The thread's already been cut, but I can't let go!

Hi there fellow ATSers! Hope you're all having a good evening, morning, afternoon, etc...



I really didn't think that this would be my first thread. Even now, I'm having second thoughts about typing this OP, but this situation is playing on my mind and it won't let me be, so bear with us a sec, yeah?


So I'm a 2012 graduate in London, living with the parents. The employment scene is hard here to say the least, like almost everywhere else at the moment, and a lot of young people have been left out in the cold not knowing which direction they want to take their lives in.


I had to quit my last job after New Years'; having keratoconus without contact lenses (now controlled, thankfully) prevented me from doing the specific tasks my role entailed. No one wants a employment gap on their CV, including the Department of Work and Pensions. As such, along with a number of other graduates, school-leavers and young offenders, I was carted off into the cut-throat but rewarding world of volunteering!


In the past two months I've gained a whole new skill set, made a slew of new friends, and even an interview that lead to trial shifts/an induction for a real job! It's also given me time to start working on my art again (animation grad) so it's been an awesome experience. Except for one thing...


I met a girl. (dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunn...)


Well, a woman. I mean, she's over eighteen, right? But yeah, I didn't expect it, and even now, it's annoying me.


On the day that she started, I was given orders that took me all around our tiny shop floor. To my immense consternation, she always happened to get to my next destination just before me (doing a separate task). I just remember getting kinda frustrated ("This girl just keeps messing with my stock count, like ffs dude..."), but then... but then, she turned around.


She has the... kindest face ever. That's really the only way I can explain it. She is pretty, but that's not it. Her face in general just looks very kind and inviting. It won me over right away.


All of the staff got to know each other pretty well. We talk a lot (more than we should have, definitely) and genuinely enjoy going into work for free (well, we are getting benefits, but at least we're trying!). Of course, when I knew she would be in, it made the day more "complete" and at ease, like everything was right with the world.


When we talked, we found that we had... not loads in common, but it seemed to gel (both listen to the same kinds of music; I play the piano, she always wanted to learn; we share the same political views; she dislikes most animals save cats, I love my cat, etc)


I'm not a funny guy, but I can tell a few jokes... mostly stupid ones. But even those had her genuinely laughing. I could take the absolute mick out myself and not feel as if she thought of me any less. She would do the exact same thing, and she'd sometimes pull these really funny faces that I've never seen women pull before. She was just so serene, man. Never said a bad word about anyone, and always gave credit where it was due.


Soon enough, it's like all I ever wanted to do in the shop was make her smile or laugh. I felt sparks there, and I'm pretty sure (as are a couple of my staff-mates) that she left some subtle hints too. But I was too chicken to even ask her to lunch.


Of course, I was warned. "Dude, we're here to get jobs, and she might leave tomorrow. Ask her now!" But my grandmother always said, "Those who don't hear will feel."


Boy, was she right.


She got a job last week and called in to tell my manager. While bringing down some heavy boxes from the stockroom upstairs, I saw my manager standing at the foot of them. The look on her face told me all I needed to know.


Knowing how distraught I was (well, ecstatic that she found work but otherwise whyyyyy ), she actually searched for my staff-mate on Facebook, but to no avail. She did tell me what kind of job she got, the type of company she was to work in and even the general area, but that's all the info that was left.


So... yeah. For a whole week, I've been ruminating about this. Leave it or chase her? Yes, I've become that crazy.


Let me make things clear. I only want to ask her out for lunch or a drink when we're both free at some point (as said before, I might have a new job or two lined up soon). That's all. If she were to say no, then whatever. At least I tried. But that's why it's bugging me - I never asked in the first place!


I'm not in love... not really sure what that is, and I'm only twenty-one so I might even be too young. But whatever I am feeling right now isn't showing any signs of leaving, so where to go from here?


I freaking love this site. There are so many passionate people here, and I honestly haven't met anyone that I truly dislike, so every single post, whether it be a piece of blunt advice or even a troll is duly welcome.


Many thanks in advance, people!

You should've asked her to lunch, whats the worst that will happen? She makes up an excuse and says no? You can't fear being rejected or failing. Thats how you learn is by failing you build upon the experience and correct the wrongs. You just need a little bit of self confidence, everyone is weird and strange so don't let that hold you back. Seems like you missed out due to this fear, you need to work on it, a whole world will open up before you man.

Dude, this is simple. You either find this girl and ask her out or you will be kicking yourself forever for not doing it. It's the only way. Plus, you will feel like a million bucks after she says yes.

He who hesitates, is lost.....

You had a crush on her, you didn't get her number, email address, or anything, and now she's gone.

Oh, to be young and full of passion and romance again!

The question is, how badly do you want to contact her? Here's what I would do.......Make up a bunch of fliers and post them on every lamp post in the area you know she is at. Use first names only.

For example: MARY! I miss you so. Please contact me. JOHN 555-5555.

You get my drift. Is it extreme? Yes. But if she had an interest in you at all, it'll melt her heart. Take it from a woman.

