Ever wonder when people STOP being WORTH IT?!

My GOD!

God bless you, ATS... for having a RANT section, and a site full of like-minded eye-opened individuals who generally understand where I'm coming from.

Okay. Have ANY of you ever had friends like this? Let me explain.

I have a very close friend with some pretty interesting bi-polar. He's awesome.

Granted, he's had his share of problems, and he's even gotten into a few physical confrontations with my other former friends over REALLY petty issues. BUT! That was before he quit his anti-depressant suicide pills.

Since he quit them, he's actually been a lot ore level headed, and hasn't gotten in a fight since.

I met him for the second time a year ago, but I actually knew him in the 8th grade, so technically, I've known him for about five years. He's one of my best friends, and one of the most important people in my life. He draws anime, like I do, he's had pretty bad anger issues in the past, like I have, and he's generally just an awesome person.... to me, anyway.

But, he also handles problems the way I do. Hides them from everyone else.

Actually, I use ATS to vent, while he uses facebook... but on a whole, be both hide our biggest problems from our inner circle. Until recently, that is. Recently, I began to trust people a little more, and I started to "let them in."

Now, let me tell you--I've always been concerned about our friendship. He has a pride complex, and ironically, so do I. We both look DOWN on situations, because we believe we're ABOVE everything. BUT! I almost NEVER do this anymore. Only in the past year or so have I realized how asshole-ish it was to claim such a disposition, and I dismissed it.

He hasn't.

Out of all our close friends, I'm the only one he's never fought with. We text each other and vent to each other about stupid stuff that ticks us off, or we talk about our drawings. Normal stuff, right?

I'd like to think we have a pretty stellar friendship.

Until recently.

He's talking less and less to everyone, being a straight up (insert vulgar remark here) to my fiance and my other best friend, and barely explaining his frustrations to me.

Then, out of nowhere, he unfriends me on facebook, along with his other closest friends.

When he told me about it through text, this is what he said;

(My other best friend's name here) said that some of my posts were "concerning." So... I deleted you, (My fiance's name, and my other friend's name). I didn't want to concern you, so I nipped the problem from the bud.

He's been known to write borderline suicidal stuff on facebook when he's in a bad mood, but he's ADMITTED that he only does it for attention when he's feeling upset. He is doing amazingly better than he was around a year ago. I do not believe he's suicidal.

But... he didn't want to concern us?

I entirely understand keeping one's mouth shut so people don't worry about you... but I TOLD him to always vent to me, and in return, I'll vent to him, and that way, we can get it out of our system, joke about it, and not blow up at anyone else due to bottling up our feelings. And we do it all the time.

God, if I could COUNT the amount of texts we've sent venting things that we would NEVER say to anyone else!



So, we have a dramatic texting conversation, me questioning why he thought unfriending me would make me "not worry" about him.

Finally, it ends with;

Me; "Point being, you shouldn't shut me out."

Him; "Ok. But I won't ALWAYS be running to you."

What?

God, am I wrong for just wanting to be there for a friend? Why do they have to be such.... AGGGHH.

He's the one who came to me, telling me he unfriended me, and why. He said many times "I did it for you, so I didn't concern you..."

I don't believe that for a second. After all the unthinkable things he's texted me... yeah right.

It was a plea for attention.

I'd like to think that I should be a close enough friend that I'm exempt from the baiting and attention seeking that ALL my friends seem to do.

I just GOT RID of a bunch of friends like that. I'm sick of being baited. I'm sick of being the damn dog that comes running when someone flings some meat around. BAITED.

AGHHH!

My friends are more important to me than anything! One of the FEW things that keeps me sane is the amazing feeling of wonder and happiness that comes with helping my friends through their problems. THAT'S why they bait me. Because they KNOW I'll respond to it.

And I can't ignore them, because it makes me feel guilty. Plus, I can't judge them for their faults... if everyone did that to me, I'd have no one.

But GOD!

When does it STOP being all about EVERYONE ELSE?!

It's just like when my former best friend physically attacked me, because I STOPPED her from committing suicide. I'm the bad guy, because I give a damn.

You know what? I don't care anymore. If they all really wanted to kill themselves, they'd've done it by now. Let em go for it. Forget it. I'm evil for stopping them, and I'm heartless for ignoring them. Always my fault.

I'm focused on fasting, getting in better shape, gun rallies, activism, Bilderberg meetings, and educating everyone around me as I learn more. I like to think I have SOME kind of profound purpose, and some goals. Yet, everyone around me can't seem to extend from outside of their petty thumb-sucking "Everyone hates me, life sucks, I should just kill myself..." crap. For the love of GOD! I want to DO something with my life! I don't have time for fake problems!!!

He wants me to pry, to try to break down the barriers he's setting up to "test my loyalty" or something.

Nope.

Not doing it anymore.

If they put up barriers, they can be ignored. I'm not gonna feed their fire.

WHY are people like this?! WHY?!

GOD!!!!!!!!!!

