Maybe someone can explain this for me.

Alright ladies and gents I have a scenario for you. A girl recently asked me to go on vacation with her and her friends/family in the summer. It was stated like hey you should come with us. Now before this I was never sure if she was interested and aside from that she was dating someone. He's out of the picture.

When she asked I said I'd think about it. Keep in mind I've never met her friends or family and it's not exactly cheap so I thought that was fair. When I said maybe she seemed really happy. Fast forward a week and I approached it leaving her a way out if she wasn't really serious about it. I said were you serious about the vacation. She replied oh you'll go. Then she went on for minute about how many were going etc. I figured I end it with a well did you want to get together before then?

She quickly mentioned something about the next week them getting together. I found that a little odd since it effectively cut me off and wasn't exactly what I meant but figured it'd be a good intro. and I'd move on from there. I could have even sworn she brought her friends around to check me out since we work in the same place. The next day she shut down for the most part. She was still nice but I could see she was distant. So I waited about two days to ask her the specifics about next week. She was not there for one day and I wasn't sure if I'd catch her again before it. As I said earlier she cut me off so I didn't even get a chance to exchange contact info.

When I asked her I got the run about. She wasn't sure because one her friends might not be able to make it.. Then she throws out well you can bring whoever you want with you the more the merrier.. The rest of the day she was nice but I could see she wasn't flirty or anything.

So I'm left scratching my head. At this point I have no idea what's going to happen or if I should bother asking about it again. If I'm not at least going with her/meet everyone who is going that'd be just plain awkward. I could go on my own vacation at that point.

I find out later she had a date later that week. The strange part was she already knew she was going out with this guy when I said I'd go. I left her the chance to back away from the offer so why didn't she? Is she hoping I just forget about it or say I wont go? I'm kind of at a loss at how to approach this from this point on. It kind of hurt because I did really like her. There's a part of me that still says she's interested but I just might be ignoring whats in plain sight. So what say you denizens of ATS? What is going on and what should I do?

From a womans perspective, I'd say she is being a typical woman! Lol

Don't put all your eggs in one basket and keep your options open.

Your just an option to her. The balls in your court with that fact out in the open.

reply to post by DetectiveT


I say you have two options:

1. just ask her straight up "Whats going on?" or something along those lines. I think people play too many games when it comes to their feelings/relationships (girls more than guys). The only way for you to have peace of mind is to just know once and for all what the heck is she thinking, and the only way you'll know is if she shares it with you or you read her mind with super powers. You have nothing to loose, but everything to gain. If you really like her than I think you must find out the truth of whats going on from her pov. If you never know or at least try to know it could eat you up for the rest of your life.

2. Just forget it, never think about her again. (or at least try) Do everything within your power to reduce contact with her and just treat her like a movie you wish you never seen. I'm not saying be rude.. Its just why give anyone your time if she is just going to play around with your emotions and time. Especially since you gave her an out and based off all the info you mentioned. If she's just going to play games cut her out of your life now, you'll be better off, the sooner than later.

My 2 cents:

After reading the two options I described above you know which one you want. Whichever option seemed more appealing to you, is the one you should go for. I hope I helped. good luck.

She is keeping her options open...It's part of the "game"

You are probably a handsome detective and she wants you to be around...That's why you should bring a hot girl with you to make things a little interesting.

Ask yourself what her true intentions are for inviting you...(because I can't seem to understand the relationship between you and this girl)

If you go alone...one advice. Have fun, but keep your distance from this girl. Don't ignore her, yet don't jump into her lap. good luck brotha.

I've heard of this kind of scenario on 2 other occasions. It turned out, both times, the person inviting someone on the vacation, failed to mention that the invite had been extended to a lot of people. Some vacation packages that are offered, get major price breaks if you can get X number of people to join in. It can get you 50% discounts on airfare, cruise ships, lodging...everything. Have you point blank asked her if it is a group rate travel plan....I bet it is.

It doesn't sound to me, like she has a *personal* interest in you...

Des

she's a player deep down...keeps guys hanging ....a tease

If the balls in my court I should just flat out corner her and ask her out..again? That's the thing. I was going to ask her to lunch that day. Then I find out she had the date that night and the cold shoulder she gave me made me back away. I was hoping to avoid the shot in the dark approach. I didn't want to create any oddness at work. I agree, don't play games ladies.

I've been friendly with her so I don't think she'd just invite me to fill up space without saying it. Ive known her for a few years. That's part of what is so confusing. This doesn't seem like her.

Thanks so far for the input.

reply to post by PurpleVortex


You get an extra special star for calling me handsome.

Women say a lot of things.
The secret is to pay attention to what they DO, not say.

Originally posted by DetectiveT
effectively cut me off
The next day she shut down for the most part.
she was distant.
she cut me off
I got the run about.
she wasn't flirty or anything.
I find out later she had a date later that week.

reply to post by DetectiveT

I think she has an issue with impulse control. She was probably in a manic state at the time she asked you to go on vacation with her. Decline the offer. She will be relieved.

I think you gals and guys are right and I should just check this one off in the loss column. I'm not giving up it's a strategic withdrawal! Thanks again to those who replied.

I wouldn't bother going. Save yourself the cash

Originally posted by DetectiveT

When I asked her I got the run about. She wasn't sure because one her friends might not be able to make it.. Then she throws out well you can bring whoever you want with you the more the merrier.. The rest of the day she was nice but I could see she wasn't flirty or anything.

There's the key right there. She wasn't asking you to go for herself. She wanted to hook you up with one of her friends.

sounds like she wants you around to help pay for the vacation?

From my 56 years of experience she's not interested in you personally.
Large group vacations have a totally different dynamic than one on one.

Ask who else is going. In an effort to determine the guy/girl ratio. But you cannot come straight out and ask that. Girls don't respond well to those direct kind of questions. Guys like direct questions.

If the ratio is about 50/50 and there is a large enough population go for it. You might find a better girl or another male friend. More friends means access to more girls.

Thanks again to everyone who replied. I figured all of you deserved to know the final outcome. I think everyone had a piece of the puzzle. I don't really like letting things go unanswered...go figure. I flat out asked her out. Of course she said no that she is seeing someone. I found out through the grapevine she met him somewhere mixed in all of this. She moves fast because it's barely a month since her last boyfriend of a few yrs. Now i think she might have had a passing interest but no real interest in me since she only went out with the guy once. As another poster stated it was a lack of impulse control. She asked and couldn't withdraw the question. At this point she didn't seem to care if I went so I doubt it was for the group discount unless they met the quota. Some of the other ladies think she's just with this guy because he is rich since he is also 20 yrs. her senior.

When it's all said and done I think I dodged a bullet with this one.