Sex WILL always get in the way of the male-female relationship

According to a new study, there is nearly always attraction between male and female friends and the most common cost is dissatisfaction with current romantic partners

Researchers from University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire found that in a test group of 400 adults, if there were feelings of attraction expressed from only one member of the friendship, it was most often from the man.

Associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study, April Bleske-Rechek believes that because platonic inter-sex relationships are a relatively new concept in the history of human evolution, men are still controlled by their mating instincts.

The results showed that men more frequently admitted attraction to their female friends while also overestimating their friend's romantic feelings towards them.

Women on the other hand were less likely to fancy their friends or assume that the males had those kinds of feelings for them.

Daily Mail

I'm not so sure that females are less likely to assume that males don't have feelings for them. I suspect that the opposite may be true.

When a male likes a female freind, he tends to assume that the female isn't interested.

Many females on the other hand tend to assume that males just automatically want to have sex with as many females as possible, including them.

Well we are designed to spread our 'Seed' Most apes tend to have a harem of Females that they mate with and as Humans we are just a complex form of Ape.

The only reason I Imagine the biological reason of wanting to have sex with a lot of women as a man is purely because you know if you spread your sperm around eventually you will find a good chance of having a healthy strong offspring.

It;s not like we are trying to F* Women over, I assume it is just kinda programmed into us to mate as much as we can because we want a healthy offspring to carry on out gene line.

But if it wasn't then we wouldn't be having this conversation would we?

Very fascinating, great post!

Did you have any research that backs your theory? I am not being sarcastic I was just interested if this was purely conjecture or if you had seen solid proof that is supportive.

I'm not sure which is actually true. It could just be a matter of perception, but we all know that perception inevitably becomes reality.

I'm a woman and I believe it's possible to have non-sexual relationships with the opposite sex. I've heard many guys say however that it's virtually impossible for such a friendship to actually work without there being sexualized feelings and that guys only befriend girls BECAUSE they want to have sex with them. I don't agree with this, but as I said I've heard that come from many of my male friends.

I think it's just human nature to have sexual feelings towards friends even if they're fleeting. We are curious and imaginative creatures and sex is a central theme in the game of life. I would think that everyone has briefly thought about it with their friends just as they do with strangers or celebrities. Thinking about it for a moment and actually having lasting lust for a person is completely different IMO. So again, it's a matter of perception.

Originally posted by SilverStarGazer
Did you have any research that backs your theory? I am not being sarcastic I was just interested if this was purely conjecture or if you had seen solid proof that is supportive.

No proof. Just based on my perceptions of people.

Originally posted by SilverStarGazer
I'm a woman and I believe it's possible to have non-sexual relationships with the opposite sex. I've heard many guys say however that it's virtually impossible for such a friendship to actually work without there being sexualized feelings and that guys only befriend girls BECAUSE they want to have sex with them.

What you say makes sense. On the other hand, I have had a couple of female friends who were into me but I wasn't into them. I have however also fallen for a female friend who wasn't into me.

That's life.

In my experience.. I would like to say this isn't true.. but everytime I've had a male friend.. it always ends up with someone wanting more.. this is isn't the case all the time.. but this is from my experience

reply to post by ollncasino


I'm basically responding to the title, I did read some of the OP.

Yea it is true.

I don't have this problem, because I love everybody. (Not sexually)

Been with my girl for 2.5 years now, and been around many many of her hot friends. They hug me everytime they see me, and call out my name. Is my girl jealous? She's not, because I hug the guys the same. I just like people, I like life, I like consciousness, and I engage it every chance. I'll hug the # out of a gay guy. Actually do all the time, because they are Friends. Friends....

The problem only arises if you act like there is a room for a possiblilty there.

All the girls I am friends with, are Friends. I can't find them Sexy even trying. They are, hot, and I notice, but they come to me with problems with guys... I'm the ACTUAL friend...

Just help them with their problems (the ladies) if they are your friend. You can say almost anything to a friend. Can you say almost anything to that girl you call your friend? Can you jokingly call her silly/stupid? OR something similar, I have bad examples now, but if you can't hang out with friends like buds drinking a case, then these are not friends to begin with...

Or maybe I am weird, haha.

I don't have this problem, because I love everybody.

OOOH!! *grabs lotion*

(Not sexually)

AWWW

Sex doesn't get in my way. Masturbation does.

Forever alone....

reply to post by ollncasino


"Sex WILL always get in the way of the male-female relationship":................If you let it.

