Opinions and advice needed please

Hey, I dont post a lot on here anymore and have never started a thread. Heres a bit of background and my issue;

I am a father of 3, my oldest is from a previous relationship and just turned 10. I have been through family court once, and for those of you who havent had the pleasure, family court in canada is pretty messed up, totally set up assuming that fathers dont want to be part of their kids lives. To sum it up it has been an uphill battle. Recently I recieved a phone call from my son's school (on the week he is supposed to be with his mother) to let me know that he was in the office talking to an offical about an incident involving his mother taking him on a drug deal(the transaction took place infront of him). Now there has always been a drug use issue at his mothers house and child welfare doesnt seem to care, regardless of how much smoke the 2 kids there are forced to breathe(both kids have had ongoing lung infections and have been on antibiotics regularly).
Both the school and myself have complaints into child protective services, who now claim they cant check the situation out because my sons mother refuses to answer her phone when they call, which seems a bit silly when a childs safety is at stake.. They have informed me that I can pull my child out of this situation, but to be prepaired to prove my case in court, I am totally prepaired to do this, mentally anyway, my first trip to family court left me broker than broke and even 5 years later Im digging myself out of the hole my lawyer stuck me in. My sons mother, being a welfare suc...umm... recipient gets legal aid coverage automaticly. And I only qualify if I can prove to the government that I dont make enough money to afford a lawyer.
So now she wants to have a meeting so she can tell me the same thing she told my son, "its no big deal" (only the explaination to my son included her telling him "dont talk about things like that at school, you could ruin someones life"

This is just a basic outline of my problem.. I have probably missed some details so feel free to ask me any questions if you think you have some sort of advice or input that may help.
Sorry for the rambling, Im pretty stressed about this whole deal, and have already pretty much decided my boy will be staying with me.

reply to post by awh666


Hey another person from NB.

I know how family court is in this province my friend, it's total crap. Child services should be doing a face to face follow up at the home when there are allegations of drug use and abuse/dealing in the home containing a child.

I suggest you call your local offices for Social Services, or the other town's and ask them for assistance. If your son is old enough, (12 I think) he can ask the judge to be placed in your care during the custody hearings.

THere's nothing the mother will be able to do, especially if you can prove a better income and living situation. Now if she is this terrible mother as you say, then your goal should be to bring that to light in court. They can't argue with facts.

Well, not all the time anyway.

You can have your child tested as well to see if he has any drugs in his system from second hand exposure. Something like that is a nail in the coffin come court time.

BUT, I strongly urge that you look into all of your options and not just take the advice of some stranger on the internet. My experiences are based on what is probably an entirely different situation and my advice may not apply.

~Tenth

I'm in the US and I can tell you the courts are no different here.

The only advice I can offer you is do whatever you can to achieve the best case scenario for your kids.

Good luck, as fathers the deck is stacked against us - even when the mothers are blatantly horrible people.

reply to post by tothetenthpower

Thanks for the speedy reply
I have been in contact with both my local social services as well as the st. j office. All they would tell me was there is an investigation ongoing, but wont check the household without first talking to the mother.. I was content waiting until he turned 12, but in light of recent events i dont really want to wait another 2 years. How much exposure to this kind of environment does it take to mess a kid up? i dont want to find out... The drug issues were brought up in my last court appearance and the judge pretty much said you both have a lot of growing up to do... I was also told that anything mentioned in my statement for that court appearance could not be used if/when we go back into court to review the agreement.

reply to post by TinkerHaus


I agree the game is totally rigged.. Im pretty fed up with it all

Talk to your member of the provincial legislature(MLA, MPP, whatever they are called in NB). If that doesn't get any movement talk to the media about the lack of action by that member of the legislature.

reply to post by intrepid


That is a great idea. Im going to have to look up who it is.. lol.. Im not too big on the NB political scene

Is there any possibility of talking with someone in law enforcement? I don't mean a call to the front desk and report off the street. Who knows what bad ways that could turn out. I mean do you know anyone in that area of life? I'd think someone you may know in more than passing would take an interest in seeing things happen behind the scenes to the extent they could.

I'm about the last person on Earth to tolerate snitching into other people's business on things with questionable victims in the first place ....but this isn't that, is it? The kids are victims beyond question and it's ongoing. I'd say if anything ever called for that form of intervention, that would hit the short list. ...but I'd only do that if I knew someone myself to approach and start it rolling with a personal stake to who is rolling it.

reply to post by Wrabbit2000


That would be a great idea, I dont know any officers around here personally anymore unfortunatly. I really am not opposed to that idea at all tho. Its definatly not snitching in this case, its totally a matter of the childrens safety. And really I am not one to point fingers, but my childs safety is my primary concern, I dont care if I get labeled as a "snitch".. I honestly figured that calling the cops would be protocol for the school in this type of situation.. I am glad that they called me, they know the situation and dont have a very high opinion of the mother(the beauty of living in a small town).. Any ideas what age a child has to be to give a statement to the police? because without my sons statement it would all be hearsay

reply to post by awh666


(about your reply to Wrabbit)
If your son witnesses the drug deal go down and is able to describe it, then it is not JUST hearsay - it is first person account EVIDENCE. I've got no info on how the law enforcement organizations work in Canada, but here in the US there's usually some "community outreach" or :public liason" type officer that you might seek out. Your typical street cop is not the right one to talk to - maybe a detective in "special victims" type of unit would be best.

ganjoa

reply to post by awh666

Could this be helpful?

Communications during marriage

(3) No husband is compellable to disclose any communication made to him by his wife during their marriage, and no wife is compellable to disclose any communication made to her by her husband during their marriage.
Marginal note:Offences against young persons

(4) The wife or husband of a person charged with an offence against any of sections 220, 221, 235, 236, 237, 239, 240, 266, 267, 268 or 269 of the Criminal Code where the complainant or victim is under the age of fourteen years is a competent and compellable witness for the prosecution without the consent of the person charged.
Marginal note:Saving

(5) Nothing in this section affects a case where the wife or husband of a person charged with an offence may at common law be called as a witness without the consent of that person.

Source: Canada Evidence Act

reply to post by ganjoa


Any idea if a child under the age of 12 be used as a witness tho? I know he is not allowed to speak in family court until he is 12. regardless of the situation.. He comes home tomorrow but I cant go in to the RCMP office until monday(small town cop shop).

Thanks to all for the input, getting lots of ideas on my next course of action... aside from just keeping him home when the time comes for him to go to his mothers

reply to post by Wrabbit2000


Yes, that seems like it fits perfectly... I will be taking a trip to the police station on monday i guess... Thanks a bunch!

reply to post by awh666

reply to post by tothetenthpower


So I got him, it was a s*** show tho. She refused to open her door so I stood there and knocked constantly for 10 minutes, after sending her bf to answer the door to threaten me and her calling the cops she finally let me take him... When I got home I recieved a pleasant phone call from a really nice officer who explained that she sounds pretty unstable and I should be keeping this all documented(which I have been since the begining). I informed him of my concerns about the whole drug issue and that my son will not be returning. He said specificly that it wouldnt be an issue from his point of view, the police can do nothing if i refuse to send him back. Which kinda made my day...

Just figured I would give all you nice people an update, thanks again for the advice and reading my venting.