"The Relationship Agreement", Some Suggestions Needed.

Ok. So just in case some of you are unaware of the "relationship agreement" this is from the show The Big Bang Theory in which one of the main characters makes legally binding agreements in order to keep things well... in order.

I am absolutely horrible when it comes to relationships I am not afraid to say it, but a new year is approaching and I would like to make some changes and thought it would be fun to make a relationship agreement, of course the person that I am seeing thought it would be fun, and is on board, but what he doesn't know is that I will be asking for advice here in the ATS community to help out a bit.

So any suggestions welcome. I am not trying to be greedy or rude but something that could be fun, and benefit the both of us, but also something that can keep us together.

Thanks in advance

Peace, NRE.

Originally posted by NoRegretsEver
Ok. So just in case some of you are unaware of the "relationship agreement" this is from the show The Big Bang Theory in which one of the main characters makes legally binding agreements in order to keep things well... in order.

I am absolutely horrible when it comes to relationships I am not afraid to say it, but a new year is approaching and I would like to make some changes and thought it would be fun to make a relationship agreement, of course the person that I am seeing thought it would be fun, and is on board, but what he doesn't know is that I will be asking for advice here in the ATS community to help out a bit.

So any suggestions welcome. I am not trying to be greedy or rude but something that could be fun, and benefit the both of us, but also something that can keep us together.

Thanks in advance

Peace, NRE.

Truth - trust when a man or woman lies she murders some part of the world...

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


-If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner....you shouldn't be doing it at all...

-my time, your time, our time

-agree to disagree

and finally my fave and the foundation of my marriage...

Love rules without rules...(which is kinda of contradictory to an agreement in a way)

Originally posted by denver22
Truth - trust when a man or woman lies she murders some part of the world...

Denver22, I am not sure Metallica's lyrics from To Live is to Die apply to the question in the OP.

Regarding the topic, I don't think the "Relationship Agreement" is a good idea unless it's only for fun and joking. Just my 2 cents.

I am a big fan but wanted to give an example of what it refers to on the show.


The Relationship Agreement

Section four: contains "Booboos and ouchies", which states that Amy must help Sheldon when he has a small injury, like a splinter.


Section five: titled "Handholding", which states that "Handholding is only allowed under the following circumstances: A, either party is in danger of falling off of a cliff, precipice or ledge. B, either party is deserving of a hearty handshake after winning a Nobel Prize. C, moral support during flu shots."

bigbangtheory.wikia.com...

Of course this is from a show, but I wanted to give an idea.

And yes TRUST and TRUTH are always #1!!

Peace, NRE.

Originally posted by InTheFlesh1980

Originally posted by denver22
Truth - trust when a man or woman lies she murders some part of the world...

Denver22, I am not sure Metallica's lyrics from To Live is to Die apply to the question in the OP.
Just my 2 cents.

Your two cents have been wasted, the lyrics are from a classic film called "EXCALBUR".
My two english pounds worth..

reply to post by InTheFlesh1980


Its a bit of both, its an nonthreatening way to say what others may hold back, and a fun way to keep each other happy, without the constant nagging that can happen when 2 people don't have a relationship agreement

Peace, NRE.

Day of non-argument. No arguing allowed during this day.
Open Relationship. You are open to leave if you are no longer find the relationship fulfilling.
Jealousy Limiter. I am with you, why are you jealous if I look at other women? You are free to look at other men. See "Open Relationship" if this is unacceptable.

Too many rules lol.

Originally posted by NoRegretsEver
reply to post by InTheFlesh1980

 

Its a bit of both, its an nonthreatening way to say what others may hold back, and a fun way to keep each other happy, without the constant nagging that can happen when 2 people don't have a relationship agreement

Peace, NRE.

Show him your trustworthy men have alot of feelings that alot of women
can somehow cannot grasp as if man is made of stone or a donor.

Find what hes into and try to get into his world..If he likes football do some research and find
out about it. Mention you would like to go to the game maybe mention the star player
this will make him happy also he has to do the same regarding what you like to do..

Have dinner candles and talk about an agreement where you both decide to try a shot at maybe
listening to each others view points...

Say you like skiing make a deal that for the day he goes along?.
If like i say he likes football then agree to go watch with him this will open up an understanding
of each other..

Empathy - the ability to take ones own ego out of any given situation, even a passionately heated one, and to be able to see things from the other parties perspective.

They tend to say that money is the failure of most relationships. I disagree. I think it's ego and lack of an ability to put yourself into the other persons headspace and to really understand what they feel. I went through this when I was married. I got laid off from a job after 9-11. I worked in a plant that processed sheet metal and business tanked right after and directly because of that event. So, I decided to take a month off for "me". My ex wife felt this was selfish and irresponsible. We had plenty in the bank.

From my point of view I'd spent years working in an extremely dangerous environment ( I'd had literally hundreds of stitches during my tenure - and several other impact based injuries, though none serious ). I felt like a bit of recovery time was understandable.

She was more inclined to the idea that my month off would put our retirement plans back x number of months - which totally derailed her entire plans and expectation set.

We never recovered from that argument and, from then on, we fought about everything. Even after I went back to work and put extra money from my own "allowance" back into our retirement savings.

If either one of us had been capable of empathy at that point in our lives? Maybe we'd have made it. But we didn't and the animosity created in that one event doomed us.

~Heff

Originally posted by Hefficide

They tend to say that money is the failure of most relationships. I disagree. I think it's ego and lack of an ability to put yourself into the other persons headspace and to really understand what they feel.

~Heff

Putting yourself into the headspace of another person perhaps only gives you an insight into the self centered view they have of the world.

reply to post by ollncasino


Absolutely. But that allows one to see how their egocentric perceptions contrast with your own. Once you know where the poles are, you can then begin working to find the center. If one so chooses. Unfortunately we currently live in a culture where entrenched and highly polarized opinions are considered acceptable and preferable to compromise and balance.

I just am one who chooses to try and find the common ground.

~Heff

Originally posted by Hefficide

...Absolutely. But that allows one to see how their egocentric perceptions contrast with your own.

~Heff

True, if we assume that we are all equally egocentric.

Im sorry I had too!!!

The Relationship Agreement - The Big Bang Theory



Peace, NRE.

reply to post by denver22


Just wanted to mention that I started a thread a few weeks ago asking for some advice on Football, but I wanted to secretly learn about it and surprise him for the season, Im getting a little bit better.

Peace, NRE.

reply to post by Hefficide


From your post on empathy I can't help but get the feeling that the lack of it stemmed from the money issue.

Did you empathize with each other when the money was rolling in at a healthy clip?

Did she stop empathizing with you when the money stopped?

Rhetorical questions because your most made it obvious: Money was the cause for the lack of empathy.

Not to sound too jaded, but you can get in a persons head all you want to see what makes 'em tick, but at the end of the day, it all comes down to money.

Just my 2 cents.

youtu.be...

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


OP you may want to read this, I wrote a topic on my blog about emotional binding contracts.
I think you may or may not find the information useful as you reminded me of this.

Namaste

Emotional Binding contracts and Divine Law

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


I thought I had made a great relationship agreement. I negotiated 4 months before I was willing to commit with a person I knew for a year. I picked the one that met all the standards I set, and no red flags at all. I saved all the potential mates answering machine messages and played them while my friends and I were having our weekly drinking night around the kitchen table so I could get feedback. Then I made my decision. Here is the problem....some people will say and do anything to win and so..I would advise.... try to find a way to see if the potential mate is a liar or not. Because that is the key. Liars have a whole different standard when it comes to relationships. Good luck.