Help me, ATS, you're my only hope :P

no, that song sure is my style. Mary Jane at least will never abandon you. I thought this girl did understand. She told me she loved leonard cohen for crying out loud.... It was a ploy. I deluded myself. I'm not religious. Though some things hold more meaning to me than they really ought to. Try this on for size, this is the perfect explaination

www.youtube.com...

Originally posted by Tasmanaut
no, that song sure is my style. Mary Jane at least will never abandon you. I thought this girl did understand. She told me she loved leonard cohen for crying out loud.... It was a ploy. I deluded myself. I'm not religious. Though some things hold more meaning to me than they really ought to. Try this on for size, this is the perfect explaination

www.youtube.com...

That was pretty good actually. I've heard OF Leonard Cohen but never listened to his stuff.

You seem to think that if a woman doesn't see love, or a relationship, the way you do then she abandoned you. That doesn't seem to be the case though because this last one did return your call and talked to you. I think you're just going to have to get out of yourself a little bit and try to see things from the perspective of the woman. Try to see what SHE wants.

A big part of romance is pleasing a woman in the way SHE wants and not so much in the way that you've envisioned it. Put her needs first. You can't get more romantic than that. Sometimes romance doesn't even involve sex. Although, I have to admit, from the way you described certain things there has to be SOMEthing about you that the ladies really want. Know what I mean? If a woman calls you up and you KNOW she isn't the type you're going to settle down with, chances are good that she knows that too. But since she's calling you anyway, that only means one thing

Since you're still young, if you have female friends that want to call you up just to hook up with you for the night, go for it. As long as you're both on the same page as far as your expectations of a relationship are concerned, it's all good. And that doesn't mean that you can't keep your integrity, that part of yourself that makes you who you are, and still be on the lookout for the woman of your dreams. Just don't get too involved in one set of people while you're looking for a woman who you KNOW is going to be in a different set.

Be a good Gypsy and don't settle.



A Cohen re-make:

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


Alas, I don't have female friends. I know thats part of the problem. I didn't 'get any' in high school/college. I havent actively set out to 'get some' ever really. I know that perhaps I really should, and that I should learn to be friends with a female. I would love to learn what satisfies their needs in a relationship. But really, its not something that I'm good at, nor particularly interested in. I'm not looking for your sympathy or pity here, but to help you understand, I have a high-functioning autism, so I operate a bit differently socially than your average joe. It doesn't bother me, I celebrate the fact and don't wish I were any different in this respect. Emotionally, I'm highly developed in some regards, and rather stunted in others. I did tell her this, perhaps not the best thing I could have done but its not something I can hide

reply to post by Tasmanaut

I am broken. I can never experience a healthy relationship, as all previous experiences lead me to acting a certain way and dumping it all on whoever I meet. I can't even talk to people. I find women repulsive and stupid, exactly how they must view me. The advice I've received, while useful and well intentioned, is something I cannot follow. I sabotage myself from enjoying this life. I burn all my bridges, when there is uncertainty, I will force a conclusion. I make damn sure that in the end, there can be no doubt as to who is at fault.

Yeah, you're probably going to feel this way for a few more years...before you get a few more years on you, and then feel differently. Don't even believe me now. Five years from now, come back to this thread, and then you can appreciate it. I won't even say I told you so.

Here's my advice, take it or leave it.

1) Don't go looking for a relationship. It happens best when you AREN'T looking for it. (and it radiates desperation, i.e. chick repellent).

2) Be confident in who you are, own it. This isn't the same as being cocky, but relax yourself, and just play it cool. Whatever happens, happens...that's your motto. Think positive, not negative.

3) Learn to be a good LISTENER, especially to girls. If a girl seems troubled, be interested in why, and not with the ulterior motive of getting in her pants. I've learned a LOT about women by simply listening to them. Sure, this means you'll likely be trapped in the "friend zone" for most of school...but afterwards, you'll be a hell of a catch, and you'll be far more prepared than the typical guy, when responding to otherwise mysterious female behavior....

I used to be pretty much a wallflower in High School. Only had one girlfriend in school (and a fellow wallflower). But, even though I'm not Tom Cruise in the looks department (and a few more years on me than in my avatar pic), I can easily walk up to the hottest girl in the room and strike up a conversation without tripping over myself.

Not that I do this much, as I'm a happily married guy..but lets just say I've ticked most male fantasies off my list, if you catch my drift.

It's really not as hopeless as you think it is...but I won't kid you that this is just a rough time you have to get through, to get to the best and rest of your life. Tread well friend.

I really appreciate the time you've put into these pieces of advice. Points 1 and 3 I have/had covered. I hadn't looked for a relationship in about 2 years. I just got carried away with the initial excitement in this case. I gain some kind of enjoyment (if that's the word) from listening, It's gained me a a few very close friends. In the past I have listened to my partners and I feel thats not where I'm going wrong. I think its all to do with point 2 that you made, confidence. Now, I'm very confident when it comes to performing music and singing, not so much with anything else. It's extremely obvious and I project such a shakey unstable image. The ironic part of this is that my confidence was extremely high the morning after this incident took place, as I awoke. I felt completely 'cured' or whole again. I guess thats also why it hurt so much to have that little bit of something taken away. It seems that in order to gain confidence with a woman, I must first be able to trust them, but in order to get that far, I have to project confidence.... which I can't do without being able to trust them.... there's something wrong there, maybe I can work on that

reply to post by smyleegrl


LOL I was going to ask the same thing.

Seriously poster, what you are looking for is a miracle that isn't there.

Accept your losses and mistakes, learn from them and move on.

Besides, the chickadee already expressed she is not looking for anything serious. So stop trying to wrap yourself up in someone that has already expressed tehy are not looking for love.

You claim to not trust women, but if you act like this every time, you keep setting yourself up big time.

reply to post by nixie_nox


Yep, at least this one told you the deal...can't ask for more than that from her.
may have been brutal honesty....but honesty nonetheless...

I know, its terrible isnt it I can't help myself. Always promise never again... Then I meet someone and promise I'll do it differently... thanks for stopping by. I'm going to be fine now. Every time, it gets a little easier. Just as extreme, but not as long lasting. This time next week, I'll be fine