Why do people want to be in a relationship to have someone to take care of them?

I don't get it. I only understand the monetary value of this aspect of a relationship. If I were in a relationship right now (which I am not, but if I were I would act accordingly to the persons needs and wants), I would care for the other person. I would do things for them. But I would also want some freedom at the same time to do what I want to do. When we have this thing in society where guys look around for a girl or girls looking for a guy to "fix" their problems or to "make their lives feel content" you know it's a problem because these people weren't happy in the first place. They're just looking for someone to make them feel better about themselves.

I know I've been guilty of this in the past. It's like... oh if I was with this girl all my insecurities would vanish! No, no no, just because you're with someone doesn't mean that everything about you will change. I haven't been in a relationship yet but I've seen it happen to other people. This one girl I am friends with has an insecure boyfriend who is highly suspicious of anyone who is male and has a penis. He's grown less suspicious over time... but he's still the same. That being said, he doesn't necessarily need her to always take care of him, and vice versa.

But for the people that have this kind of mentality are more likely the ones that are the most dependent on other people. What they really should be focusing on is their friendship with other people first and then they can focus on their relationship second and then when their relationship becomes a serious one, or, when they get in a relationship, they can feel comfortable enough about themselves and their social lives that they can feel that their life won't be completely ruined if they get dumped.

I only see the value from a monetary perspective. There's a certain social dimension that comes into play of course with relationships. I'm not dumb. I know there is more to love than just money. It's about the feelings that you have for someone else. However, aside from monetary aspects and taking care of and raising children, and cooking, that's the only kind of caring that the two of you should be doing for each other.

Guys/girls shouldn't need someone as a crutch to lift them out of the darkness and depend on them for everything. I've been there and done that with friends whom I've depended on in the past... and trust me, dependency is never funny, nor is it fun. It can be fun for a while and maybe the person you are dependent on can become a really good friend of yours later on down the road... but you still need other people. One-itis is never a good thing. That doesn't mean you should discount others... but just don't rely on one person for everything. If you only have one person you miss out on different perspectives in life and you miss out on people who try to get you to see things differently.

That being said, I can see why people want someone else to help them with their problems. But that shouldn't be the only thing that person should be there for. At least that's just me IMO. I go to people all the time for help.

A problem shared is a problem halved!

But anyway, I'm happily married and to me it's not about money, cooking or problems. It's about love. Thats the problem these days, I think in a way love has become a dirty word, people look more for what they can get out of someone.

Perhaps this is a product of todays soceity? In my book if you love someone all of the above vanish, unless your talking about the dating game? Which is a farce in itself. I count myself as one of the lucky ones btw.

I think this is just the fact that humans are primates. Primates are naturally socially-oriented. Can't speak for other countries, but I know that the U.S. is very, very big on the "you're on your own" thing. I think that such a thing comes from the simply fact of those people who can't overcome natural instincts.

Personally, I view the extreme individualism of my country as proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that most of us are extremely mentally ill. I mean, biologically speaking, there's something very wrong there.

reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck


I respectfully disagree with you. I don't think we have extreme individualism in our country at all. Rather, we have an overwhelming concern for the group and other people within the groups. People want to be in a group so they can be taken care of. So they can feel like they're a part of a group. I like being in groups and that's fine with me so I have no problem with that.

I also, however, want autonomy. I want the freedom to do what I want when I want and with whom I want. Obviously there are things I wouldn't do with a girlfriend or with a wife if I were to marry that would I would do with anyone else. But, just because other people will care for each other, I am all for that, just because I can care for someone else, does not mean that I want that to be the only core aspect of my relationship.

I want to have fun mostly. That's what my main concern is. Can I still have fun with other people and can we still care about each other while maintaining something serious and frivolous at the same time? When I was a kid I decided that I never wanted to just have a boring normal relationship when I grew up. I don't want to be in a dependent relationship where we become obsessive about our own problems ourselves.

I can do that myself. Believe me. I could cry any of you a river any time if I wanted to.

reply to post by Grifter81


I know it's not about money. I know it's about love. I apologize if I came out that way that it's just about money... that's not all I care about. But the solving problems in half thing, to me, that part is mostly about money.

Relationships should have a serious element to them. But that's not all they should have. My ideal relationship would be one where we can take care of each other when we need it... but aside from that, we should be having the times of our lives, and we should be happy with ourselves. That's what is important to me.

I don't get it. I only understand the monetary value of this aspect of a relationship. If I were in a relationship right now (which I am not, but if I were I would act accordingly to the persons needs and wants), I would care for the other person. I would do things for them. But I would also want some freedom at the same time to do what I want to do. When we have this thing in society where guys look around for a girl or girls looking for a guy to "fix" their problems or to "make their lives feel content" you know it's a problem because these people weren't happy in the first place. They're just looking for someone to make them feel better about themselves.

reply to post by Frankidealist35

This statement ,in my opinion,is confusing.
Maybe you need to restate it.

When you get into a relationship to make yourself feel better about yourself,well,that is the wrong reason.
And it wont last.
And a monetary value?
Ok ,dude,and I'm assuming you are a dude cause a woman wouldn't write this.

Don't settle,don't compromise.
Find the "one" that brings you the joy and happiness of life.
Money and material things will not grant you that happiness.
Seeking a "crutch" to get you through life will not either.
The only person that can help you is,...................................
yourself.
Plain and simple.
K

You've gotta long way to go before you see the point in these things buddy, my suggestion would be for you to stop focusing on your piers and go back to focusing on your school work.

