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reply to post by ottobot


Well.. It seems I haven't seen you in awhile misses ottobot
Hope you well and yes I really agree that a robotic type tree would be pretty cool lookin'.

Hmmm...do you happen to reside in the south of the states ma'am?

reply to post by natalia


No, I live in the Pacific Northwest, native of California. But, I've always felt like I should've been born in the '30s or something - I'm just kind of odd in the way I talk and the phrases I use. Probably doesn't help that I've spent a lot of time reading John Steinbeck.

reply to post by ottobot


That's really cool to me ... That's not odd at all to me honestly. I think that's awesome
I bet you are a fun friend to hang around. For some reason I really like saying the word 'shall' rather than should.
And '30's is an interesting era..maybe you are from that time. Or were...

Oh and any avatars to share? Have you been here since the change?

reply to post by natalia


Haha. There is no doubt in my mind that I lived during that time. I even wrote a thread about "things I remember from past lives" awhile ago: www.abovetopsecret.com...

I don't know if I'm fun or not, but I sure do scare a lot of people away.

One of the reasons I've been gone is that I finally figured out what makes me so strange - I have autism, specifically Asperger's Syndrome. So, I've been wrasslin' with that and trying to come to terms with the idea that I'm not just a psychotic weirdo... there is actually a reason I think the way I do. It's strange learning to flip my whole identity from "token oddball" to "it's okay to be me". Causing me many a problem in my life.

reply to post by ottobot


I will check that thread out, that's very interesting.

I'm gonna be honest here, I'm at a loss for words. I just keep thinking of something to type back to you, and nothing is coming...except I'm always here to be a friend and be as positive as I can
And I do think it's important to be able to say 'it's ok to be me' ...
I wander if more people battle with that than we are aware of. Thanks for being so open with what you're going through.

reply to post by natalia


Don't worry about it, I don't know what to say either. This is just the nature of my existence. Except, now I actually understand myself a bit more. I'd already been working on "cracking the nut", so to speak, for a few years before I stumbled upon an Australian researcher by the name of Tania Marshall who specializes in females with Asperger's. Reading her blog (taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com...), wherein she outlines the differences in the female presentation of autism from the traditional 'male' characteristics, I really recognized that I'm not the only person in the world who is like me... and that is just a phenomenal feeling. And very confusing.

So, then I went to a neuropsychologist, who confirmed (just from the verbal interview and my intake paperwork) that I do have Asperger's - and that it's very noticeable.

I'm confused most of the time, so I've been writing a lot on my site (blog.janetanfei.com...) about how I am feeling and what I am thinking. It's really how I've been coming to terms with myself as I am. I'm nowhere near "OK" just yet, but I am learning. And, I feel like I am able to participate here again - not so scattered and lost feeling.

I'm not going to lie, I'm struggling every single day. But, I no longer hide myself as I learned to do in my childhood. And, that is very freeing. This is why I am fine with sharing my perspective. If I can share myself, maybe it will help other people who've had similar issues to share themselves.

reply to post by ottobot


You are a very noble lady. I checked out your other thread as well and very cool. And I will check out the links you just posted now
Stay strong and know that you have friends here on this site that are here for you anytime ya need to chat (me)

I feel everything happens to us for reasons unknown and we are given certain obstacles in each lifetime to overcome..

Have you been on the site since it has changed it's format in all??

(I actually have a healing rock sitting on my knee...and I can feel the vibration of it's power...no joke)

reply to post by natalia


Well thank you for your kind words, Natalia, I appreciate it very much.

Yes, what has caused me the most anguish is the question, "Why did I suffer for so long without any assistance? Why was my life like this, when it could have been made so much more bearable with this one piece of knowledge?" I feel like I've come to terms with the realization that my life has been the way it has been so that I could be able to understand other people much better and, thus, help them as the humans they are, as opposed to the problems they have.

It's a strange new world, but I am looking toward it with optimism.

I don't think it's odd at all that you feel energy from the rock. I feel energy from rocks all the time, and am at this moment sitting at a desk with many rocks strewn and stacked about. I hold rocks when I want to calm down - their infinite energy (cast at the beginning of time and traveling through the ages into that one ancient relic, that small piece of an ageless earth, you are holding) is nourishing and soothing.

reply to post by natalia


And, no, I haven't been on the site since the last time I posted on this thread... whenever that was. :-/

reply to post by ottobot


Well if I ever need to chat..which I just think I might like to with you sometime soon, cause I just read your entry from yesterday and I can relate to more than over half of how you feel...I feel this way as all a lot of times. So me and you have more in common than we thought


Peace and love to you my sweet friend. Me and you can walk hand in hand as friends.

I have felt rocks before...but never like this. This is my first time that I'm actually feeling a strong energy from it and it's just got me in full smile mode.

I've got a few crystal rocks that my mammy gave me..I should try holding one when I get anxious next time and see if that would help me

reply to post by natalia


Best part about it: people can call you crazy, etc. But if it works for you, it works for you. And that is what really matters.

