Dead Beat Dads

this is a completely useless vent but I'm really annoyed and I need to get it out


My son, who'll be 18 soonish, had some problems in school last year, now he's running late, and won't graduate for about 2 more years.

As some of you know from my previous threads, he wanted to quit school altogether. Luckily, his highschool had put a cyber program into place, and we were able to get him to continue schooling through this program, and he's doing quite well, and much better than previously.

Now, because of this, his father has to continue paying child support until he graduates.


A whole $45 a week (I know some of you men out there are like WTF? cause thats an extremely low amount for child support by any standards).



Minor history - this man left us when my son was 2 - married his internet girlfriend - never made an effort to spend time with his kid - doesn't care - to me, thats a deadbeat dad, but I NEVER spoke badly about him - I never tried to alienate him from his kid - it was his choice and his families choice not to be involved, they were always welcome in my home. The few times MY SON made the effort to establish a relationship, I encouraged it, but it never went anywhere - I personally haven't even spoken to him in about 10 years

Then he has the nerve to call me today to find out when his support will stop

I explained to him the situation, that our son had some issues, and that likely he'll have to continue paying support for 2 more years and he FLIPPED

thats not child support, thats adult support

Seriously??? What I wanted to say was.....
GET A LAWYER IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD $45 A WEEK FFS

You're never around to know whats going on, you think $45 a week supports a child? It barely feeds him.

No, better yet, YOU THINK THE JOB OF PARENTING STOPS WHEN A KID TURNS 18????

What if he goes to college too? Gonna help pay for that? I don't think so


What I actually said, politely, was, "take it up with the courts, it has nothing to do with me"


Just unbelievable.


Seriously, I dare him to get a lawyer - I would absolutely love to get him in front of a judge and point out how much it costs to raise a kid, how little he's been paying for 16 years - and the fact that he hasn't been any kind of "dad" at all. He'll hang himself.


$45 a week. What a joke.


The sad part is I don't even want his pittance - I just wanted my kid to have a good relationship with his dad.
Guess that plans moot.

What I would do if I only had to pay $45/week. I currently pay $400+/month for 1 child. This guy has it easy, why some people complain about petty things like this is beyond me. Don't get me wrong I will be happy when I don't have to pay anymore, but that's peanuts compared to what some have to pay.

reply to post by SpaDe_


thats exactly my point - my mom works in an office where she does payroll - she said there's not one male that works there and pays child support, that pays less than 50% of their pay

how did he rate? I was too nice and didn't try to get more money except one time and he didn't bother to show up, and they wouldn't issue a bench warrant because I wasn't on welfare - NO LIE

I have no respect for these types of men.

But I really abhor the ones who think they are the greatest when they are not. Those types of dead beats makes my blood boil with rage.

reply to post by Forevever


Wow, I missed two payments which I informed the court about, due to me being unemployed at the time. The first thing they did was suspend my drivers license. When I called the third month because I was still unemployed, I was informed that if I did not make a payment a bench warrant would be issued in my name. This was 10+ years ago, but still I am sure it's not that much different now.

Originally posted by Forevever
A whole $45 a week (I know some of you men out there are like WTF? cause thats an extremely low amount for child support by any standards).

Good Luck!

My daughter got $23 in all of 18 years.

Coming from a Dad and young at 24, he should be ashamed of himself.

He should be giving anything and everything to do the best for his child.

The school and yourself shouldn't have the task of persuading him to stay on, that should be you and his Dad.

It's scandalous, and unfortunately the system fails single mums. Not only does it fail single mums, it pries on them with profiting from loans, insurance, tax and fuel.

I feel for you, I really do, but honestly, we're not all that scared of commitment. Me and my partner are really struggling and are both in University with a 13 month old. We were that desperate for cash last month that we applied for a Wonga loan of £200 at 4,000 APR. They refused us and charged us £70 for the privilige.

Anyway sorry for going off topic, I really hope your son sticks out his education, honestly, if anyone knows it it's me. I didn't finish school but managed to get into college. I finished college thinking I'd get into a decent job but it's not as easy as that, I ended up here there and everywhere. I finally managed to get into University and finish in 3 months. It's not been easy, but believe me, I was going nowhere at one point, refused to listen to anyone. If I can do it, anyone can!

reply to post by SpaDe_


yeah like I said, I was too nice - my older sons father has been to prison several times for not paying child support - I have an order against him for $60 a week in arrears - but he never pays - his original order was vacated when my oldest graduated, and his current arrears are around $13,000

The only reason he ended up in jail was because he had 5 other kids and THEIR MOMS took him to court


I never wanted their money seriously, I know it sounds weird, but I really just always hoped they'd wake up and realize what they were missing. Now, I don't really have "children", I have young adults.... so yeah he's kinda right about that, its adult support - but if he had been around, he'd know the situation. If he had been helpful I might even have dropped the case. If he had been any kind of parent in the beginning, we never would've gone to court at all.

such a shame...I pay support for my 2 young girls, and when my wife and I seperated, we didn't go through court, or CSA or anything because I WANTED to give her the money I do - because it is for the benefit of my kids.
Why more people are not like this, instead dragging their ass through disputes and feigning poverty to get out of giving their kids as much as they can possibly afford is beyond me.
I pay £150 per month for each child (because I know from having seen it that £300 is more than enough to feed and clothe each one per month) and on top of that I buy school uniforms, shoes when there needed, youngest needed glasses - paid half no quibbles. I must commend my ex-wife on being so good as she understands how important it is for kids to see their dad, and I get lots of contact with them which makes me very happy. Not as much as I had obviously but that is irreversible now.
Dads that don't pay what is right and get involved in their childs lives - have no right to call themselves that really have they.