When does it STOP being all about EVERYONE ELSE?!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


To be blunt, when YOU stop allowing it to be about everyone else, it will stop being about everyone else

I have a sister who also has a caretaker personality. There's nothing wrong with it. It has it's perks and it's downfalls. And when the downfalls get to the point where you are miserable all the time, you may want to just let it go. It will be hard because you mean well, you want to help and they are not letting you in. But sometimes you have to protect yourself and your own emotions. Take care of you.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


You should never take the Lord's name in vain.

you said "I'm focused on fasting, getting in better shape",

Which makes me assume that your intention in fasting is to lose weight. That is a very bad place to go.
Google search "penance" and learn to live in the spirit rather than in the flesh, because by the sound of this post, your very soul laments your words.

reply to post by skepticconwatcher

I have a sister who also has a caretaker personality. There's nothing wrong with it. It has it's perks and it's downfalls. And when the downfalls get to the point where you are miserable all the time, you may want to just let it go. It will be hard because you mean well, you want to help and they are not letting you in. But sometimes you have to protect yourself and your own emotions. Take care of you.

I think you're right AND wrong.

I believe that all has to do with personal choice. How much am I willing to take on for my friends? A moderate amount... but I will not be tied down by this crap.

I'm not giving up on him. I've already kinda screwed up a couple other friendships... on accident, but still damaged beyond repair. BUUUUT... I'm not gonna allow myself to be baited either.

I suppose I'll just have to find some middle ground, between helping him, and feeding the attention fire.

SIGHHHHH....

Originally posted by backcase
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

You should never take the Lord's name in vain.

you said "I'm focused on fasting, getting in better shape",

Which makes me assume that your intention in fasting is to lose weight. That is a very bad place to go.
Google search "penance" and learn to live in the spirit rather than in the flesh, because by the sound of this post, your very soul laments your words.

I'm sorry for that. I'm angry.

I'm going through a "vulgarity cleansing phase." It's like trying to quit smoking. It's a lot harder than anyone thinks it is to stop using curse words.

I wish to have spiritual intentions, but I don't believe I'm currently "good enough" to.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


make thoughts out of love,
cut ties with hatred,
meditate in love to know what is truly out there.

read the thread from the link in my signature.

Originally posted by backcase
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

make thoughts out of love,
cut ties with hatred,
meditate in love to know what is truly out there.

read the thread from the link in my signature.

Getting rid of hatred means getting rid of anger, and I'm not ready for that.

I hope to be one day, but I can't. It's too much of a "part" of me. It's gotten me through everything.

I'm not denying your request, just saying... it's a work in progress.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


and what does anger do for you besides make you anguish? Where does it get you?

It is a pit, a pointless and hopeless pit, which will only make you dwell in you mind on matters which will never help you.

Hope is the beginning, climb your way out.

P.S.

never fast until you have a truly spiritual intent to do so. That is the mistake of mistakes.

Being angry is just as effective as headbutting a brick wall, It's pointless and unhealthy.

I see a few problems here.

First what is causeing the problem is it Bipolar or Jealousie?

Being a guy and reading this make me wonder a few things, since this is a close Male friend and it sounds like your getting married (fiancee) and you are loosing weight for the occation, could this be the trigger about the Male Friend of yours, did you ever think that he thought that he was going to marrie you. And all this attention seeking is a form of Jealousie?

2nd thing that is distrubing me is you said that he is not suicidal, has he started to give things away of personal value, you said he is shutting down, does he go out and do his normal activities, have you discussed this with some of his male friends? Someone saying they are not Suicidal but shows the signs (look them up) is not something you may want to deal with but a professional.

More concering is the fact you had a girlfriend trying to commit suicide but you stopped her, So this make me wonder what is going on it your neck of the woods that people are using or thinking of suicide as a way out of every days problems that all of us face. Have you ever concidered of just going out and finding a different crowd so they don't drag you down.

To answer your question about "Ever wonder when people stop being worth it" I guess my answer is when you had enough.

Example: My youngest sister whom is 41 years now, back about 25 years ago I had enough of her games. She was the type of person that would take and take, Since I traveled the world I always sent my family memebers Birthday cards, Christmas cards ect. One year I was at a location where i could not do this. When I returned home she kindly remineded me that I forgot to send her a Birthday card. So it was that year I decided to tell her that she needs to grow up....and that in order to recieve anything she needs to give as well, needless to say she never gave a thing even cards...but she would always take.

As of today I don't talk to her or see her, and Yes there is more to this story than the card thing. I could right a best selling book about my family.

But the moral of the story here is yes there is a time and place people are not worth it, as I have always said Advice is free and how you use it is all up to you but it you don't and x happens don't come back to me because I will just tell you "I Told you so"

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT THE ONES THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK>

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Took me years of confusion, betrayal, lost friendships, arrogant bosses, and my own personal faults to develop a theory on what it really means to be human. Here it is:

People suck! That includes me. That includes you. That includes my mother. That includes politicians, celebrities, police, psychiatrists, and everyone over the age of 8. Sooner or later, the ones you trust will betray you. The ones you look up to will fall off the pedestal you put them on. Smart people will reveal just how stupid they can be.

