Just some thoughts on life and other stuff..

I play Supaplex! Anyone here a fan? I had something like it, if not it, back in a DOS game in the ‘90s, and now have a version for Win 7. One favourite and a must to conquer was “Watch Out” , Level 106 out of 111 Levels. How I struggled for the exact path to travel and finally, the other day I won all my ribbons and climbed the stairs to Level 107.

Gone is the adventure of my life! Once conquered, what was left?

I met the man of my dreams in ‘61, conquered, had his baby and he left! Drank himself to suicide!

I raised her to adulthood, to send to University, but she chose to marry a Narcissist/psychopath, had 3 kids and lived to regret it, and it’s MY fault? Perhaps so, but no relationship left now. She is 48 and a lesbian without her 3 children but with her partner’s 3 children. I am not a part of anything, but couldn’t be anyway, because…

…in ‘69 I was in a single car crash when the driver was speeding at 120 mph and disabled me for life. I adjusted but would never do the high jump again! Yet…

..in ‘98 I met a great guy down each others’ alley, and moved 2000 miles away to find out that he too was a Narcissistic psychopath, so left him, then…

--was finally alone to see that that was how I ought to have lived my life. Alone! Do my own thing, just be responsible for myself, so, minding my own business…

…in my wheelchair, going to work, a car backed out its driveway and ran me down. Now I am really disabled, in pain, and a lawsuit is on the horizon, and after that in a couple of years a home for the Aged!

I hope I can take my computer with me so I can play Supaplex and the next best Level to conquer is Level 55.

Just ramblin’

reply to post by canadiansenior70


You said you were just rambling but is this your true life story?! If so, it is a very sad one littered with hope for a better future. How do you cope with what you've been going through when you're going through it? Do you, at times. fall into depression? Do you have to resort to some kind of substance to keep it all clear in your mind? I thought I had a hard life but I can't fathom what you must be going through!! I pray for you to feel better and get back on the road, so to say. Thanks for sharing this very intimate story.

reply to post by UFCG2012AFHS


Thank you for your post.

Mine is the kind of life whereby there was too much trauma, psychological and physical. I believe I began, at a very young age, to ’bury’ trauma, and that means the feelings that accompanied the physical too; that would be the beatings from my father’s razor strap. It’s a survival mode, I expect.

I always felt there was ‘hope around the corner’ and that for some people all they have is Hope. Meanwhile there is a big burial ground inside of me. For the last episode, when I saw that the car had a grip on me, I blanked out before I hit the ground. I have ‘no feelings’ about the accident, but do feel the pain and never met the driver. I came to in pain, then began shaking. I still have tremors, tics, and gnashing of teeth, a physical condition that ought to have been a psychological one, but my mind converted it. It took 3 years to learn of that condition.

It’s a little late in the day and I am a little long in the tooth to know if Hope is on my agenda, but I play my games and read about conspiracies and still have my sense of humour. The latter counts for a lot.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


After reading your OP I sat here dumbfounded, speechless, and then I got angry! Angry because no one deserves a life that cruel. NO ONE!

I want to hold you like a baby in my arms and pour my love into you. I want to arm myself with weapons and stand guard at your door so that no one and nothing can ever hurt you again.

And then I want to break down and cry because I know there's not a G-D thing I can do that could make you say, "Now this makes it all worth it."

reply to post by jiggerj


What a lovely heartfelt response!

The sad thing is that I cannot write something as you did, as all my feelings, the words, are hidden away so it doesn't feel right to me (I used the word 'feel', just as I use the word 'walk', or 'do you see?' to the blind person) to try to come up with something I cannot 'feel' but it isn't the same as being non-empathetic.

I have a Rehabilitation Assistant, who I want for my lifetime, as she has experienced the pain, the casts, braces, crutches, the Narcissism in her family and in her husband's family. She is my one treasure, my POA, Medical and Financial, my Executor, and has all the wisdom I would have liked to have had when I was 43.

She was just here and I said that she deserved an Award, that I saw one on the Internet yesterday that was made for her, "The Golden Turd Award", and we howled! She is everythng to me that a daughter ought to be and will reap her rewards on Earth.

I, too, cannot believe the life I have had and don't know why, but I can be an example, good or bad, and I choose to be a good example. You wouldn't believe , though, how few chances I have, and how few deserving people I meet.

Thank you! Thank you! and I am so pleased to hear from you, as I have enjoyed every movie in which I have seen you,Walter.