I Hold Your Hand Someone Else Holds Your Heart

Imo,the most important thing that men and women can learn to understand about eachother is that love and sex are different things and they dont really have anything to do with eachother...

Most people think that because he or she is having sex with them,it automatically means that the person loves them.They want to believe that the person is loving them,but whats really being felt is the person loves they way your making them feel,but it doesn mean they love you for doing it...

And most likely,the present day divorce rate and the ever increasing amounts of infidelity thats happening so much more than it did not so long ago,is because men and women are confusing love and sex by thinking they are the same...

And whats empowering these once happy unions of men and women to so often fade into hate filled loveless mariages and then bitter divorce and whats keeping those things perpetually occurring is the fact that men and women think sex and love are the same and men act love to get sex and women act sex to get love...

The fact that love and sex are different things and how they really dont have anything to do with eachother is perfectly expressed within the meaning of these few simple yet profound words...

"I Hold Your Hand Someone Else Holds Your Heart"

Although what you wrote is basically true, you forgot to include "infatuation" in the equation. I have always felt that infatuation is what brings a couple together, and it is a trick of nature, sort of like a high the brain enjoys, so that the species perpetuates itself. Infatuation, and hormones, is what makes you get involved sexually in the first place.

Infatuation, like a high, only exists for a limited time, and then it is gone. If the couple is mature and believes in commitment and respect, hopefully when the infatuation fades, it is replaced by what we know as "love". Love can only occur over time between two people. If it is instantaneous, you can be sure it is just a crush.

Infatuation is the basis for many divorces. A couple is married for a while, the infatuation fades, and the immature brain of one or both registers this as "falling out of love". They meet somebody else, the infatuation flares up, and they assume they are now "in love" with the new person.

I worked with a lady from India who's first real date with her husband was on her wedding night. She explained that her parents made the choice, because they are older and know better, and if she met him in the presence of her family and didn't outright reject him, the wedding was set. I asked her how awkward it was on the wedding night. She blushed and indicated it was quite awkward, but perfectly OK, because she trusted the judgment of her parents and understood that the marriage was a forever deal.

She went on to say that our American confusion over infatuation vs. love, and our quickness to divorce and start over with somebody else, is why we are all broke, financially as well as emotionally. She explained that the American ideal of falling in love is silly kid's stuff.

Years ago, I would have taken offense and thought she was off her rocker. Now that I am older and wiser, I see that she is absolutely correct. We have it all wrong in our culture, and the rate of divorces, broken hearts and broken homes is proof of it.

reply to post by FissionSurplus
Hi,in my opening post i was trying to focus on just sex and love and how so many people think they are the same,when they really dont have anything to do with eachother.I didnt branch out into the various off-shoots of sex,love and relationships such as infatuation as you mentioned and obsession,love is blind and passion as well,but anyones more than welcome to add anything they think and feel to this thread...

Originally posted by blocula
the most important thing that men and women can learn to understand about eachother is that love and sex are different things and they dont really have anything to do with each other...

Wrong, the ways to show love in the world are giving attention and 'giving' to the other person in all ways. Sex is a form of giving to another person, and is a part of romance - romance is a form of giving in a sensual nature.

Originally posted by blocula
Most people think that because he or she is having sex with them,it automatically means that the person loves them.They want to believe that the person is loving them,but whats really being felt is the person loves they way your making them feel,but it doesn mean they love you for doing it...

And most likely,the present day divorce rate and the ever increasing amounts of infidelity thats happening so much more than it did not so long ago,is because men and women are confusing love and sex by thinking they are the same...

And whats empowering these once happy unions of men and women to so often fade into hate filled loveless mariages and then bitter divorce and whats keeping those things perpetually occurring is the fact that men and women think sex and love are the same and men act love to get sex and women act sex to get love...

It feels good not to be a statistic. This all comes down to making love, not having sex lol, we all know out there that those are two different things.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
Infatuation, like a high, only exists for a limited time, and then it is gone. If the couple is mature and believes in commitment and respect, hopefully when the infatuation fades, it is replaced by what we know as "love". Love can only occur over time between two people. If it is instantaneous, you can be sure it is just a crush.

This may be what I am meant for today, I don't think the infatuation should fade. We have a disagreement on Wikipedia -

Some consider that 'perhaps infatuation can only be distinguished from romantic love in retrospect...others suggest that infatuation may be the first step towards love.

Love is so complex, but maybe can be described simply by the root cause of 'want.' I have a problem with infatuation, because to others when the love had gone the love was still in me.

reply to post by blocula
I wasnt meaning to compare every aspect of relationships,good and bad,just love and sex...

I understand theres other things involved,such as romance,infatuation,obsession,cant buy love,he said she said,love is blind,honesty,trust,passion ect,ect...

