(HSSC2) The Revenge

(1692) Salem

The torches lit up the dark dark winter night. Sparks flew every which way. You could see the breath of everyone in the crowd. You could see the anger on their faces. "Get her," yelled one member of the crowd named Mr. Hillston. The crowd chased the yound lady down the street.

***(Present Day)

Melissa Hillston enjoyed her life as a bank teller. Her life usually followed the same routine. Wake up, have a cup of coffee, go to work, come home, read(usually about the early colonies in the Americas), eat dinner, read, then sleep. She praticular enjoyed literature of witch trials. One day she was lying on her couch when she decided to take a walk. She knew she had several nature trails in the woods behind her house and decided to checlk them out. It wasn't the most beautiful of days. The sky was covered in a dark gray and there was a little drissling the wind blew lightly giving a gentle rustle to leaves. As she rounded a corner in the trail she saw something she couldn't believe. There hovering was the figure of a human. Her face was darkend by a hood all you could see was the red eyes which struck instant fear into Melissa. She was wearing black robes with holes in them them waved in the cold breeze. The creatures hands were claw like and were almost all bone with only a little rotting flesh. There was a ring around the little flesh on her neck like she had been hung. In a voice seeming to come from the depths of hell the craeture roared "Revenge!" these words echoed throughout the woods. With a squeal the creature flew at Melissa, but at that moment she opened her eyes. She thankfully that it was just a dream. That was until she saw what was hovering over her. The creature uttered the same words, squealed, and flew at Melissa with its claws pointed at Melissas throat.

opinions anyone, anyone HELP!!!

HELP!!! I need some opinions on my work, atleast one, somebody.

This starts out well. I like it when stories start with a flashback to something in the past. Her dream is fine, but she shouldn't see an actual phantom as soon as she wakes up. I'm thinking that maybe she wakes up and remembers something she saw in the dream. Then ring on the phantom's finger could have some importance, and she does some research on it to find out who was the owner...maybe she finds it at a museum, and sees the phantom in a mirror there as well....we need a little bit of a pause before the problems come out of her dream world..

Just my opinion..carry on as you will.

Good i deas i would have mad it loneger but i wrrote another short story today so i wasn't really in the mood

Be calm Smokey. Re-read what you've wrote and add things to it as you go along.

Maybe the phantom telling Melissa about her great-great grandfather being responsible for it's death and that "she" never had children so "she's" going to make sure Melissa never marries and has children.

Something to that nature. All in all, you've got real potential to become a really good writer.

P.S. Only 2 more full days left, so dig deep and get that creativity to going!