My wretched past, I had to grow out of it.

Did it change me? I think I became a better person. Now that's good isn't it.

Such a struggle it has been. A struggle for what, I don't know. Just a bunch of a**holes as if you ask me. Sorry, but that is how they acted like. They were just having fun making things difficult for someone else, me, in that case.

Their purpose, just ruining one. Although I didn't was completely victimised, their intention made me feel bad. Waking up every day, thinking, is it the same thing again today?

It's just that I go over all things in the world like it is nothing I suppose. It's like, although I know there is hunger and such, it's not that I don't care. That's not it, but damned does it have to remain the same day by day. Some things couldn't just be real.. What came between people, I wonder, for things to work out that way?

I can say my anger was righteouss. BUT then, it was like something took me over, and wanted to aim this anger, this righteouss anger, it wanted to use me especially with this special anger, to misuse it. And it not just wanted it, it did everything it could possibly do to make it happen. That's at least how I felt.

Questioning why wasn't a thing to do, for this thing only wanted to manipulate, misuse and wretch and destroy all sanity. Psychologolically I wonder how I kept up with it, how I managed to continiue living 'normally' day by day. I was normal, but I was a victim. No.. way.. out there was for me. It looked endless. I did all I could possibly do to forget it, to make it leave me. This thing was so powerfull and so abusive and sabotaging.

You know, there comes a time where one doubts about the world, or just about something you've heard, or events in the world, and then you come to be a bit confused, or I don't know what, and then it takes you, when you are at the weakest point you can ever get, and then it starts to ruin EVERYTHING you are and have. Then those come who want to implant those freaky weird thoughts, this doubt, this destroying doubt about everything.

All people in your vicinity see you as sick and instead for that helping hand to come around, even from your closest people, you get dumped, mocked, just when you need love or whatever the most.

You just need to feel the cut into your heart.

The price one pays for innocence.

reply to post by Angle

i was born a good man and did good things and it only ##### me in the ####, if you try to be good evil surrounds you and shouts, one of us one of us at this point i consider all the people i know my enemy. it has been proven many times., there are no boundaries.
i think its normal to be a lone wolf, i still know people and hang around but i wouldnt lift a finger for anyone else,
not anymore.

reply to post by Angle


First i would like to say sorry it seems like you have been a victim! The world has changed and made people a little more angry and bitter. I love this quote and although small its a great one to live by: It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters -- Epictetus

Keep your head up and be the best you can be everyday.

Something twisted and sickening defeats the autonomy and well being of most people in this world.

I too, have yet to discover who or what causes it, but I have seen the writing on the wall as well.