But lets face it,the overriding concern amongst a man and a woman,especially young adults,is sex...

And if someones significant other is giving them sex all the time,that more often than not will be misinterpreted as meaning that the person is loving them all the time and its just not true....

The majority of people these days are loving the sex their giving and getting,but their not loving eachother for giving and getting it...

So peoples physical and emotional thoughts,feeling and signals are misread and taken the wrong way,wires are crossed and so lots of people are getting married for the wrong reasons...

She loves sex,but she does'nt love him for giving it to her,the sex is what shes loving,not him...

He loves sex,but he does'nt love her for giving it to him,the sex is what hes loving,not her...

And those are the main reasons why todays divorce rate is astronomically higher than it was in the not so long ago past...Imo...

There's a big difference between having sex and making love. My wife and I do both on occasion.

Seriously though, I think that real love is based on also being good friends with your significant other. Without a basic friendship, if just based on lust or infatuation, it will wither. As for keeping it interesting, we've come up with some interesting ones, and due to the T&C, I'll leave it at that, hehe....

reply to post by Gazrok


Oh come on...don't tease us like that.

You're right though, if more people could see the difference between having sex and making love, that would be one thing that could help save marriages by helping them "get off" on the right foot to begin with.

reply to post by blocula


Good post. I think you hit the nail on the head with that one.

My take on this is that you make love with a friend, and have sex with an acquaintence. The best way to start a relationship IMO is to become friends with the person first. Get to know them on an emotional level first. Any monkey can have sex. It takes a real man and woman to make love (and) come together.

One problem here I think is that society is so geared towards selling things based on sexual inages that everyone has sex on the brain. Nobody seems to want to accentuate the love that two people can have for each other. It's a rush and hurry world as well and getting to know someone as a friend takes time. Hooking up with someone to have sex can only take a couple of hours sometimes.

I have a good friend who's been with his wife for many years. I've known him since childhood and for the most part he's got a good head on his shoulders. He's going through some things right now to where he and his wife are going to seperate. I think the main problem with them is that they started their relationship based on sex. It didn't help that they were putting things into their system to help drive their sex life, they were highly sexual people to begin with, because it caused them to lose focus on what's important in starting a healthy relationship.

Long story short, they sobered up and made the best of what relationship they had for quite a few years. But the longer they kept their systems clean the more they came to accept the fact that they didn't really have a lot in common. It got to the point where he didn't even talk about his sex life anymore, and we've always been close. Like brothers. They started to grow apart to the point where that divide was too big to cross anymore. That's something that no amount of sex can change.

One reason why two people become friends is because they have certain things in common that form a bond between them. I don't know personally, but having sex with someone with whom you share an emotional bond has got to be the high of all highs. By watching my friend off and on for all these years I could tell that he was having fun and running scared at the same time. I see that in a lot of other people as well and can't help but ask myself that if they're having so much fun, why doesn't it make them happy?

This is a good topic blocula. Younger and older people alike could use a refresher course on this sort of thing.

youtu.be...

reply to post by Taupin Desciple
A man and a woman can live with eachother for years...

And they can be having sex together every one of those nights...

Then one day the man comes home and finds the woman suddenly gone without warning...

Most of the time the Man will be emotionally crushed and physically confused...

Most of the time the woman wont think too much of it and carry on as if it was no big deal....

Guys think and act logically...

Girls think and act emotionally...

And a girl in trouble is a temporary thing...

She can just move on at her own lesiure and latch onto just about any type of man she chooses by luring him in with her body,sex comes to her,she doesnt have to go out looking for it...

He cannot do that,because many more times than not,he has to accept defeat and then claw and spend his way into another relationship and take whats there,he cannot lure in a lady lawyer or a lady doctor with his body...

reply to post by blocula

Guys think and act logically...

Girls think and act emotionally...

9 times out of 10. There's always an exception to a rule.

I read a story once, non-fiction, can't remember who wrote it, but the story line went something like this:

When a time comes where a woman thinks logically and a man thinks emotionally, where the woman is a success because of the way she thinks but the man isn't because of the way he thinks, but for deeper reasons than those sparks fly.......watch out. Interesting times are ahead.

For both.

There was be a bit of work on the part of both of them to find common ground on which they both could stand. Their mutual attraction for each other dictated that they did, indeed, want to stand together, but since this is the 1 time out of 10 that two people like this actually meet, unconventional means of getting together almost had to be the way they had to go.

A man thinking with his heart isn't conventional, nor is a woman thinking almost exclusively with her head. It's almost as if they were running from the exact opposite things and somehow bumped into each other somewhere down the road. They both had to work at the traits that neither had in order to "connect." Sound hard? There's also the fact that there may very well be "outside circumstances" that are also keeping them apart. You want to see what happens when love and success meet? Finish the story brother.