Work on yourself until the point where you are happy, then the idea of finding your reflection in someone else will appeal to you. Some poet somewhere wrote "I love you for who I am when I am with you." If you are not stable enough to be at the place where a relationship doesn't drag you around like a rag doll, then you should not be in one yet.

You are right though, we should not depend on our significant others for support of any kind. We should be strong enough to support ourselves first, else we will not offer ourselves as a good prospective teammate for those we are interested in.

Because the world can be a cold, hard place... And at the end of a long day of dealing with the cruelty, I want a woman's warm, soft, kind touch to make me feel all better again so I can have the courage to go out and do it all over again the next day! XD

Originally posted by 3n19m470
Because the world can be a cold, hard place... And at the end of a long day of dealing with the cruelty, I want a woman's warm, soft, kind touch to make me feel all better again so I can have the courage to go out and do it all over again the next day! XD

^Just like how women wish for prince charming?

Originally posted by Alyssa

Originally posted by 3n19m470
Because the world can be a cold, hard place... And at the end of a long day of dealing with the cruelty, I want a woman's warm, soft, kind touch to make me feel all better again so I can have the courage to go out and do it all over again the next day! XD

^Just like how women wish for prince charming?

You might want to specify exactly what you meant by that. It makes for better conversation.

That statement alone makes you sound jaded.

Originally posted by 3n19m470
Because the world can be a cold, hard place... And at the end of a long day of dealing with the cruelty, I want a woman's warm, soft, kind touch to make me feel all better again so I can have the courage to go out and do it all over again the next day! XD

Now THAT'S the kind of honesty a person can sink their teeth into. Right on man.

It's good to see that I'm not the the only man in the world who see's it this way too. That's not the ONLY reason for a relationship of course, but it's a damn good one.

At the moment I'm in a relationship that started out well I thought but, as time has gone on it's more and more obvious to me my other half only wants me to "make her happy"... She has no thoughts or feelings of how I feel. I'm just there to do everything for her, driver her around, clean up after her cats, plan her day for her etc etc...

Now don't get me wrong, I want to be in a relationship to care for someone but, this relationship is all one sided.
She is cold and hard faced, whatever i do is wrong.
Whatever I say or think she will think the opposite just to spite me.

I know this is the wrong relationship for me.

I am making plans to move on but, wanted to say that in a relationship I don't want anyone to "take care" of me, I'm quite capable of doing that myself but I would love to look after someone else but, the most important part for me is mutual attentions, respect and of course love.

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
I don't get it. I only understand the monetary value of this aspect of a relationship. If I were in a relationship right now (which I am not, but if I were I would act accordingly to the persons needs and wants

And that pretty much set the tone for the entire post in my opinion. Those two sentences contradicted each other. You seem to be on the fence as to which is more important in a relationship; money or feelings. Something like that is played on a case by case basis I think.

You've heard of gold diggers right? It goes both ways. Both men and women do it. One person wants a relationship because the other has a lot of money. Or at least appears to. While money is important, you can't pay your bills with love, it's not a deal breaker either. There were times in my life when I had absolutley nothing monetarily and times when I had more than the average person. Certainly a lot more than other people in my circle at the time. Through it all I learned that I'd rather have a relationship based on feelings than money. Money isn't a part of you. It doesn't define you. It's the end result of what you do for a living. That's it. Feelings on the other hand play a large part in making you the kind of person you are. The person that attracts, or repulses for that matter, other people. This is the part of you that you can't really change, so it would be in your best interest to take them more seriously than money. Which of course you can change.

And then you have the clingers. Or nesters. They only want to be with someone for the sake of it. These people, IMO, don't have a clue what real emotions are. It doesn't make them bad people and it doesn't mean they'll never find someone else to be with because there seems to be more of those types of people in the world these days than people who want a deep, meaningful relationship. These people are very pragmatic and I don't think people like me will ever fully understand them. Having matured as much as I have though I'm not going to criticize what I don't understand. However, I've never been the type of person who was willing to be in a relationship simply for the sake of it. One night stands are a different story though because both of you have an understanding going into it; You're both using each other as a means of physical release, and then you go your seperate ways.

That's not having a relationship. That's having fun.

That being said, you have to know the type of person you are if you're ever going to be with someone you can have a relationship with. Or even just have fun with for that matter. Finding someone like you really isn't an issue in my opinion. There's an old saying " Birds of a feather flock together." It's an old saying for a reason. It's true. It's been my experience that you don't have to go out looking for someone who has the same feelings you do because nature has a way of attracting you to people who share the same one's. You both may have different reasons for those same feelings, but that shouldn't be an issue that stands in your way. Societies rules however CAN get in the way sometimes, and if that's the case, it's going to have to be up to you as to whether you want those rules to stand in the way of what you really need in life.

People WANT money. It gives them a feeling of security.

People NEED a relationship with someone else because that too gives them security.

If you're on the fence you have to ask yourself which is more important to you RIGHT NOW. This isn't to say that you can't have both a relationship AND money. You certainly can. But if something or someone is standing in your way of having a relationship that you feel has some "meat on the bone" so to speak, more than what money has, you have to find a way to either get around the problem or do away with it altogether. Something tells me that you're ready for a change. Something tells me you'll find a way.

The gypsy in me is going to put it this way: If you've traveled down the same old road to get to where you want to go but you just can't seem to get there because of one obstacle or another, try a different road. And if someone else wants to show you a different road, one where there's no obstacles, you might want to look into it. Just don't assume that they're showing you that road so it will lead to them. It might or might not.

Maybe they just want to be a friend who wants to help you out. Maybe they're looking for more. You're never going to know until you take that leap of faith. And again, something tells me that you're ready to take it.

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