Contrasts [RSWC]

Post-Apocalyptic

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The year 2094

Nearly a hundred years have passed since the bombs fell, and now the differing factions of the world's ruins work side by side, betray one another, gamble, wage war, corrupt, and conquer. All of which are dependent on one major factor; the water. The Great Lake of the United American Republic, formerly known as the United States, is run by a select few wealthy freelancers. While the earth is populated by what few remaining bits of humanity remain since the great third war, surviving only by means of rag-rag societies and ideals, the elite hold them cozily in their steady hand, controlling the only source of purified water left in the region.



Abel Knight approaches a large home, appearing as a silhouette in the night, his long, stringy black hair and his sleek black trench coat swifting as the wind gusts by. His cerulean eyes rest on the house, expressing a lingering, profound seriousness, then he marches forward and thrusts his fist against the door.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

....

JARED; Who's there?

ABEL; (monotone) It's me.

Jared recognized his partner's voice. He hesitates, a moment passes by as Abel stands out on the porch. Then, he hears the lock being undone, and the door comes open. Jared, a wirey individual, stands in the door, giving his friend a questioning look.

JARED; You know what time it is?

ABEL; (nods)

JARED; (pauses) Well... come in I guess.

Jared steps aside, and Abel walks into the home. Jared closes the door.

JARED; Sorry... I haven't really cooked anything. Wasn't expecting you over.

ABEL; Don't worry.

Both of them march into Jared's sitting room. Jared plops onto his couch and sprawls out, and Abel sits easefully in the armchair across from it. A fire is crackling peacefully in Jared's fireplace, and a sudden downpour of rain is now creating a waterfall over the window. Lightning is visible outside after the first few moments of Abel's arrival.

Abel observes Jared, who is staring up at his ceiling, wearing an odd grin.

JARED; (soft tone) So... what's up with the late night visit, man? (still staring at ceiling)

ABEL; (hesitates) ... Just needed to talk.

JARED; What about? (glances at Abel)

Abel remains silent for a moment, watching his friend. He was a contrasting friend of his, an outgoing, power hungry, proud man of power... quite the opposite of Abel. Abel himself was a solemn, humble man... one made of many mistakes learnt from. Abel ponders on this, then speaks.

ABEL; The water.

JARED; (squints) What about it?

ABEL; (sighs, looks down) We can't keep...

Abel pauses, staring into Jared's green eyes, wondering how to word it. He knew his friend would take it badly, and understood he most likely wouldn't listen to reason, but he insisted on pushing the issue anyway. He had already decided that it needed to be done.

ABEL; We can't keep... exploiting it.

A moment of silence looms over them both. Jared's expression seems to darken.

JARED; (blank voice) What do you mean.

ABEL; I think you know what I mean. We just cut off water for the Regens... they're some of our best customers, and they're the best medical experts out there. Cutting them off like that was a pretty stupid move, and you didn't even consent to me when you did it.

JARED; They haven't been able to keep their end of the payments for almost two months. Nobody gets it for free.

ABEL; I understand that. But... to cut off water to the only doctors we have is reckless.

JARED; Giving away water without getting paid is reckless.

ABEL; We're getting paid in doctors.

Jared looks away, staring at the ceiling again, looking particularly sour. He runs a hand through his silvery-blonde hair. He was only in his early forties, though Abel had recently become aware of his aging, which seemed to accelerate when their power over the Great Lake had become fixed and final about five years ago.

ABEL; Everyone else isn't an enemy, Jared. This isn't the same as owning a thrift store... this is huge.

JARED; (continues staring at the ceiling angrily)

ABEL; (sighs again, looks away)

JARED; You don't understand anything. We aren't some damn pushovers and we're not gonna stand out on the streets and give water to people. It's not gonna happen.

ABEL; I never said--

JARED; You're a pushover now, Abel. Seriously... what the hell happened to you?

Abel stares at Jared intently.

ABEL; Nothing.

JARED; Then why the ## do you always have a problem with whatever I'm doing? God damn, man... Don't you understand anything?

Jared leans upward and glares at Abel hotly.

JARED; Don't you get anything, man? We have everything. We don't need to listen to people's sh!t anymore. We don't have to rely on anything. We have everything.

Abel continues to stare, his expression unreadable.

ABEL; You're gonna have to stop this.

JARED; Stop?

ABEL; I haven't said anything for a while, because I figured you'd see it on your own... but I guess I have to tell you. You're abusing your power.

Jared gives a high pitched, mocking laugh.

