist I've ever heard of had an engine that produced
more than 1.5 bhp per cube... nobody. Alas "uncouth torque curve" is ancient English.

Back to your replay, thanks for the kind word; and don't be ashamed of the comfort
level. We're getting on in years now, and displays of fiery asphalt by mature individuals
is becoming publicly scorned. Well, I say snip 'em if they can't fake a joke. Besides,
the Beemer is a super dependable and stable ride, fast like the spring breeze, and etc.

At my age, having to go out to the garage with a bullwhip, tape up the windows
(so the shards wouldn't puncture the tires) and start the HalfBreed gorilla ('55 glas dog
house) in the winter would get me at least a separated shoulder. More cowbell/benzine.
/Moroso goo.

My cousin Jerry got back from VietNam in late '63, and immediately rotated almost
all of his saved up combat pay on a 'brand new' loser maliblue colored Impala. Original
Fuelie, and in two weeks a huge Paxton squirrel cage blower spun with the longest
v-belt I've seen yet-- and I'm 61 now. When the belt stayed on, it was a freak of nature.

What some guys will do for comfort level and low 12's... two years later a '66 -bu with
a destroked NASCAR Rat. L71, aluminum heads- the real deal. He's gettin' there...

I on the other hand saw a steal, and began rearranging firewall/dashboard/hump for
a much bigger package in the '73 Pinto. I know, FoMoCo: but that platform with a
thinwall 351 and some extra goodies went as fast as the gasser did LMAO: On 93o.
Downside, it cornered like a shopping cart with a side of beef in front

ps This PREVIEW for The Halffast and the Furtive is rated PG whiz.Cheers.

I want an awesome wife...

I thought you were full of it on the 0-60 time and skid pad, but you weren't. I'm very impressed BMW can coax out just over a 6 second 0-60 in a vehicle that size. What package did you end up getting? I bet the interior and the color look awesome. My new car is dark gray metallic and I love the look. It's not super flashy, but it looks mean. She's my angry little street shark.

As far as names go perhaps Bertha, Brunhilda (my favorite), Beatrix (German and reminds of dominatrix) perhaps Helga? Brunhilda is awesome. Do Brunhilda.

Originally posted by Binder

I need you guys to help me name it. My wife likes "Arnold" with an Austrian accent of course, but that's too obvious. Suggestions?

Carl...or Karl, your choice But since it was built in North Carlolina I guess a Bubba wouldn't be out of the question either...or since your a fellow Okie...maybe just call it Gary. As in Gary England, after all it was the monster storms that gave it to you!

Ahh, I see your not a fellow Okie...but Gary still works.

reply to post by EdSurly


Hmm... Karl ain't bad. My grandad was an Okie, from Poteau. I only have to go east for about an hour, and I'm in OK so we got the backwash from Gary. I thought about Klaus, but that's taken by a buddy's car.

You guys stay safe. This weather season isn't over yet... Oh and please don't send it west.

reply to post by Domo1


It's dark met. grey also! I like it becasue it is subtle, and refined looking, but hides dirt well too. I got the 35i. It's like a turbo charged 30is. I even thought about a 35d which is the deisel variant. It actually has the best torque out of the whole line up, and gets 20ish mpg in town.

Brunhilda, and Atilla etc... are fun names, but I have lots of friends who drive Vdubs, and Audi's, Beemers etc... and they're kind of over used. I'm looking for unique, and less used on a car. My wife, and I are both nurses so we are even entertaining the name Ratchet!

Had the funniest thing happen to me today. I was not kidding when I said I'm a redneck with a Beemer. I was dressed in stone wash jeans, a Pink Floyd T-shirt, and a straw hat today. My X5 still has the paper dealer plates on it because the state plates have not been processed by the DMV yet. I was pulled over by a cop, and had to show all the paper work on the vehicle besause he thought I stole it!!!