i need some input on this song i am tossing together

in this video its still a ruff draft but you kind of get where its going. i was wondering what thought or ideas you can give me on arranging it or even something to add.

Right off the bat, within 5 seconds into it you have to 'wild' it up and change it up fast, or you risk losing people's attention.

lyrics? or u working on that?

reply to post by InTheLight


good point i will see what i can do to make a good hook for the song with the intro

reply to post by BobSacamano


i really dont write lyrics but with any thing there is no better time to start learning something than right now, so i might try my hand at it.

Originally posted by NISMOALTI
reply to post by InTheLight

 

good point i will see what i can do to make a good hook for the song with the intro

Can you get a little wilder?

You might want to think about modulating to a different key at somepoint...staying there the whole time will get boring for most....Nice riff though!

Originally posted by neOrevolutionist
You might want to think about modulating to a different key at somepoint...staying there the whole time will get boring for most....Nice riff though!

Second that. Need to mix it up a little.

Originally posted by Mike.Ockizard

Originally posted by neOrevolutionist
You might want to think about modulating to a different key at somepoint...staying there the whole time will get boring for most....Nice riff though!

Second that. Need to mix it up a little.

Yes, to me a tune should tell a story.

thank you all for the comments, i will go back to work on it and see where i can go with all the input.

Yep ya need some lyrics to emphasize with the tune....putting lyrics in will break it up a bit so it wont be so repetative......
You might try overdubbing some rythm chords too

ooops

worn out left clicker

what i could tell great finger work and stringing man but i guess still needs work...

reply to post by BobSacamano


thank you, i have a new attempt on this song on my channel

so i took this song back to the table and this is the out come. still needs some work and i still need to practice it but it is coming along

You kept my attention much longer, very good. However, without lyrics, I can only think this tune would be useful in some dramatic movie scene. What do you think?

reply to post by InTheLight


yeah i agree. i have tried my hand at writing lyrics and can never get it to where i want it to be. when i get in to another band i know this song will be changed up to account for other band mates. till then i am going to keep expanding on this and see if i cant make a master peace out of it.