I Just Popped THE QUESTION!!!

reply to post by Shrukin89

I am 29 and she is 41. We both have stable careers, and keep each other in balance. She was raised in the Philippines with strong family and religious values. I was raised here in the U.S. And even though my parents instilled good values in me, she has me beat. She honestly pushes me to be the best I can be every day and is very patient. Everything I told myself I wanted to find in a woman, I have found in her. I had to do it or I would kick myself every day.

Originally posted by Infi8nity
I am not married but I think just about every one could give you some useful advice on their experiences with married couples. My advice, people change, you do not have to change with them but you do have to adapt. So when your partner starts to change and you do not like it be understanding and look at it from their perspective.
My next advice would be to take peoples advice seriously. Your going to read these and forget about them a week later.

edit on 5-6-2012 by Infi8nity because: (no reason given)

I have to agree with this, but I will tell you that I think that the phrase "people change" is often used as a cowardly rationalization to get out of their marital commitment. Everyone changes, all the time. It's a fact of life. No one is the same at 20 as they were at 15, or at 50 as they were at 30. Just because you might have married young, it doesn't give you an excuse to say "people change" when you're having some kind of midlife crisis and think you somehow missed out on a whole bunch of experiences that would have been better than the ones you had. Most likely, you're didn't miss a thing.

So yeah, take the vows seriously.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


I can't thank you and everyone who commented with you're words of wisdom enough. I really do believe that we can do this. I will take everything into deep consideration and mix them with my feelings and actions and I am sure that or stumbles will be minor and not too difficult to overcome. Thanks again guys!!!

Congrats!!! My husband and I knew each other for about 3 months before we got married. I had just turned 20, he had just turned 21. We will be celebrating 16 years of marriage this coming March so don't let the 7 month time span get in your way regardless of what some may say. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for some!

Advice???

Decide whether you want to be right or you want to be happy.
Know that anything worth having is worth fighting for.
Have hobbies that include some time away from each other on occasion.
Don't get married expecting anyone to change. They won't.
Learn to appreciate each other and your differences.
Never tell your parents bad things about your spouse. You may forgive, they may not.

I guess it's not really "genius" advice, but it took us a few years to figure it out. There were so many times in the first 5 years that I thought to myself...."Self...WTH were you thinking? This isn't working. I want out. I am tired of fighting. I am tired of my in laws, etc. etc."

Then one day we were just talking and shared a laugh together that made me pause...

It dawned on me that I was looking at my best friend. Corny I know. But somehow during those first years, through the terrible fighting we had grown to love each other. Truly love each other. Like the "Til death do you part" love
Is it perfect now? Not by a long shot. Hopefully it won't ever be!

I also won't include "Never go to bed mad" because you will....eventually. You will go to bed so mad at times that you will lay awake in fear that your head will explode all over the new duvet. Then you will get over it.

I wish you the best of luck!!!

Congratulations!

My couple of bits of advice would be....

Don't take each other for granted, just because you are married, doesn't mean you stop thinking about each other.

Communication is even more important now than ever.

Don't let anyone, even family dictate how you run your marraige and relationship. Communication between you and your wife will see you through most things as long as you are honest.

Don't stop each other still seeing old friends just because you are married, wther they be male or female. That can cause resentment. Same with hobbies and interests, by all means do stuff together, but have some time for yourself too if you want. You'll both appreciate it.

Be faithfull, bit of a no brainer there but many people seem to forget that one these days. If someone does try it on with you or your partner, just be honest and tell them. If you have the right person you'll end up laughing about it, and also you won't look even more guilty if it's found that you've been hiding it. or just didn't say anything.

Skeletons. Ideally this should have been done before you popped the question, but you should let your partner know everything about you that could come back and bite you on teh backside later on. Thats my policy, maybe not everyones, but it saves a lot of hassle later.

Not sure what else to add. In my opinion, whether you're married or not, it's the little things that make a relationship. Gifts when it's not a special day, even of it's a picked flower or a handmade silly gift, a walk together just to get away from the house.

Most things that keep a marraige together cost nothing.

I wish you all the best for the future, congrats to your good lady too.

CX.

ETA: Oh yeah, keep the laughter in your relationship. Times will get hard and there will be more serious issues to address now, but don't lose the child inside you, having a laugh together will keep things smiley.

reply to post by CX


That is awesome advice!!! This is why I decided to post this. It is people like you and the previous posters that make this community great. I know this post did not require a tin foil hat or research with a few links. But I appreciate everyone taking the time to read this and share their advice and experiences to help another out.

reply to post by CX


Great advice as well! Thank you. I do my best to make laughter important. I will do anything to make get smile. Even letting her paint my toe nails. She laughed for a week. But it was worth it.

reply to post by 1MrMarc


You have my condolences.

Marriage can be a joy and a royal pain, often both at the same time. Just stick it out and don't give up at the first signs of trouble.

People give up way too easy anymore.

reply to post by FortAnthem


You are right, alot of people give up over things that would seem petty in the big picture. Luckily my parents have set a good example of staying together, especially after all of the many arguments I had to listen to. I learned allot of what not to do's. Which I find equally important as the to do's. Thanks again!

Originally posted by bacci0909
My advice is never get too comfortable. I mean this.. like it or not, staying attracted to one another is a big deal when it comes to maintaining a happy and healthy partnership. Don't fart around her. Seriously, don't. People think "aw that's so cute they love eachother that much". No. It's gross. Don't pick your nose in front of her, don't burp so much, don't take your shoes off after a long day right under her nose, etc etc.. Keep your breath fresh, etc.. You don't want her to start associating you with bodily functions and peculiar smells.

But sometimes those things are the Spice of Life. The little goofy stuff we do only at home when we are comfortable and content. Blessings and best wishes for a happy life together.

reply to post by maybee


Thank you! Even though I had to grow up a little, I still like the shock value of things. She was raised pretty strict in a wealthy religious household. Believe it or not, she enjoys my little WTF momemts. I know they will get old eventually, but I might as well get it out of my system now.