posted on Apr, 10 2012 @ 02:57 PM
I will just tell you something about me and "craziness". I used to think that there was such a thing as a modern-day Holocaust happening in the
United States. I believed that when I saw storage facilities, they were really buildings that were going to be used as concentration camps. I believed
I saw aliens, because I saw it with my own eyes. I believed I was pregnant: for four years: from immaculate conception. I believed I was a Manchurian
Candidate being mind-controlled by the CIA with a microchip in my body. I tried to dig the microchip out with a piece of glass during one of my
numerous suicide attempts. I became homeless. Three times I lived in shelters. I was sexually assualted numerous times. I then began to think I was
Jesus Christ reincarnated, and L. Ron Hubbard reincarnated. It all started when I was 23 years old. For women, Schizophrenia starts usually in your
20's. For men, it usually starts in your late teen years. You said you are 19. You sound extremely paranoid. Then again, most of the people posting
on this site sound extremely paranoid to me. I will tell you what worked for me. I had many psychiatric hospital trips, and finally, after I almost
shot myself to death, I was forced into a psychiatric hospital for a five-month long stay. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. The diagnosis was later
changed to Schizoaffective Disorder, which is a form of Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder. I was put on medication, but because I thought medications
were poisons meant to kill me by the New World Order doctors, I refused to take it until they gave me injections which I had no choice about.
A wonderful thing happened. All of the above stuff that I was thinking stopped ceasing to seem real to me. I hadd clarity of thought for the first
time in seven years. During that seven years I had been floridly psychotic and had not known it. Once I had clarity of thought, I no longer wanted to
die. I stopped halucinating with visual and auditory hallucinations (also called hearing voices). I stopped trying to kill myself. I stopped believing
I was Jesus. I stopped believing I was pregnant (because I have never actually been pregnant). I got better. I had a long term relationship with a
boyfriend. I moved into a group home, and then into my own apartment. I got a job. That was six years ago. Today, I still have my own apartment. I
have a job. I go to college. I got my AA degree and now I am working on my BA degree. I also volunteer with the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
Now, there's nothing wrong with being a skeptical person. And I don't believe everything I am told to believe by any means. I don't like the fact
that Big Pharma is making billions of dollars. But I will tell you this: proper diagnosis and medication saved my life. Today, I am happy, glad to be
alive, and not the least bit paranoid. I suggest you seek professional help. Probably, nobody else is going to tell you that here.