If sex "gets in the way" of your relationship then you're not doing it right. Platonic or not, if sex or the mere idea of it drives a wedge between a male and a female, then one or the other are putting too much stock in it. I noticed that study had a cross section of ages, 18 to 53. I kind of feel sorry for the 50 years old's who still see things this way. You have to admit, the conclusions of the study are rather juvenile. Sex is like Rock-n-Roll. You can keep playing well into your 60's, but if you keep playing the same way when you're 60 as you did when you were 18, well, that's kind of pathetic. You need to grow it up, you know? And as far as sex being on the back of everyone's minds?......I would hope it is, otherwise we'd be dead.

The problem I think is that men think of it more than women. Men want it more than women.

There. I said it.

That's not to say that women don't, of course they want sex. They just want more to come from it all than men. Most women want men to be more understanding, affectionate, and attentive after the fact. Not really effeminate so much as just........more THERE, you know? You don't have to act like a woman to care about them guys. It's called multi-tasking. Look into it. It'll open doors.

Women look at sex differently than we do and, for most men at least, it's too much to ask that they put themselves in a woman's shoes and try to see the relationship from a woman's vantage point. God forbid. If they did they might see the woman's needs for what they are and be better prepared to satisfy them all. And if THAT happened, maybe sex wouldn't "get in the way" of relationships.

In other words, sex isn't the problem. It's how people deal with it. THAT'S the problem.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


lol Untrue. Women think about sex just as much as men. It's actually scary.

Religion made sex so taboo, people are afraid to do the act. Sex is the best way to connect to your higher self spiritually.

No it doesn't. does it sometimes? Yes, but not 100%.

I am friends with all the guys at work, they are all about 8-10 years younger then me. We entertain each other during boring meetings and conferences and discuss politics.

No sexual attraction going around at all.They are all starting their lives and are engaged to be married.

reply to post by nixie_nox


Are you a mind reader? Offer yourself to one of the single ones sexually and depending on how you look I bet one of those guys would be so happy to oblige.

reply to post by NewerBeing


I doubt it.

Not to mention they are all my superiors so it would be a little uncomfortable.

Besides, you don't know what I look like. lol

None are single. Like I said, they are all at a stage in their lives where they are all engaged. One is marrying a doctor.

Originally posted by NewerBeing
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

lol Untrue. Women think about sex just as much as men. It's actually scary.

Religion made sex so taboo, people are afraid to do the act. Sex is the best way to connect to your higher self spiritually.

Then I guess they're better actors than us men. Are you a woman? Just curious.

You're right about the religion thing. I forgot about that angle. It does repress people and have them not want to act naturally.( Forget about God, if you wanna go to heaven have sex with ME. )

I like your angle about the spirituality as well. After all I've been through I think I may be ready for that level. It sounds intense.

All I know sometimes is that people are just so hung up about it and there's really no need for that. It's fun and it makes you feel better. As long as the man and the woman are on the same page beforehand as to where they want the relationship to go, nowhere else or farther, they can have fun with it or get real detailed and emotional with it. Again, depending on where they want it to go from there.

In either case, it makes you feel better and those 3 simple words that a man should say to a woman when they're done...."I love you".... will keep them close, at whatever level the woman wants, solid and forever or friends with benefits, long after the fact.

No hang ups, good times and good feelings. That's what sex is all about for me.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


Nirvana at it's finest.

reply to post by ollncasino


It depends how strong minded and honest you really are if a friendship with a member of the opposite gender will work. I have had a few chick friends over the years; but once I friend zone a chick, it becomes almost like incest in my mind for anything else down the road.

That is why if a chick friend zones you, move on if you want something more. Same to with the ladies, if a guy friend zones you and you want more, move on. That way there isn't any hurt feelings.

Originally posted by NewerBeing
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

Nirvana at it's finest.

Thank You.

Now if only I could get ______ ______ to see it that way, I'd be set for life.

reply to post by ollncasino

Many females on the other hand tend to assume that males just automatically want to have sex with as many females as possible, including them.

That is because we do.

Seriously, even if we are happily married, and even if our wife's girlfriends aren't particularly our type, that still won't stop us from imagining the scenarios or thinking about it. Just that we wouldn't vocalize it, or act on it, but yeah, we'd definitely think about it now and then. Anybody who says they don't is simply being polite and smart, and lying about it. But, it is what it is. There shouldn't be anything wrong with it, as long as you don't vocalize or act on it.

It depends how strong minded and honest you really are if a friendship with a member of the opposite gender will work.

The ONLY way this works is when BOTH of you are in happy relationships. I'm friends with many of my wife's girlfriends, and those friendships work because both parties are in perfectly happy relationships.