I need a miracle ATS.....

Today is christmas, and I have a theory, that collective thought can in fact effect change in our world. I have a real problem, I have been left by my girlfriend. And I have to admit that I have been a huge dick. I had major trust issues that I let take over the nature of the relationship, I have also in fact changed my life for this woman in a very real way. I left my apartment, I had some issues with my job, the scenario is the worst possible. And as that would not be enough, we are expecting a baby. The woman left me a few days before christmas. She had already two kids and I both loved them very much even though they were not mine. Her family still talks to me and most of them still like me. And so do the kids. I have asked her to give me a chance but she has been going bad out of the pregnancy. Even though I tried my hardest to understand she goes nuts on my ass. I left everything for her, and now I sleep on a couch at my moms place. I am about to run out of cash because I have no job anymore, and the mother of my future kid does not want to terminate the pregnancy and wants my ass out of her life.

Now I have of course realised my mistakes, and it is too late to change anything or so she says. Believe me I tried my hardest to make her understand .She does not want me back, she does not want to talk to me, she does not want me to be in her life anymore. She wants to keep the kid and does not want me to be anywhere near the one she is going to keep, even though I was very good to her own. I realize how a very bad influence I have been and how in normal circumstances someone would not keep the kid or the relationship going, but her hormones tko'd me. And in normal circumstances you would just say ok # it lets go our separate ways and of course don't keep the kid. But even as we had discussed me and her, she is going in a different way out of spite.

I ask the collective of ATS to be the miracle I really need. I ask those that believe in the spirit of the collectivity to send out a positive thought on this christmas day, not only for me but for those who are in way worse situations than I am. And even though I might not have any chance of fixing this, I would very much like it. I love her with all my heart, I am heartbroken because of the things I done to her (and no I did not beat her). I leave you to decide if you wish to help me or not. But if you do please send a positive thought my way, and make it also to all of those that are heartbroken at christmas. So that they can find the peace we all desperately need.

Merry christmas ATS and much love to all of you!

I'm not Doctor phill, but it's hard to assess the situation from your tellings alone, what I do no of pregnant woman is that they are highly sensitive every negative situation triggers them, and your feedback should always be verry humble to them...and I mean really humble almost slave like..If you can't give them trust and stability, you gonna loose them.. somehow you should go back with really good messages of how you gonna change both your lives to something really positive...Oh don't forget to hold her while saying that don't keep distance...

I will focus on what is meant to be, will be. I will never try to change the outcome of someone's personal will. I hope it works out for the best it is meant to be for all involved.

Positive thoughts to you friend. Sometimes things are beyond your control give it some time and her some space. she may come around. But tell here regardless you will be in your child's life she can't keep you out.

Originally posted by 0bserver1
I'm not Doctor phill, but it's hard to assess the situation from your tellings alone, what I do no of pregnant woman is that they are highly sensitive every negative situation triggers them, and your feedback should always be verry humble to them...and I mean really humble almost slave like..If you can't give them trust and stability, you gonna loose them.. somehow you should go back with really good messages of how you gonna change both your lives to something really positive...Oh don't forget to hold her while saying that don't keep distance...

Talk about a generalisation!!! every negative situation didnt trigger me when i was pregnant. OP, catch this good wish that im throwing to you.
I cant really speculate without knowing more of what happened, but thats none of my business. After 44 years on this planet, two husbands and two children, i have to say, what will be will be. Whats bad today may be for the best in the future. trust the big pink pixie in the sky.
take care and happy christmas.x

For the many whom are in similar remorseful position such as yours, you all have my positive thoughts, not just on Christmas day, but every day. You are are only my fellow humans and whom alone can claimed perfection, that knows not pain and suffering at some time?

I have not the power to heal any, nor live the life for anyone. It is only one's own life and free will to make choices, and sadly, make mistakes. We never know what was truly good till we lost it.

But you had shown remorse. May you, and many like us all, find peace and serenity, to progress and evolve after each setback, no matter how painful it seems to be.

Cheers and Merry Christmas.

Thank you for all your kind messages. And its true that in the big scheme of things maybe something good will come out of it.

reply to post by thedoctorswife


No maybe not all woman do,and I don't want to generalize the whole situation. But some woman's hormones can be pretty tough.well maybe you can give him better advise then I can ...

Let me get this right....

You would prefer she terminates the child?

The miracle is inside yourself. You won't find it here.

I can possibly see ŵhy she is upset.

I will send positive energy your way. As far as what you can do to fix things; my advice is to go on with your life. She is pregnant with your child, so trust me when I say that she will not forget about you. She will more than likely start thinking about the child and how it needs it's father (if she is a smart and decent human being that is). Do not put all of the blame on yourself, life is a learning lesson. If she cannot understand that people make mistakes, then maybe it is her that needs the teaching.

First off no offense to your g/f but if she was single with two children already, and she is doing this to you with your child, that says a lot about her character as a mother and lover. My wife and I have been through so much bullsh!t in the 10 years we have been together, but not once did we give up on our relationship. Take it from someone has 3 children, life can be rough.

Anyway, good luck with things, stay positive and good things will come. Read the Law of Attraction, it may help in these hard times.