If she wasn't really interested in you, then all you did was waste some time and some paper and tape. Hopefully there are no litter laws you'll be breaking by doing this.

You can always advertise on line, in newspapers, etc. I've seen it before.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Best of luck to you.

reply to post by Komonazmuk


Indeed... many thanks, man! I guess this already has been a learning experience. I used to be really nervous around women (namely in handling rejection), seven years of boys' school and all that, though I thought that my uni years changed everything. Apparently not, lol. But yeah, this mistake ain't being made again!

reply to post by Merlin Lawndart


Maybe I should... it's what my friends keep telling me to do, and usually they'd have my rear end about this kind of thing. But yeah, a lot of why I'm feeling this way is because of the second-guessing. Thanks for the straight breakdown, ha.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


This is what scares me, FissionSurplus. I don't want to be "in love" with a girl I only knew for six weeks. To staple my number all around that area specifically is a real Ted Mosby gesture.

The problem is... I kinda wanna do it. But I can't be in love with her, that's crazy!

Maybe if I just find out the details of the company... it sounds like a shop. I'll walk in, actually enquire about the merch (she's a customer service assistant) and get the ball rolling from there while trying not to get her fired.

But something tells me that's just less extreme for me, and more extreme for her.

Thanks for the advice, though! You're right, and even if it wasn't a no, I'd get closure. Not the star outcome by a long shot, but it's a conclusion.

I agree with everything FissionSurplus had to say.

He who hesitates is lost...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained....

Okay, so go for it. Contact her and tell her you've decided to start giving beginner
piano lessons. and since you have no experience your first student will get free lessons
(until you get the hang of it.)

Then write her a song and.........

You could always use your newfound courage and start asking other women out.

I'm sure once you get into a couple of hot dates you'll forget about her.

However, maybe she was in love with you and really wanted you to step up and she's waiting in an airport ready to board a plane and she keeps checking over her shoulder hoping to see you running up to rescue her.

Lots of movies like that you know.

Sounds like you actually wanted more than just a date so I say follow your heart....don't let reality stop you!

reply to post by rival


It's funny, you know... Only after I asked her to be my first student did she mention her interest in learning. We talked about musical instruments before but it was kinda meh until that point. But that's just me reading into it, haha.

Write a song... never written a song for someone specific before. Maybe now's the time, thanks!

reply to post by Hopechest


Ha! Reality? Wouldn't be here if I wanted reality! loljk

But yeah, this is technically a win-win. At least a billion women could be the "one", and hopefully there'll be less trouble talking straight with them now.

Go get her! Its as simple as that. Follow your heart then at least you will know the score. Better to look a fool and fail than to never have known what could really of happened

reply to post by TheDoctor46


Yep, you're right my friend. In fact, it seems everyone is.


The jury's out then. I'mma do it. Not sure which method, but it has to be done if only to escape the "what ifs" that have been following me everywhere for the past week. Thanks everyone!

You mean the manager didn't have the contact information for the volunteers in the place??

Seems like if you ask around you can get a last name and enough information to locate her. However you need to do it, do it. You could end up kicking yourself for the rest of your life over this one if you don't. "What If's" are small wounds that never heal. I've got a couple of them in my life and some are over 50 years old and still make me wistful for 'What If'.

reply to post by ihavenoaccount


Chase her, but set a limit...for if you don't find her. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, if not, move on, no big deal. Good luck.

reply to post by signalfire


Yeah, she left a surname. After using part of my day off to search for her possible workplace with a handwritten letter in tow (fruitless, of course), a friend from the shop told me he found her last name on our roster. Typed it into Facebook and bam, there she was!

So I messaged her an hour ago. My conscience is clear and there's nothing more to regret now. Even the fact that I did it late.

reply to post by Gazrok


Absolutely. Now that I've "found" her, I can leave this behind. If she replies, cool! If it's a negative or no-show, cool! The future is sure to be... well, the future!

reply to post by ihavenoaccount


Good man. Good luck in your love quest

I know what it is...you are looking for someone like yourself. Since all you listed were the similarities...I once looked for someone like myself...I found someone with all the same interests errie really how much alike we were. She was a bit crazy and messed up from an ex. Perhaps I was too...but instead of feeding our hobbies and growing and learning from each other we just drove each other a bit crazy.

So similar is not all it is cracked up to be...imagine yourself in solitary confinement what else is there going to be learned and grown from? You're just going to start focusing on what isn't the same...she folds shirts differently or something equally stupid that doesn't matter...simply because the game of find the similarity has been played.

But hey...if you are interested why not give a little chase...she left you enough to see if you would right? If she wasn't interested no bread crumbs would have been left with you. So maybe it's her way of giving enough but not too much so you can decide if you like her enough to chase...make sense?

reply to post by ihavenoaccount

I just remember getting kinda frustrated ("This girl just keeps messing with my stock count, like ffs dude..."), but then... but then, she turned around.

Theres your sign.

What you don't do about that will forever haunt you.