JARED; (offended) Oh! Oh AM I now? And you'd know, wouldn't you?

ABEL; (says nothing)

JARED; Exactly how many HUNDREDS of people have YOU screwed over?

ABEL; That was a long time ago.

JARED; It still happened!

ABEL; You sound like a child.

JARED; Jesus, you're getting stupid! Are you seriously lecturing me on right and wrong now? Really? YOU?

ABEL; (silent)

JARED; Let me tell you something, right now.

Jared leans forward, pointing at Abel in a direct way, looking serious.

JARED; I'm finally out of the sh!t hole. We both are. And I can't speak for you, but... I'm staying out of it. Do you know how much CRAP I had to do to get here?

ABEL; I know... I was there. We both did it.

JARED; Then how the hell are you gonna lecture me?

ABEL; I'm not lecturing you.

JARED; You are. You're sitting there, in my house, on my chair, telling me how damn wrong I am. Well, I don't wanna hear it.

ABEL; You need to.

JARED; Who are you? My father? Damn man, what side of WHO'S bed have YOU been waking up on lately?!

ABEL; (says nothing)

JARED; You're nobody to tell me that. Nobody. And y'know what?

Jared stands, rounding on Abel. Abel looks up at him.

JARED; (intense) YOU got no right ever correcting me on ANYTHING. (Jabs finger in Abel's face)

ABEL; (stares)

JARED; (returns the stare, looking infuriated)

After a moment, Jared raises and turns away, stepping towards his window, watching the storm outside.

JARED; (facing window) I don't get you, man. You and me have busted our asses getting where we are. People died because of us, man... JUST to get here. JUST to get what we have now. And you'd let it go to waste.

ABEL; I'm not letting anything go to waste.

JARED; How long have we known each other? Forty-something years?

ABEL; (thinks for a moment) Forty three years.

JARED; Exactly. We've been partners forever, man... seriously.

ABEL; (stares at Jared as he has his back tuned)

JARED; You're the only one who ever supported me, too... only because we were in the same boat. But still. Here we are. I'm not giving this up for nothing.

ABEL; We have to make a change.

JARED; No we don't.

Abel goes silent.

JARED; We've made it.

Jared watches the storm outside, hands behind his back. Abel stands silently, inching towards Jared.

ABEL; Jared... do you really want to be the same as the people who kicked us when we were down? Is that what you want to do to people?

JARED; (soft voice) I don't care.

ABEL; You have to care. All these years, you went on about how we shouldn't have to crawl around in the dirt for people...

JARED; The world didn't have any sympathy for me. So I'll be damned if I show any mercy for it.

ABEL; Then you're no better than they are.

JARED; Tough.

ABEL; There are children in the Regens. You'd really be okay with letting them go without water?

JARED; They're not my children. If their parents care enough about them, they'll find a way to pay up.

ABEL; (serious) We have to make a change.

JARED; (firmly) We're not making a change.

Silence

ABEL; So that's your answer then. You won't listen to reason.

JARED; Reason never listened to me. Why should I listen to it. SCREW this world.

Jared's attention is still on the storm outside. Abel slowly approaches him from behind.

ABEL; (silence)

The rain continues to patter against the window, and the fire crackles. Abel slips his hand into his coat, then reveals a black revolver. He aims the gun squarely at the back of Jared's head. Jared notices the reflection of the gun, and his eyes go wide with shock, but Abel pulls the trigger before he can move an inch.

BANG.

The body rag-dolls, collapsing onto the floor, leaving a great mess of blood splatter all over the once clean window. Abel stood silently, staring at the body of his friend, then turns and marches away, out the front door, and into the stormy night.

Interesting story dialogue and you made me believe that your future apocalyptic world will be a crazy dangerous time.

Well done, SnF.

Critique: Use colons instead of semi-colons to separate dialogues. A good twist would have been to use the characters Cain and Abel, instead of Jared and Abel. Other than that, chilling, and you managed to bring out the essence of your characters nicely.

Originally posted by Druid42
Well done, SnF.

Critique: Use colons instead of semi-colons to separate dialogues. A good twist would have been to use the characters Cain and Abel, instead of Jared and Abel. Other than that, chilling, and you managed to bring out the essence of your characters nicely.

Thank you both for the feedback.

Also, I didn't know you were supposed to use semi-colons until after it was too late to edit my post.

Opps.

I've never written a screenplay before, sorry!

I thought of the Cain and Abel thing, actually... but I thought that might be too corny.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I really enjoyed your story, could picture it as if it were a short film.