So You Think You're A Good Person Huh?

We lie to ourselves on a daily basis. We tell ourselves that we are good people with good hearts, that we are selfless and possess tremendous character.

Now I can't speak for everyone, but in my case I've discovered that for the most part, I can no longer make these claims without a ton of practice.

I've learned through one simple test that everything I do in the name of good is done in vain. I do good things in order to manipulate people into perceiving me as a good person, not because I AM a good person. I do good things in order to be SEEN as a good person. My guess is that most of you are just like me and don't even realize it.

So here's how I discovered this flaw in my character. I highly recommend that anyone who wants to get to know themselves better try this...

Try doing just one act of kindness without anyone you regularly interact with seeing you, and without telling a soul. The bigger the gift, the better your results will be.

For instance... I saw a homeless kid and his mother begging for change. So I walked up to the kid and gave him 20 bucks. The look on his face and his appreciation was priceless and made my heart smile. I felt good about what I did.

I tried to keep it to myself because a long time ago someone taught me that true character is what you do when you think no one else is watching. I can tell you with all honesty that I went a whole 2 days before I just HAD to tell somebody what a wonderful thing I had done. And it was in that moment that I realized why I do the things I do.

So what I'm asking you to do is something along these lines, but don't come back here telling us what you did until after you fail. Good luck!

-Bone

reply to post by Bone75


this is one of the things the gospels are good for...

Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

3 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

4 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.


My question to you is... why do you care what others think of you?

Do you have to have others know what you've done for you to be a good person?

I like how you brought an experiment into this we can try for ourselves. The interactive part really helps understand what you are saying, which I already found out to be true for myself a while back.

The thing is, it is possible to BE a good person, but hard when the ego gets in the way.

I am already struggling with this. Maybe by repeating your experiment I can retrain myself.

Getting rid of the ego does help with happiness in my experience.

reply to post by Bone75


Now THAT's a catch-22 argument! To disagree with you, I have to bring up examples of good things I've done which I've told no one about in order to disprove your point. But doing so proves your point!

reply to post by Bone75


Stars to all of you! Well done topic OP!

I mentioned this months ago in regards to how the wealthy parade themselves around as great humanitarians and posed the question, "Why don't they donate their wealth anonymously?"??

True charity and kindness is indeed an act that needs not be acknowledged!

reply to post by Bone75


I'm not a 'good person'. I try to be a good person. I don't hurt people or animals and I help others when I can and if I choose to help.

I'm not obligated to help anybody and vice versa.

Part of being humble is recognizing your failings and accepting them, to many people lack the humility to see themselves as they really are.
S&F

reply to post by Akragon


I'm trying to approach this topic without it turning into a religious debate. Please don't give anyone a reason to do so.

Originally posted by tridentblue
reply to post by Bone75

 

Now THAT's a catch-22 argument! To disagree with you, I have to bring up examples of good things I've done which I've told no one about in order to disprove your point. But doing so proves your point!

Even if you do something nice for someone and don't tell anyone else, if your motivation was to feel good about yourself it is still a selfish act. The good news is...it is one of the better ways to be selfish. I personally, I have done many things for others with both intentions, to feel better about myself and to give them satisfaction. I will always feel good about doing for others as long as my motivation is not to manipulate a specific reply or any return of action on their part, the key is not being there when they register their reaction, this is the selfish part of the equation when giving, the expectation of a satisfactory response.

The ends sort of justify the means though so you are still not a bad person even though those flaws you perceive are still there.

reply to post by Bone75

Try doing just one act of kindness without anyone you regularly interact with seeing you, and without telling a soul. The bigger the gift, the better your results will be.

Ha! We even fail at that. If we did something really good without telling a soul, then it means that we did it because it makes US feel good. That's it. We do things to make us feel good, to feel better about ourselves. The trick would be to find something that has no benefit in it for us, and it doesn't make us ultimately feel anything. That, I believe, would be impossible.