We humans are the perfect example of imperfection. We are consistently inconsistent. Our loyalty to one another will last only until a selfish need causes us to align ourselves with someone else.

The question is, how much BS can you tolerate from others? And, how much BS can others tolerate from you? Apparently, for one reason or another, your friend has had enough of you. If you really think about it, this is fine because nothing lasts forever, not even friendships. Time for you to find another friend.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


....and you will. You will find that middle ground.

Um... I never said he was giving anything away. I know very well the signs of suicide, and I'm very close to this person. I just talked to him a little while ago.

And now, looking back at this after a couple hours... geez, the title of my thread sounds horribly mean. I'm glad none of my friends can see my ATS stuff.

I think all people are worth the trouble, if you love them. I guess I was just ranting because I was hurt and frustrated. None of my loved ones will ever NOT be worth it, unless they turn away from me of their own accord.

I understand this comes with a lot of frustration, but its well worth it. Even through the anger.

And FYI, Don't refer to anger as such a horrible, negative thing, guys. It's like anything else. Too much of it is bad, but its needed to be healthy.

Anger is not unhealthy. Anger in excess is unhealthy. Like anything.

The anger that comes from me, 99% of the time, comes from this exact frustration. The trouble of how to deal with my loved ones. That doesn't seem like its unhealthy to me.

Being a guy and reading this make me wonder a few things, since this is a close Male friend and it sounds like your getting married (fiancee) and you are loosing weight for the occation, could this be the trigger about the Male Friend of yours, did you ever think that he thought that he was going to marrie you. And all this attention seeking is a form of Jealousie?

Eh... I'm not getting in shape for the wedding. In fact... we don't even have a wedding planned yet. I just wanted to get in better shape for no good reason. Also, I don't think my friend sees me that way. He and I are like brother and sister.

2nd thing that is distrubing me is you said that he is not suicidal, has he started to give things away of personal value, you said he is shutting down, does he go out and do his normal activities, have you discussed this with some of his male friends? Someone saying they are not Suicidal but shows the signs (look them up) is not something you may want to deal with but a professional.

I know the signs of suicide, I used to research them when I was in classes with mental disorders. Um... I didn't really say any of that about him. In fact, I stated that he's doing much better than he was in the past, not harming himself, not getting in fights, not having any suicidal thoughts whatsoever.

But the moral of the story here is yes there is a time and place people are not worth it, as I have always said Advice is free and how you use it is all up to you but it you don't and x happens don't come back to me because I will just tell you "I Told you so"

MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE WITH OR WITHOUT THE ONES THAT ARE HOLDING YOU BACK

Well... I've thought about this, a lot. But, you know something?

The only thing I really care about is other people. Nice gestures and the nature of caring, kindness, and good will to others, is the only thing that truly makes me feel that life is worth living. If I gave up on that, I would be a straight-up tyrant. The most evil person you could think of.

So... I suppose I believe the opposite of what you believe.

I think cutting myself off from my loved ones is the only thing that ever held me back. And I don't plan to do it anymore.

It's just common teenager stuff. As you get older, you'll discern better and things won't be as complicated for you.

Granted, some never leave the teenager phase and end up with reality shows or life-long government assistance, but most do grow out of it and get on with their lives.

Originally posted by kthxbai
It's just common teenager stuff. As you get older, you'll discern better and things won't be as complicated for you.

Granted, some never leave the teenager phase and end up with reality shows or life-long government assistance, but most do grow out of it and get on with their lives.

Thank GOD.

I sometimes feel a little bad about the way things go, between friends, family, fiance, etc, then I watch Jeremy Kyle, and it all melts away... watching ignorant people is a stellar sure for self doubt.

Because, when you see them brawling on Springer, you realize that you could always be much, much worse.

Okay. Have ANY of you ever had friends like this? Let me explain.

Yep. Unfortunately.

I have a friend who I've been pals with since well, a long time ago...
He got married years back, and of course, his wife became our friend too (my wife and I).

Our wives became good friends over time, but she (friend's wife) is (undiagnosed) bi-polar.
There was a time, when the friend was throwing a joint birthday party for my wife and another girlfriend... My wife couldn't make it, because at the time, her mother was in a coma, and the hospital was threatening to discharge her, (we were having trouble finding a facility, as she wasn't enough for hospice, but too much care for others)...so we were dealing with all of that.

That pretty much started a downward spiral of her (the friend) being ok to her in person, but bitchy behind her back. Which is weird, because we've always done a lot for each other over the years. Finally, her unjustified cruelty and pettiness just became too much to take. It's tricky, because the guy is one of my best friends. We've known their daughter since birth, etc. But, at some point, it's just too much drama to try and maintain a toxic friendship. We're still friends with the hubby, and we behave amiably to his wife, but any kind of prolonged event with the two of them in the same room is pretty much doom in the making.

Because, when you see them brawling on Springer, you realize that you could always be much, much worse.

That is of course, the secret to such shows' success. No matter how bad it is, someone's always got it worse than you...and that's comforting.