When you do, you'll see what love REALLY is. Just hope that they both have a strong work ethic because they're going to need it to impress each other.




Are we impressed yet? I'll give you 29 more reasons if you want them.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple
Quotes from Oscar Wilde 1854-1900...

"A woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat"

"A man can be happy with any woman,as long as he doesnt love her"

"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter,she is perfectly satisfied"

"How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being"

"When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her"

And a very profound quote from Gautama Buddah 563 BCE-483 BCE...

"What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world,where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What's the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?

Originally posted by blocula
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

Quotes from Oscar Wilde 1854-1900...

"A woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat"

"A man can be happy with any woman,as long as he doesnt love her"

edit on 11-3-2012 by blocula because: (no reason given)

Aint THAT the truth. Especially the first one. What makes it even more difficult is when there are 2 women at the same time that's doing it.

Only in the case of the story I outlined, the man doesn't want to retreat. He simply wants to find a quick and easy exit to one situation that he's been in for years so the door can fully open to the other one.

He advanced on the other one, she isn't letting him go ( nor does he want to), and he's trying to let go of the original, and she wasn't letting him go either.

I really wish I could remember who wrote that story. I remember reading it when I was 17.

Time's a funny thing I guess.

Originally posted by blocula
And a very profound quote from Gautama Buddah 563 BCE-483 BCE...

"What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman in the midst of this world,where each person is clinging to his piece of debris? What's the proper salutation between people as they pass each other in this flood?

edit on 11-3-2012 by blocula because: (no reason given)

Try to grab onto each other would be my answer. And if this world gets to be too much to take, if the waters get too rough, make sure SHE gets saved by giving what you have in order to help her.

That's what I would do at least.

"Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion"...Miguel de Unamuno

"Men know that women are an over match for them and therefore they choose the weakest or most ignorant.If they did not think so,they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves"... Dr. Samuel Johnson

"Men always want to be a woman's first love,women like to be a man's last romance"...Oscar Wilde

"Women might be able to fake orgasms,but men can fake whole relationships"...Sharon Stone

I think an even bigger problem are the people who know the difference between sex and love and use this knowledge to manipulate good people for their own sexual needs.

I've had too many girlfriends confused as to why men left them. It just never occurred to them that the guy was in it for only sex,

On that same token, there are plenty of sketchy chicks out there who manipulate men into sleeping with them for their own agenda, be it monetary, security, drama, etc.

A poster above mentioned that real love occurs between two adults that choose to stay together after the infatuation is over. That's basically the big secret. You have to want to work at it, because you can learn about the difference between sex and love, but if you keep insisting that infatuation is love you'll never be happy and wonder why your relationship turned sour.

A fair warning to men...

Usually women who have good relationships with their mothers "and" fathers are balanced and emotionally stable and they will treat you well,but if they hate "either" one of their parents,chances are,they will end up hating you and hurting you financially...

A fair warning to women...

Nine out of ten men who say they love you are lying and are only saying that because they hope those words will get them laid...

Originally posted by blocula
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

A man and a woman can live with eachother for years...

And they can be having sex together every one of those nights...

Then one day the man comes home and finds the woman suddenly gone without warning...

Most of the time the Man will be emotionally crushed and physically confused...

Most of the time the woman wont think too much of it and carry on as if it was no big deal....

Guys think and act logically...

Girls think and act emotionally...

And a girl in trouble is a temporary thing...

She can just move on at her own lesiure and latch onto just about any type of man she chooses by luring him in with her body,sex comes to her,she doesnt have to go out looking for it...

He cannot do that,because many more times than not,he has to accept defeat and then claw and spend his way into another relationship and take whats there,he cannot lure in a lady lawyer or a lady doctor with his body...

edit on 13-2-2012 by blocula because: (no reason given)

Are you F-ING kidding me? Maybe you should be tought the difference between a prostitute and a woman. Good grief!

My basic problem with most replies is that they forget about passion. When it's totally unclear where body ends and heart begins. Not to forget the most important ingredient: the soul.

Blocula, have you ever felt passion for another person? I get the feeling you know lust and you know love, but that passion is something new to you.

Originally posted by blocula
"Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion"...Miguel de Unamuno

"Men know that women are an over match for them and therefore they choose the weakest or most ignorant.If they did not think so,they never could be afraid of women knowing as much as themselves"... Dr. Samuel Johnson

"Men always want to be a woman's first love,women like to be a man's last romance"...Oscar Wilde

"Women might be able to fake orgasms,but men can fake whole relationships"...Sharon Stone

edit on 11-3-2012 by blocula because: (no reason given)

YOU GO SHARON