Sometimes we do things just to get people of our backs, but again it's a selfish act.

reply to post by Bone75

Try doing just one act of kindness without anyone you regularly interact with seeing you, and without telling a soul. The bigger the gift, the better your results will be.

For instance... I saw a homeless kid and his mother begging for change. So I walked up to the kid and gave him 20 bucks. The look on his face and his appreciation was priceless and made my heart smile. I felt good about what I did.

Yep, well, you failed.

I'm alright though, I never claimed to be a good person. I'm the first to offer up the fact that I'm an A-Hole to people. Everyone knows this... Common knowledge. I get through life pretty well because of it.

Originally posted by Bone75
reply to post by Akragon

 

I'm trying to approach this topic without it turning into a religious debate. Please don't give anyone a reason to do so.

No need... I already posted the definitive passage...

And you didn't answer my questions

I do lots of things just to help people, I helped pushed cars of people who were stuck many times without them even knowing who I was. I have always thought a good deed means you do not need a reward.

I help people help themselves most times. I also help those who can't help themselves, if they really seem to need help. You aren't helping someone if you do everything for them, you help them to learn to help themselves if possible. Sometimes helping others does benefit both individuals, there is nothing wrong with that. Taking advantage of the situation and charging them outlandish fees is not doing something good, it is overcharging.

I consider my self a good person, I do not just think I am good. The thing to consider is there are a lot of people out there that want someone to help them even though they don't really need help. I know more than a few people like that. I will not do their work for them for free when they are doing something to make money while I do their work. That is when you get paid for your service, it is a job. If someone can afford to pay you to take care of their needs, it is just a job, you cannot consider that as doing something good for a person.

So there are many variables to this OP, doing favors for friends is not being good because many times they repay you some other way, that is actually bartering. None of these are evil, and if it makes you feel good to barter with a friend and they feel the same way, that is what friends do.

See it all the time.

Giving to charities?
When we see that terrible picture of a starving child do we donate to help the child? or is it to make ourselves feel better?
Think about it!

If we were doing it to help the child shouldn't we have done it BEFORE we saw the picture?

Originally posted by boncho
reply to post by Bone75

Try doing just one act of kindness without anyone you regularly interact with seeing you, and without telling a soul. The bigger the gift, the better your results will be.

For instance... I saw a homeless kid and his mother begging for change. So I walked up to the kid and gave him 20 bucks. The look on his face and his appreciation was priceless and made my heart smile. I felt good about what I did.

 

Yep, well, you failed.

Umm duh, but thanks for pointing out the not-so-obvious to everyone. I wouldn't want to confuse anyone.

No I am an average person. Good people are the ones that Jesus died for I believe the religious folk would say. ! Jesus would hate my guts, and probably does. I don't care. His dad hates me too! I'm glad I don't have to worry about it, since I can't go to Hell for the same reason as I can't go to Heaven. They don't exist! I do believe in being charitable. I give, when I can to the Girl Scouts (Awesome cookies, it's really not fair!), The Local Homeless Shelters, To kids trying to scrape money together for a field trip because they're Union Bloated schools can't afford anything but MORE EXPENSIVE TEACHERS!. Good is relative, as in all things, good can be just as bad for you as good for you. I give time also, to my next door neighbor, who has health challenges, and can't always make it to the store or the pharmacy. I have a hard time with all the 'Power & Glory' religious stuff, but I know for a fact, there is something called KARMA, and it do bite, and hard, and always on your ass when you least expect it! Am I a good person? no. Am I a bad person? No. It's scientific! I am exactly average. Hooray for easy math!

P.S. - Nice Skull Avatar !

reply to post by CarbonBase


If Jesus died for good people why did he have to die for sins?

Counter productive don't you think?

reply to post by metalholic


What a find counter-productive is religion. Especially religions that can come up with such helpful and compassionate things as the Inquisition or a Crusade or a Jihad. Next, your going to tell me that Jesus was a man. Uh-Huh?, yeah. But he didn't stay dead did he? If you ask me if he died for my sins, I can't tell you. I wasn't going to be born for another 1900 + years! How the hell would I know.