Originally posted by KpxMarMoTT

I have been left by my girlfriend. And I have to admit that I have been a huge dick.

Now I have of course realised my mistakes, and it is too late to change anything or so she says.

She does not want me back, she does not want to talk to me, she does not want me to be in her life anymore.

I realize how a very bad influence I have been . . .

I don't think I would wish that she take you back. If you admit this much, imagine how much more the true story must be. I'm male, but it has been my experience that if one partner acts this way in a relationship, and suddenly 'changes' when the relationship ends, that that partner's true self will once again eventually (quickly) resurface once the other gives in.

. . . make it to all of those that are heartbroken at christmas. So that they can find the peace we all desperately need.

This request, though perhaps added as afterthought in your mission, may have merit.

This, of course, is initial impression and personal opinion based solely upon your telling.

reply to post by KpxMarMoTT


I don't know if you deserve it, but I'm hoping for you..

Be good man. Maybe it's just time to work on you.

In any case you should find something to do with your new found free time.

Good luck.

reply to post by KpxMarMoTT


I am not a "collective" thinker, but I can do something, and will. I will pray for you, and your girlfriend. You want a miracle; go to the One that can bring such a thing. Pray. God knows what you feel, what you need, how things went wrong. He can help, too, but won't if you don't ask Him.

Meanwhile, be glad she wants to keep alive the child that the two of you have created. Know that, regardless of whether she gets back together with you or not, you do have parental rights. That also means you have responsibilities, such as paying support. For now, be there for her, talk if you can, as a friend, and the father of the child, and don't place too much pressure on her regarding the relationship. Get your life together. Get a job, even if it isn't a great one. Find a way to support yourself, and show her you can be responsible. You need that for you, and you need that for the child as well. Write a list of the things that you know you did wrong in the relationship, and give it to her. Tell her you are sorry, whether she takes you back or not. Do that because it is the right thing to do. You can't make her accept, or forgive, but you can make the effort. Be patient, be kind, and be forgiving, as well, of anything she did wrong. Plus, pray. God listens.

I can't promise that things will work out, but I can promise that if you seek Him, you won't walk away with nothing. Look for His plan for your life, and leave the rest in His hands.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas, despite all the troubles. Remember what we celebrate on that day. You don't have to be alone.

I can wish you well and spare a thought for a thought for the broken hearted and lonely.

Even if I wanted to influence yours n her fate just a little (not that I think I can,can't seem to influence my own at times.lol),I'm not keen on wishing for her without hearing her side besides from what you've describe I doubt god,gandalf and the wizard of oz would change her mind,till she changes.

Some women,strong willed women,my gf being one,you tend to find once their minds made up that's that until and unless their decision changes.Before I'm accused of generalisation,that's women in my personal exp.

You push,the heels dig in.You try any change of tack that isn't honest and sincere,forget it.For just now put your life back together,get on with your own life.Maybe she sees you do that she'll start to consider things,maybe not.Either way,you need to sort your own life.

A skint guy on his ma's couch isn't part of the solution.It's no good saying you changed your life for her,it's how you deal with things as they stand right now that'll show who you are.

I would say though when you're with someone,a partner it's exactly that a partnership.At times everythings ok and it's great,sometimes you stumble she picks you up.Other times she needs support !!!

Like when she finds out she's pregnant.This is whatever the situation btwn you is it's her body,her decision ultimately.You are free to express you're opinion but as for you're right to I don't know that you have any as such,morally I'm speaking.

A termination isn't an easy decision,or procedure often so if she doesn't want to,that's that.

You've got a choice,support the course she's taken,even if you aren't together because now it's the baby that takes priority not your lovelife.

Or you can disagree about the abortion,as you seem to have done and you're suffering the consequences.

I'd hate to judge but you sound young,saying the pregnancies put her bad,hormones suggest you don't quite get it.

Right or wrong,she's decided to keep the baby.Once she'd made that decision her kids and the unborn are her priority that's it.She's not acting bad cos her hormones are wild,she's focusing on what matters.

Instead of support you question her decision,you didnt rise to the situation like a man should in her mind.She may well envisage doubt and questioning throughout the pregnancy from you.The easiest answer don't have you around.

I'm not having a go at you.She sounds like a strong willed,strong minded woman who knows what she thinks,whats she needs to get on with life however hard that may be.She sounds quite selfless too.

You'll need to be as genuinely strong willed,minded,determined,have your priorities str8 now to gain her trust and respect again.

And against what seems logical to do that you need to leave her be,rebuild your life,get a job your own place and let her get on with it,let her see your worth changing her mind over then leave her to come to you.

Sorry if I sound disheartening but the baby changes everything,thats what they do.You either stand up n if you can't maybe they're better off alone.

Fact is,it's the babys well being that matters.Either you're part of the solution or not !!

I wish you well, this holiday season. I hope things turn out well for you.

My suggestion is not to let her go quietly into the night. Rectify whatever wrong you have done to her, and do what it takes to make your family whole again. If you have crossed the "total ass" line, and she has had it with your behaviors, then change those behaviors and be there for her through out the pregnancy, go to the dr visits and so on. IF this is a hormone thing, your change will make her see differently. IF this is something you have done, at least this might convince her to let you be a part of your baby's life.