Help a troubled soul -

I'm quite scared to even do this, yet, for the sake of "Law of Attraction" let use delve into the world of the unknown and keep it legit for legit sake... please.

My life is very scary right now. I don't know what to do. I'm 28 years old, I love to write... I'm an "online political activist" *SNIP* and I use Examiner to "Free Lance"

I'm a troubled soul. My disability hearing is next month, something that my family has insisted I receive since I have a tendency to get fired a lot. Yet, I don't know if I NEED it or WANT IT. Sometimes I honestly think that the Illuminati has me "pegged" in the system since I can't pass a background check for the life of me. So I end up working these menial jobs such as Taco Bell, Burger King - yet something jives and I end up getting fried.

My mind went crazy when a letter came down from "corporate" to a little ole store in Tampa Bay, Florida asking the store manager to let me go. She said she's never seen anything like it. Subway.

Perhaps I am manic, and a little crazy -

But I spend hours a day searching for the truth like you. I spend hours a day talking about Emerald Tablets, Flower of Life, researching 9/11 - talking about Ron Paul. The internet is my world. I am at home here.

However, when I turn behind me. I see... insanity. Laundry needs to be done. There's no food to nourish my mind or body. Toilet paper needs to be bought.

My family and I are not on speaking terms. Being a shy extrovert has left me without many "real world friends" I can call on. They treat me as if I has leprosy.



Love to all - this is an important topic to ME - and it's raw enough that I hope it's an important topic to OTHERS.

- Diluted (Jack)








MOD NOTE:

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15e.) Recruitment/Solicitation:

i) You will not use your membership in the Websites for any type of recruitment to any causes whatsoever. You will not Post, use the chat feature, use videos, or use the private message system to disseminate advertisements, chain letters, petitions, pyramid schemes, or any kind of solicitation for political action, social action, letter campaigns, or related online and/or offline coordinated actions of any kind.

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When you have absolutely nothing, $5 is a big deal.

I want to crawl inside a woman's bosom and fall asleep for eternity. Heh.

Anyhow, I forgot to say Thank you for just taking the time to read this - and even if you just say a quick prayer or a "Good luck" I'm sure the energy will cultivate.

reply to post by Diluted

asking for money = mistake.
there is a saying where i live: the frienship ends, when it comes to money.
what is it, you are suffering the most, at the moment ?

reply to post by Diluted


I understand to a degree. I have a lot of trouble holding a job in the town I have been living. Sometimes, I feel like this town is the front line of the battle with 'hell', yet you'd never guess it being a passer by. In regard to the work, I am mostly quiet with the managers, I try to just listen, to be respectful, and do my best to follow protocol.

In turn I am scrutinized down to a hair, where if I make any mistake, even if it is a minute mistake, and even if another manager said to do it the way I did it, I still get confronted with a level of disrespect and hostility that is definitely, fully,

Insane.

It's as if they become possessed by the evil one. It's mind blowing, but it fails to elicit much reaction from me overall, and almost no reaction in the moment.

I was most recently fired for taking a 30 minute lunch. Honest! The girl I was supposed to work with who was coddled like an infant and always given lenience by management, left 6 hours early because she was 'having a bad day.' At about 3:00 I got real hungry, so, remembering what I was told the month prior, I closed the shop for 30 minutes or so, with a note on the door saying 'Lunch, be back soon." The kicker? My good friend was fired from his job at the exact same time. Talk about 'synchronicity'. I wonder why I put up with this idiocy. Feels like I'm dealing with the lord of time who has become old, paranoid, and unwieldy...

A couple weeks prior to getting fired, someone stole something from the store. I didn't catch him, so one of the managers decided to go over the video feed with me.

Here's a list of the things he said to me:

"You're a pussy."

"Here's you, walking around like a bitch."

"See, you're just walkin around like derpa der, you're #ing retarded."

Among many other things. He looked like he was about to attack me at points. In the two prior jobs, in the 1-2 months I worked at these places, I was also often treated like some kind of whipping boy, to the point of extreme unnecessary defamation and attempts to de-characterization. Good tries, clap clap...clap.

I came to terms with the fact that there is true malevolence in this world, that manifests within peoples minds, influencing their thoughts, emotions, beliefs hitherto, and actions in general. What the true sources or processes are, I don't know. We could define it by chemical processes and genetic predispostion, along with other of the known avenues of explanation, but it'd be missing something. What I do know, is the best way to go about it, is to strengthen your own spirit, and to never forget about your care, your heart. In those times of hard ship, where another is trying to bring you down, let your heart keep YOU afloat, for the love of you.

As for me? I already know what I'm up to. I no longer feel sorry for a lot of these people who have essentially allowed themselves to become great imposers upon us all. I've discovered that some people can change, but many cannot change to a degree to which the cost they impose upon humanity and subsequently the planet itself, is less than the benefit they provide. It also has to do with ability to concede.

Good luck, and take care of yourself!

reply to post by Diluted

Hi, Diluted. I feel for your suffering. For a long time I watched someone go through a similar fate. It saddened me to witness events where boundaries were crossed yet the person doing the crossing and stepping outside the expected behavior seemed so unaware of it. It always involved her mouth. Yet when it was pointed out privately a little while later, that person simply pooh-poohed it, either totally missing the point or really not understading what boundaries are.

In the businesses you mentioned in your post, there is one thing expected of the employee, namely to fill someone's food order efficiently with a polite and pleasant attitude. That's it, just that, no more than that. They pay you money to represent the company in a good light. If you try to be cute by making a joke with someone, maybe hinting at tips or outright asking the clients for money, well it is crossing the line, just as the mod had to remind you of the T&Cs.

Is there something you're doing or saying where you just feel you can't help yourself, or do not understand?

Thank you for the kind words, and also, Thanks for the MOD NOTE: Whew, thank God I wasn't violating anything

A situation, at best? Maybe. It's just the situation kept getting worst and worst and figured I'd reach out for help here - since It's pretty much where I spend most of my time throughout the day.

I hope friendship doesn't end with money... That's bad.

Oh, wait, they took out my email for Paypal - wait, does that violate the rules? My email? I want to post my email?

Maybe it is my mouth. I just wish I knew how to put a filter on it. It almost feels like autism sometimes LOL. Maybe?

reply to post by Diluted


You have your disability hearing next month. That, along with some one on one counseling, may be what you need most at the moment. They removed your paypal addy, because it's against the rules on ATS to ask for money.

Best of luck to you....

Des

reply to post by Diluted

Unfortunately, you are the only one who can control your mouth, and as such you must bear responsibility for the things that come out of it. If the things you say keep getting you in trouble, and your mental filters are not worth much, maybe it would help for you to devise a physical action to delay speaking or an action to keep you from speaking at all?

As for suggestions on how to do that, there's counting to ten before speaking, or putting part of your fist in your mouth instead of speaking, pivoting around instead of mouthing off, leaving the situation, and other substitute tricks. If your words offend others, then it needs to be brought under control. Let others bear reponsibility for whatever they say. Life is not at all about having the last word or being right. It's about acting correctly and doing what's right.

As suggested above, if you are in trouble as to hoe to solve this, then maybe arrange a meeting with a psychologist to help you figure out some life tricks? I hate to see people stuck in a bad place. Here's wishing you well.