I used to have asthma as a kid. There was a song on the Ace Frehley album that would help it. Everyone thought I was crazy for that....but if it helped it helped.

reply to post by natalia


Sure thing, I would love to chat any time. I don't really have many friends at all, due to the aforementioned oddity of my nature and the way I say strange things I get telepathically and which people don't want to hear.

Haha.

Yeah, it really depends. Crystals make me feel weird, like I'm full of holes. The rocks that ease my soul are those basic non-descript rocks that happen to be shaped into a recognizable form. I am always picking up rocks as I walk along... The two that calm me the most are a heart-shaped rock and a cube-like rock.

Here's the heart-shaped one I posted one time (still trying to figure out how to access my image bank): www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply to post by ottobot


In this image:



The rock definitely cool. The ring you are wearing, however, is very cool.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Haha, I do agree BFFT - that is the only piece of jewelry I've ever liked in my entire life. Wearing it now, as a matter of fact.

In setting about to create a new thread (it isn't finished yet) I was seeking out images to make the thread pretty. I found a few images I loved, and thought they would make nifty avatars.

Free for adoption. I've taken to using a personal touch to all my own avatars I use.





Enjoy.

CdT

Ok, getting used to this again - made a few backgrounds from images that caught my fancy:

reply to post by ottobot


Hey otto, good to see you spring up here again.

These are my collection of stones that have been found and passed on etc.;



The three smaller ones and the shell were given to me by the kids at various times, they have an energy all of their own and have been found in sometimes special places. The shell was our first visit to the beach when we moved interstate, found by my daughter. The two larger rocks are gifts from friends now passed on.

The lighter of the two on the left holds the most energy, I call it my 'writer's stone' as I always have it on me or near me whenever doing something creative. The darker of the two is a reflective stone, supposed to clear out all your anxiety and depression (I suffer from both), and calm and clear your thoughts.

Just thought I'd share my own version of 'crazy' with you.

As for Aspie's, I will send you a U2U a little later on, two very close friends both have kids with Asperger's, so I may be able to give you a few insights to it. Really it is nothing to be scared of. It doesn't make you a freak or a retard or anything like that, and certainly doesn't make you incapable of living a great life. I always saw autism as just a different way of viewing the world, as these kids very well do. You do show all the signs of the positive benefits of the condition, such as a great and high level of creativity, and an empathy with all things (such as your stone). I also listened to the song 'indigo' on your blog site, you have a truly amazing and beautiful voice.

Make sure though you cleanse your stone anytime you feel it's power starting to wane. I don't know how successful you'll be living in the Pacific NW coming into winter, but you should feel the stone's energy start to fade at some point. All you need to do to cleanse it is place in direct sunlight for a day, then do the same at night under a full moon. Unfortunately we tend to suck the energy out of things, and after a while the stone will lose it's healing effects. This is how they are recharged so to speak.

This morning everyone is feeling pretty overcharged, as we had this go through last night. I managed to get a snap of nature's best.

Hey Temp, thanks for the info about the stones. I've never thought about recharging them - they just seem to do so naturally as the seasons change. But, it makes a lot of sense to put them under light to speed up this process. I'd never even thought about it in depth, I just pick up rocks and hold them when I feel the need to. Good to know there are other people who feel these same energies...

As for Aspie's, I will send you a U2U a little later on, two very close friends both have kids with Asperger's, so I may be able to give you a few insights to it.

I'd definitely appreciate that! I don't really know where to start - I've been on my own for a long time anyway, but it's like a completely different world now that I actually understand what I am. As an adult, it's taking me time to adjust to this new mindset of - "It's okay to feel that. It's okay to show my true reaction. I don't have to pretend anymore." It's so foreign to me.

Really it is nothing to be scared of. It doesn't make you a freak or a retard or anything like that, and certainly doesn't make you incapable of living a great life. I always saw autism as just a different way of viewing the world, as these kids very well do.

Yes, my problem is actually the opposite - I'm trying to realize that I'm NOT the freak of nature I've always believed myself to be based on the way other people have treated me in my life. And, it's really hard for me not to think of myself as someone who will always be an outcast or always be alone or always feel like everyone hates me. It's difficult to come to terms with the idea that I'm not weird, just different.

I do see the world differently, but it has always caused me problems because when I try to share these things I know or see, people become afraid and then angry that I have caused them fear. It's really a vicious cycle, and I'm really struggling to get out of feeling beholden to those people I scare... Recognizing that I don't need to "chase" them or explain anything to them... It's very difficult for me to comprehend that it's OK for me to say and think these things, because it's normal for me and nobody else has the right to take that from me.

You do show all the signs of the positive benefits of the condition, such as a great and high level of creativity, and an empathy with all things (such as your stone). I also listened to the song 'indigo' on your blog site, you have a truly amazing and beautiful voice.

Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen to my music. It has taken me about a decade to get to the point where I can speak and write and sing genuinely and without fear. I have trouble expressing myself with speech, but have always been a great writer - have been working to transfer the language skills I have on paper to voice. Still working on it...

gonna have this put on a shirt. May do it up in pink for the wife.

Thinking this may become a tshirt, as well. My son likes the "come and take it" kind of stuff.



While these are avy's or anything....if anyone wants an avatar, just let me know.