I'm in need of some advice from uk members

I wouldn't normally bring things up like this problem I have but I have no where to ask. I want to be able to do the right thing.
My son was in a relationship and had a child with her. She has mental issues after the child was born. My son coped with her violence and threats to kill the baby and also suicide threats. Now that he has left the relationship she has now got a warrant for his arrest, saying he hit her.
I want to convince him to go to the police station but he has issues with the police not believing him as he is 6 foot tall, has muscles and usually end up with them taking her side. She's a pretty little thing and puts on the act. I have been witness to her hitting him with a rolling pin, and was also there when we arrived, plus police, when she sent a text saying she was going to kill her son.
So where do we go from here. Any advice please
Every time the police has been involved with her behaviour towards my son and her child, nothing has come of it .

reply to post by sussy


Tell your son to just go in and tell the truth, I used to be a battered Husband and did nothing about it which I now regret.
The Police will understand because they do know that this type of stuff happens.
The longer he leaves it the more chance the Police will not believe him.
Have you still got the text? if so show it to the police.
Go with him for support too and tell them what you have seen.
Best wishes and I hope it turns out ok.

If the mental issues are documented on her medical history, and you still have the text about killing her baby you can contact your local authority's crisis team and have them come out and assess her right now, with the text weighing heavily against her mental stability.

When she's sectioned, your son should initiate legal proceedings to gain full custody of his child. Obviously, he will then need to attend various meetings and hearings in order to determine the proper level of contact the child should have with his mother.

As for your son not trusting the police, I'd advise walking into the station to give a statement along with several character witnesses (mutual friends) who will testify that his ex is indeed the abusive partner. Again, any documented evidence (texts/videos) will be useful in this case.

If the mother is indeed mentally unstable and in care of your son's child, making threats against herself or the child, your son has a moral responsibility to protect that child, even if it means making himself uncomfortable or endangering his freedom by talking to the police.

I sympathise with your situation and wish you all the best - good luck and I hope everything works out!

reply to post by boymonkey74

Thanks Boy monkey I'm going to persuade him when he gets home. He has gone off to stay at a mates. The text was read by the police when it happened a few months back. I did phone the police this morning for advice it all depends on her word against his. Also my son has admitted he had a mental breakdown last month and is on medication. So not sure how to help him there either.

reply to post by sussy


Heck I will talk later to you cos I have to get my bus to work now.
Hope everything goes ok.

reply to post by sussy


Contact your local police station and find out whether they have a Domestic Violence Unit, and if not, where the nearest one is, and make an appointment to see them. He will need to go along and complete an interview, this needs to come from him, no one else can do it for him, but these officers are specifically trained and I can assure you from my own experience that they are wonderful and know what they are doing. They have a pre-printed questionnaire which they will take your son through, it is highly personal, and it is very difficult, so while he may not want you present in the interview room, be close at hand for when he comes out, I am sure that he will appreciate your support.

The DMV will tell him this, but he needs to make a record of every text, conversation and incident, preferably in date order, and he should be prepared to provide his SIM card if necessary, should it go to court. And, they will also want his assurance that he is willing to press charges should arrest become necessary. They may recommend that he gets legal representation.

What you should also factor into all this, and very carefully consider is, that the Police are obligated to inform Social Services if they consider that the child's safety is at risk, which from what you say, may very well be the case. Is your son prepared and able to take custody of his child?

Though my circumstances were entirely different, what I cannot stress enough, is how professional these officers are, and they know, and have been trained to deal with all aspects of domestic violence and the issues that surround that. Trust them. Be honest. He has absolutely nothing to worry about, and no one is going to judge him for it. But it is hard, and he will need all and any support that is available to him.

Please feel free to contact me if I can be of any help or if you have any further questions.

Take care, and good luck to you and your son.

reply to post by sussy


Sounds like a right wrong-un this woman, been there done that didn't act tho. save the texts
build them up go to the police sussy and go with your son too for support.. and explain to them.

My best wishes too your son....

reply to post by Dispo


Thank you Dispo, I feel comforted with your advice. She has been under the doctor for post natal depression and the social services are aware of the texts etc. But after the incident, my son supported her with the social services. Was there to show support, help with the baby and finances. But last week came to ahead with her instability. He left, stayed away. then she went to his father and brothers and told the sob story. When my son arrived it all kicked off and now the police are looking for him. That's when she made her claims.
I've done some research this morning and will find out more about "no contact" orders and contact centers for the child. She has also told the boy isn't his, which is the usual threat, so maybe a DNA test should be done.

reply to post by KilgoreTrout

I've completely edited this post out grrrrrr.. I am going to show your post to my son when he gets home.

reply to post by sussy


Sounds like she plays on the fact that the government is on the womans side of things and she
knows it alot of women today exploit this to the max and play with childs lifes using them
as weapons like it's my child drivel and the predjudice adverts don't help with violence

seen only to come from a man ring this number blah blah..

this needs to stop as it'd sexist in my eyes and when a man feels trapped where does he
go for advice ? none but family and freinds etc..

If a mans getting hit the government aren't exactly encouraging the man in seeking
options of support and the likes...

reply to post by denver22


I'm finding your point to be so true. Thank you

reply to post by sussy


Going to the Police is terrifying, and if he is anything like me and puts on a brave front, doubly hard, BUT, this isn't about him, it is about his child. That is how I looked at it, and that is what got me through it. In my own experience, everyone was behaving like a child, and it was up to me, to 'adult-up' and take responsibility for my own, as well as my ex-partners actions. It sounds as though he has tried to do the right thing by his child's mother, and that is admirable, but now, he needs to put the child first, and do what is necessary to ensure the child's future physical and mental well-being. If he doesn't, the authorities will. If he can be the adult in all this, that is the best thing that he can do for everyone concerned, including himself, and the mother.

Very best wishes.

The mindset of alot of women not all but alot is you men are are slaves and disposable etc.
You will take it because you are a man..

Give me all your money too coz i wan'ts it after ive done your head in screwed behind your back
deal with it ohh and your not the father btw but you better give me child maintenance otherwise
ill get big gov onto you..

Of which most will use it to go out drinking with thier mates no doubt..
I hope he get's a result with them txt messages lady i really do sounds like a bunny
boiler to me..

Just an update, took son to police station, just got back. He has been bailed till next sat, done interview. Police were very supportive. The crown prosecution service will listen to the tape. He will either be set free, a caution or it will go to court Monday. She has been warned to stay away from him and the family. Any threats of suicide or harming the child then we are to phone the police to intervene. Many, many thanks for all your advice and kind support. ATS rocks yet again xxxxx

reply to post by sussy


Just got back from work
Glad to hear things are looking up love
Take care, chin up and think positive

reply to post by sussy


I'm glad it went well and that the police were supportive. Your grand-child's mother clearly needs help to resolve her mental health issues and hopefully will realise that soon, and then you can all get on with your lives. Your son is doing the right thing, and though it may still seem bleak right now, I can assure you it does get better.

Best of luck to you all.