Despite it not working out between us adults - I am a brilliant dad to my kids and nothing else comes above them, not ever...

But that's just it: a lot of people think that the day they turn 18 is when you stop raising your kids. I don't agree, but that's probably what he has in his head.

reply to post by facchino


Props to you - I wish I had picked someone like you for my kids fathers - all I can say is I was young and short sighted (and thought I was in love) - not that I have any regrets, cause my kids are great. Best thing I ever did in my life was raise them. They're good kids. They even had a father figure who blows their real dads out of the water.

You're absolutely right

He should want to know his kid and want to support him. No one should have to tell him to.


For the record, I'm 37, my kids are just about to turn 18 and 20.

reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck


I will say that when my kids turn 18, I will stop giving maintenance payments at that point. But I will still help my kids out directly as much as I can, with University, college, driving lessons etc, but the money at that point stops going to the mother, because the kids are no longer kids and therefore things change.

reply to post by Forevever


Shame its panned out like that, but glad you have a guy who has taken on that role and does it so well...
I am quite an old dad, in that at 35 my kids are 3 and 4, so will be knocking on a bit when they hit college and Uni...

Originally posted by AnIntellectualRedneck
But that's just it: a lot of people think that the day they turn 18 is when you stop raising your kids. I don't agree, but that's probably what he has in his head.

I know.... doesn't that just make you sick....

I don't want the job to ever end - I love being there for my kids.
If life has a purpose, mine was definitely to have them. To raise them. To spend time with them. And I look forward to helping them raise theirs ♥

Originally posted by facchino
reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck

 

I will say that when my kids turn 18, I will stop giving maintenance payments at that point. But I will still help my kids out directly as much as I can, with University, college, driving lessons etc, but the money at that point stops going to the mother, because the kids are no longer kids and therefore things change.

LOL I bet you won't - when my kids are 40 if they called me up for a buck, I'd be right there with the check book

cause they're my kids
and if I have it, and they need it - its theirs

Well op it sais your located in hell, that's why the support is so low. These thing's vary state by state and i'm sure since your living in hell is why you got such a raw deal.

reply to post by Forevever


lol...maybe didnt put it right..
That is precisely what I meant, the money and support for them will be there until I am no longer...but at 18 I will not be handing over the money each month to the mother as I do when they're children. My responsibility for them will never go, nor my support emotionally and financially...

Ill never understand it because im a girl, but if I was a real man, i could never see myself letting my child go without knowing me, without receiving my love and life long guidance.... I am incredibly lucky to have two parents who love and want me... Your ex should be DEEPLY ashamed of himself.

I wish you the best of luck with your son, you sound like a very caring mother.

reply to post by Forevever


Rant away with no apologies.

My sons were 8, 6 and 2 when my husband and I separated due to his substance abuse. We were a middle class family (now extinct but not uncommon at the time).

He disappeared out of their lives forever within a few weeks. I occasionally would get information about where he might be, but the Assistant District Attorney said that while they could file paperwork, the only way to really be sure to get any of the mounting back child support was to hire a private investigator or someone else who could do an asset search before he was notified that they were bringing him to court. I could barely afford to feed my kids at the time, only eating every other day myself. Hiring anybody was out of the question.

Every three of four years, one of my sons might get a birthday card with a $5 bill in it. Despite the low monthly support that the court had ordered, by the time my youngest turned 18 his grand total of child support plus interest in arrears was in excess of $750K.

While I never saw a dime, I am by far the lucky one. He is the one who was far poorer off having no contact with his children. In a truly sad fashion, we learned he passed away a couple of years ago when my son was doing some playing around with ancestry.com.

Having said that, I also know that the courts are filled with fathers who want nothing more than to be great parents to their kids, and struggle to do so from the other side of the courtroom.

As a society, in this and so many other ways, we are failing our children.

Good luck to you, and I hope that both you and your children make it through this challenging time with as little pain and suffering as possible.

reply to post by Open2Truth

While I never saw a dime, I am by far the lucky one.

I could not agree with you more.

I also feel like I'm the lucky one. As I said before, it makes me really sad that they missed out on these amazing kids.


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I'd like to thank all of you for your kind words of support, as well as for sharing your experiences in the system. I hesitated to start this thread here - being a little bit on the personal side, and not sure how it would come across to people - I'm not always good with my words when I'm emotional - I even feel a little foolish letting him get to me - but I'm so glad I did post it now.

You've all helped me here, whether you know it or not, and I do feel better.

Much Love ♥