I think I screwed everything up.

reply to post by FoxStriker


I don't believe that. I have been friends with guys since high school and there is never anything there.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by FoxStriker

 

I don't believe that. I have been friends with guys since high school and there is never anything there.

lol... another bestower of friendzones. j/k

You are entitled to your opinion, but I believe there are always feelings within people, I've known people who have been friends for 15 years, man and woman, and then one confession to another. It shocked my female friend so much they no longer speak... so do I believe feelings form between people, whether they are big or small? yep I do. absolutely... so you can never be to sure... (also based on the fact that I know more people that are friendzoned to woman and men who have friendzoned them)

Your mistake was attempting to date a woman. Women are generally horrible people and not worth the time.

Does she still talk to you? Just be friends. The fact that she ignored yohr compliments is a sign of being a horrible person. I have a female friend like that. Were good friends though.

reply to post by Druid42



Im not being a jerk here.. promise.. but that really doesnt sound like romance to an adult woman. Sounds sort of pathetic and childish. Id personally wonder about a guy if he did that...

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I have know idea what I'm doing or what I'm going to do. I'll figure it out though.

reply to post by phroziac


Ha ha. I know she's a horrible person, so am I.
That's why we are such good friends.

Originally posted by watchitburn
reply to post by phroziac

 

Ha ha. I know she's a horrible person, so am I.
That's why we are such good friends.

Im glad you werent too offended. I dont think you made a mistake at all....but women suck, and thats thr only reason this happened. I know them like the back of my hand though. Thats why im single

reply to post by phroziac


Don't worry about it.

I am unoffendable.

Well...unless you put ketchup on steak, then it's on.

Originally posted by phroziac
Your mistake was attempting to date a woman. Women are generally horrible people and not worth the time.

Wow this screams of bitterness! Don't hate on all women because some chick did you wrong. If I blamed all men for the way I've been treated by guys I'd be the biggest woman hater on the planet. I've had some doosies! I don't blame all men for how a few acted, that is just ridiculous. Much like how people blame entire countries our races for something a few do. Stereo typing isn't attractive.

Seriously though you will find a woman that fits you perfectly. If it didn't work out it wasn't meant to be. I always hated that saying but it is true you just don't see it til later on.

Does she still talk to you? Just be friends. The fact that she ignored yohr compliments is a sign of being a horrible person. I have a female friend like that. Were good friends though.
Ignoring comments is in no way a sign that someone is a horrible person, again your bitterness shows. Not everyone is good with openly discussing feelings or emotions ESP when someone unexpectedly tells you how they feel. I have had it happen and it was awkward and I didn't respond right away but it didn't mean that what the person said didn't mean anything to me. The person who caught me off guard is still a friend and happily married now.

Something thats not been mentioned yet.....is she gay?

I'm not joking there, your story is pretty much exactly what i went through, i was trying to ask a girl out for years, we were great friends, then years later i found out she'd known she was gay since high school!

Could have told me earlier.

CX.

reply to post by CX


No.

She is not a lesbian, I know this because a few girls I have gone out with ended up being lesbians later on. I accept no responsibility for that either.

But the few guys she has been with were douche bags that treated her like crap.

reply to post by watchitburn


I think both of you kind of need to get off your high horses and admit that you're not so cold and unfeeling that you can't take it to the next level. If she doesn't want to, she at least needs to be woman enough to tell you. Sounds to me like you've done your part by putting yourself on the line like that She needs to quit being coy about it by insinuating that she has issues that only a knight in shining amour can solve.

In fact, tell her that if she wants to remain friends, well, that's what friends do. They're honest with each other. So be honest with her. Tell her that you've known her long enough to be able see the child in the woman who's tired of running. She's been running from being a real woman so long that she wouldn't know how to act as one on a personal level, so she keeps running.

Sit outside under the moon, share some wine and check this:

www.youtube.com...

Or whatever else you both appreciate. Something that's both romantic and real at the same time. A good segue-way between what you liken yourself to be, and what you really are. We all have illusions about ourselves sometimes.

Tell her that if it makes her uncomfortable at first.....good. That's natural. You can't appreciate comfort if you're inexperienced. Not to say she's a virgin or anything, but it's obvious she's never had a real man before.

15 years is a long time to know the same woman my friend. Consider yourself fortunate in that regard. Whether either of you realize it or not, you're on the same page in many ways. You almost have to be to maintain a friendship that long. The trick is knowing or feeling that you can stay on that page if you take it to the next level. If you can, I don't see a problem here, and what you did didn't screw things up. Far from it. It gave you both yet something else to talk about if anything.

