A Satirical Breakdown Of Human Worship

This is going to look like a troll thread, and that's part of the reason I'm posting it. It's really funny if you're not prepared to be offended, and I was rolling after I read it. But there is a very good reason I'm posting this as well, and I'll get to it after I've typed up the details of what we're looking at.

Before I go into it, I'll just say that this is a breakdown of all the religious views, and for the clever ones among you lot, you'll probably see where I'm going with this. I would advise that all of you read the entire list, so the point is made as thoroughly as possible. There's no point taking part in this thread if you don't at least try to see how it all relates. Go ahead and check out the list.

Note: the word wasn't originally "stuff"...just switch it out in your head.

TAOISM: Stuff Happens

HINDUISM: This Stuff Happened Before

ISLAM: If Stuff Happens, Take A Hostage

BUDDHISM: When Stuff Happens, Is It Really Stuff?

7th DAY ADVENTIST: Stuff Happens On Saturday

PROTESTANTISM: Stuff Won't Happen If I Work Harder

CATHOLICISM: If Stuff Happens, I Deserve It

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Knock Knock, "Stuff Happens".

JUDAISM: Why Does Stuff Always Happen To Me?

HARE KRISHNA: Stuff Happens Rama Rama Ding Dong (chant)

ATHEISM: No Stuff

SATANISM: I'll Do Weird Stuff So I Get Good Stuff

T.V. EVANGELISM: Send More Stuff

RASTAFARIANISM: [censored due to T&Cs...if you know this religion, you know why]


So! If you've made it this far, and read everything in the meantime, then we can get to the point. Everything revolves around stuff happening...if you read the above note, you know what I mean. And all of these religions have one thing in common: COPING. Ways of coping with the stuff that happens and makes you want to to a facepalm using whatever you have handy, or perhaps even rear-end that guy who cut you off (I wouldn't advise it). So what am I trying to say here?

Coping...let's take anger management for instance. Anyone hear about the new one with Charlie Sheen? Can't wait to watch it. Anyway, just because you've chosen one method of coping for your anger, doesn't mean that's what everyone has to do. Because of different personalities and stuff, we have to choose different roads. I like chocolate, you prefer vanilla. No need to get into a fistfight over it. As long as it works for YOU, it's all good. That's the object, right? Get your anger issue worked out in such a way that no one pays for car damages or ends up in the hospital with broken ribs.

Or ends up in a yelling match over whose god is better. It doesn't matter WHAT religion you follow, or what god you serve (serve...haha, really? straight from slavery to eternal servitude. That's intelligence) because arguing over it is...now, I might be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not...arguing like little kids over a box of cookies is NOT in the owner's manual to "How To Please A God".

As long as you end up where you're supposed to be going, why on earth should you be worried what you do to get there? As long as it breaks no rules, and doesn't offend anyone (if it offends their viewpoint, that's all on them. Walk away and pray somewhere else) then it SHOULDN'T MATTER.

Do you guys see what I'm saying? This is all coping with the bizarre stuff that we have to deal with every day. It doesn't matter how...it's a method of sanity, a way of saying, "This does this, and this is how I react to it or look at it." Big deal if someone punches brick walls while you go jogging. Is it your wall? Is it skinning your knuckles? Are they even TALKING to you while doing it? If they are, walk away. No one gets upset when someone says, "I'm not interested." There's so many people around, it's a dime a dozen to stand on a crate and start spouting hymns or whatever you do to spread your salvation.

It doesn't matter what religion you come from. Not only is arguing not in the book, but even if it was, IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. People walk away mad and all this conflict starts up as word spreads and guys do the evil eye as they walk down the street. Grow up.

There isn't much else to say on the subject. If this doesn't wake you up, nothing will.

Haha, I've seen this list before, and I think it sums everything up very nicely, thank you

ETA: I'm currently an Athiest (as a broad term) but if I was religious I'd follow my Irish roots and be a Catholic, if you ever do anything bad, just repent and its all good again...I personally am a HUGE fan of Rastaaa, when stuff happens keep calm and skin up!! Always works tbf.

reply to post by Starchild23


You know Starchild,

Sometimes I am in agreement with the messages you send,

Plus I chuckled a few times reading the OP,

S&F for this

reply to post by Iason321


Then you understand what I was saying.

That's all I can ask.

reply to post by Sinny


Skin up? I'm not familiar with this phrase...

reply to post by Starchild23


An English term for making a joint lol.

You are certainly correct about how religions offer coping mechanism, but I wouldn't underestimate the pull of social cohesion. I suspect for a lot of people, especially the majority of latent believers, a big part of being 'religious' is just fitting in.

reply to post by DakotaCensus



Is that really a legitimate reason to base your life on a lie? Just to fit in?

That's the weakest excuse I've ever encountered. I tried fitting in as a youngster, but it brought me hell. I see things differently now.