Something that's bugging me

I'm the kind of guy that doesn't like to be disliked by someone. If someone doesn't like me, I sometimes dwell on it and really try to put together why it might be so. I don't know what the reason is for this psychology, but it's just how I've always been.

Earlier today I went and seen an old friend that I only see once in a while. He has a girlfriend and I'd met her one time previously. The first time I met her it seemed she liked me well enough. Well here we are 5 months or so in the future, and I was with them again. My friend was out of the room for a moment and the old awkward silence began. Just to kinda make some random small talk, I said to her that she looks kinda different than I remember, as I was somewhat annebriated in our previous encounter. She said 'Oh yeah, it's probably because I look like s**t right now.' All I said after this was 'Yeah that must be it.' She kinda giggled and said something like, 'awww you're not supposed to say.' Blah Blah frickin' Blah.

At the time I didn't think it was that inappropriate to say, but later on she made a comment about it, and how my friend 'must have been okay with it'. Then when my friend was sitting there he was reading something on his phone and he gave her a questioning look. She told him I said she looks like s**t. She kind of made a bit of a deal about it and asked him if he wanted her to leave, because he wasn't spending time with her. Sounds pretty damn needy, but I started to feel bad about my comment and asked my friend if she hated me now. He told me I probably shouldn't of said it, but we're old friends so it's not like he personally cared.

So I guess my question is, was that a highly inappropriate remark on my part or is she just a needy chick? I don't know if other people analyze their own comments and the responses like I do but this particular instance has weighed on my mind all day. Thanks to anyone that responds.

reply to post by MisterFister103


looks like she answered your question with a joke and you replied with a joke. she seems toxic beware, she will be in your friends ear.
Unless she really does look like sh-t and then it was probably inappropriate

You attacked her ego! she was fishing for a compliment, her form of defence was to attack back & it's worked.
Us girlies (well not all!) do fish for compliments now & again even from people we don't know very well.

Now picture this if you have been a little more diplomatic instead of adding a little jokey sarcasm by agreeing with what she said..How would the evening have gone.

Your answer to her was a normal Guy thing! & she was just getting back at you so I wouldn't let it worry you.

reply to post by MisterFister103

It sounds like you kinda know the answer already. The remark was at least unfortunate but I know awkward silences can do that. Maybe next time you go there you could take a small gift for her, flowers, choccy, nothing fancy just a small token and apologise and explain a little. We all put our foot in our mouth sometimes. An apology (honest, not frickin blah blah ) might help repair the damage a little. Good luck!

Oh man... been there done that, and been the guy who's girlfriend got the sh3ts too..

Nanny is dead right... but it might not just blow over so easily, you might wanna take some of lightspeedrivers advice and do something nice for her.. that should fix the situation..

Otherwise.. if your mate has been a friend long enough, he should have a word to her. No point losing a long term friendship over a quip that meant nothing.. on the other hand she could be the jealous type.. and is looking for a reason for your mate not to "share" himself with you and anybody else and get you out of the picture..

Ahhh women... complicated species..

reply to post by MisterFister103


I tend to look at this from a different perspective that I call the reality of a situation and I would not put up with this type of behavior from anyone regardless of who they are friends with etc.

I would have told the girl right there to stop acting like a little brat and suggested she should take her face for a crap.

I have no time for immature twisted people and disrespectful people that lie or twist the truth to themselves and others.

Do not even give up any of your time worrying until she serves you an apology which will most likely not happen.

If you are worried about how your friend will react, the fact that he is event considering that you would say such a thing without jest, is an indicator that your friend is putting the blinders on as he wants his bed with the girl. Leave them be and in time your friend will realise the mistake too as woman or rather immature girls like this can be dangerous. I would almost guarantee that if you go with the option of giving her an apology, you have just shown how easy you are to manipulate and will become the butt of her attention seeking towards your friend.

Narcissistic people are unfortunately very common these days and twisting people off of each other to gain the approval and attention of another is a sign that should have the alarm bells ringing.

A lot of women and guys think that this is normal behavior but it is far from it.



Narcissistic personality disorder

Have a little read of the link, this is a small amount of information but there are a lot of signs in there from what you have typed.

It really just sounds like their relationship is having probs and you happened to be there to see it. They'll both be thinking more about their own dramas than bothering about what you said.

It seems like you have a decent sense of humour and she just twisted it to get attention and a point off of him. She seems insecure. Nothing for you to worry about.

Maybe next time tell her she looks different and say it's cos she looks awesome compared to last time, then laugh, you can then have a running joke for future meets.

reply to post by MisterFister103


That chick has obvious issues, they won't last.

Don't feel bad, you weren't saying anything bad and if she didn't see the humor in it that's her fault not yours. If your friend is on her "side" so to speak he is whipped because what you said was nothing!

Some chicks are needy, manipulative and passive/aggressive all in one! I know I'm female and some of my own kind scare me

I would't worry about it honestly. Sometimes things can just be uncomfortable, don't worry about.

I also wouldn't worry about what others think and if someone doesn't like you well it's their loss. I never cared if people didn't like me, not my problem. Can't please everyone...Im pretty easy to get along with and if someone doesn't like me I don't sweat it, their loss you could say.

I'd have never said that, even to make a joke.

Dear god man....

We all say stupid things we don't mean and then regret them or dwell on them but yeah, I guess I'd rather put myself down jokingly than dare to do the same to a female.

You didn't say anything bad... You have nothing to apologise for. And If I were you I wouldn't even want to apologise to such a girl...

Originally posted by curious7
I'd have never said that, even to make a joke.

Dear god man....

We all say stupid things we don't mean and then regret them or dwell on them but yeah, I guess I'd rather put myself down jokingly than dare to do the same to a female.

Oh but those aren't females anymore. They are manipulating creatures that just go round looking for trouble.

reply to post by MisterFister103


First off, it's probably no big deal in the longrun. Women tend to focus on crap like that though, so if you're that concerned about it, make an effort to show you're apologetic, like get them a gift card for a movie or something to enjoy together, and say you're sorry, you were just going along with the joke, and didn't mean anything by it.

You attacked her ego! she was fishing for a compliment

That's exactly what she was doing, and you sank her battleship, so her laughing along was an instant defense mechanism.