What other people said here is true. Women like perseverance. It shows them that the man is in it for the long haul. Just don't "persevere" in a way that crosses the line into being weird or "stalkish". After 15 years you should know where that line is.

Originally posted by VoidHawk
Next time your're with her start looking at other women, if it don't work then forget it.

I wouldn't say forget it, but that is good advice. You'll definitely know where she's at. If anything, ask her if she wants to be "friends with benefits". It's a higher level of course, but it's a good natural way of easing into the heavier stuff, and it shouldn't be awkward to word it that way. Especially if she's shy about that sort of thing, which she obviously is.

That's about all I can tell you man. You know her better then I do. If anything I said makes sense, just put your own little twist on it to make it work. You may not make it to the level YOU want, but at least you'll take the friendship to another level, thereby maintaining it. Either way, you both win.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


I hadn't thought of it that way before, you may be right.

I agree the best thing would be to just down and talk about it like reasonable human beings. With no alcohol involved.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Been hurt too many times and waiting for a decent one. Havent met a woman on earth thats remotely interesting for other than sexual purposes. Everytime i go to a bar i see these drunk dudes and bar hos and the female friends. # all that. Women have turned it into a scam. And even if i just say hi on the beach, on the street, etc they act like youre trying to audition to be their boyfriend. F that. And sure, i meet a few i can talk to....doesnt neccessRily mean they are interesting.

Personally I would end the "chase".

Women should approach the men. Men should be the ones to decide if the feelings are real and genuine.

The best mate is your best friend first and wife/husband second.

I have been married for over 10 years. My wife and I have 2 children. I love her and she loves me. Its not a movie type love story.. its Real life love.

I understand that "security" is paramount to her. Not love .. but emotional understanding.

If Love is what you want..then its not going to work out for ya.

If its companionship that you seek .. Its a give and take relationship. She takes and you give. She gives and you take.

Its a life long work in progress until both of you understand that Unconditional love and understanding is the only way its going to work. Know that she is going to bring you UP/down with manipulation or other causes .. and your going to bring her down/UP with your demands and expectations.

Expect nothing from another human.. you cant have disappointment without expectation.

Live your life as You want to live it.

Again I suggest that you stop the "chase" .. dont ever chase a woman. When women plays hard to get .. its that same woman that plays even Harder when you get her. You will get burned.

Thats not a game that you want in your life.

JG.

reply to post by phroziac


Possible you should stop going to "bars" ? ..

The only reason to go to bars is to get drunk ( 3 bucks a drink or more depending on your flavor ) or get laid.

Or just to be with friends which might be your case.

Or both..

JG.

Originally posted by jaduguru
reply to post by phroziac

 

Possible you should stop going to "bars" ? ..

The only reason to go to bars is to get drunk ( 3 bucks a drink or more depending on your flavor ) or get laid.

Or just to be with friends which might be your case.

Or both..

JG.

edit on 4-11-2012 by jaduguru because: add to post

i Dont go to bars to neet women. I see everywhere as an oppurtunity to meet women. And friends. I go to the bar to eat, chill, and get drunk. However, i see the men falling into the bs trap constantly there and i just want to facepalm.

Just move on, apparently she did.

Sorry man, I don't want to keep beating this dead horse, but it appears you're in the Friend Zone (as several others have stated). The Friend Zone can be reversed, but it takes some pretty special circumstances and even then, the possibility of success is minimal.

I've been in that situation more times than I can count. Weigh your feelings with the evidence. It's very hard to stop loving somebody romantically when you see them often. However, as I'm sure you know, It's painful to continue loving somebody who doesn't love you. If you stick around as close friends, you'll see her go through several bad relationships, and it will hurt you, you will want to know what they have that you don't. It's a dark road to travel down.

My advice is to put some distance between you, you may even want to explain why. If so, you'll want to be very clear that you're trying to avoid heartbreak and disappointment. It's a hard thing to do, but it's better than to continue chasing something that you won't catch. If you do this, she may realize that she does have feelings for you, and that is good, you never know what you have until you lose it. If she never has feelings for you, then you've still made the right choice. Eventually, you'll be able to be friends again without longing for more. Hopefully, you'll meet someone else to take your mind off of her, if that happens, all will be well for the moment.