Suicide - the question of whether to intervene

Hey guys,

This morning I was presented with a quandary. An ex-girlfriend (five year ex girlfriend) contacted me as soon as I logged in to facebook. She was talking crazy, about having recently eaten two handfuls of aspirin and how she was throwing up. I've spoken with her in the recent past about her depression and loneliness and tried to help in any way I could, but the fact is I'm 800 miles away. I immediately started questioning my ethics, what should I do?

Personally I'm a huge advocate of an individual's right to do anything they want. In the past I've thought about this question as a hypothetical and eventually reached the conclusion that it was best to just say goodbye if that's what they truly want. As Hunter S. Thompson said: "I'd feel real trapped if I didn't know that I could commit suicide at any moment".

Since I didn't have her parent's phone number or even address all I could do was call the police department. I immediately felt guilty. My internal motto has always been "never ever, ever, ever, ever, call the police ever". She'll of course be in legal trouble, hospital bills, ect. Maybe I just #ed her life up even worse.

The deciding factor for me was her 3 year old child. I didn't want to ever run into that kid and be able to say "I could have stopped your mother from killing herself, but hey, that's what she wanted". I also decided that since she chose to contact me it was her attempt at crying for help at the last moment. I just got a FB message from her sister thanking me, I guess she was unconscious when the police and emt's kicked her door in.

The question is: was I right to intervene? Should I have just said goodbye instead of helping her with legal troubles and medical bills? I obviously tried to talk her down but it didn't really matter, she had taken the pills some time before speaking to me.

reply to post by badfish420


you should definitely talk to her but still let her make her own choice
hope that helps

In this case, I'd say you did the right thing. The two deciding factors for me would have been the kid and the fact that she was obviously reaching out for help. If I was ever going to kill myself I definitely wouldn't tell anyone. To me, suicide is selfish only if you have people who depend on you. I have a 7 month old daughter and the thought of not being in her life is gut wrenching to me. If I wasn't married and didn't have a child, suicide wouldn't seem very selfish at all.

Talk too her, remind her of good times and anything happy, push her in the right direction then let her make her own choice

this is a hard one.
i think ill have to be in that situation to make an abrupt decision.

reply to post by badfish420


Yes, you were 100 percent right in what you did. Due to her depression it's my opinion that she wasn't in her right mind and couldn't think straight. Her FB message to you was a cry for help.

Take care,
S.L.

reply to post by badfish420


Ethics? My goodness man! Call 911 or a friend/relative near her to get her to a hospital.
Freedom of choice is not in question here.
She is calling out for help.

Otherwise she would have never mentioned it.

Rapid Response!!!! Now!

Originally posted by Wildmanimal
reply to post by badfish420

 

Ethics? My goodness man! Call 911 or a friend/relative near her to get her to a hospital.
Freedom of choice is not in question here.
She is calling out for help.

Otherwise she would have never mentioned it.

Rapid Response!!!! Now!

I agree, especially if she has a 3 year old child...

There are two types of persons who decide to commit suicide, in a simple way...

First :I want to commit suicide, and nothing going to stop me...
This person can not be helped and will most likely succeed.

Second: i want to commit suicide, but im not sure thats the right solution...
This person will cry for help in the last moment, before or during the suicide attempt.

You allready know this, but you did the right thing, you helped the second person, who actually wanted the help..

Hope she will be allright, your reward from me is small, but S+F

Thanks guys. Yeah I feel like I did the right thing, hopefully her family will help her ass. I agree, obvious call for help.

(to the guy suggesting I should call the police, I suggest you read the full post

reply to post by badfish420


I would say you made the right choice. Why? First, she could have been silent about it and just died, but she was too scared of death calling out to you for help. Second, even though it doesn't seem my generation can afford to raise children, it would have been very selfish for her to do that to the child.

My generation has very little hope for the world right now and at the same time very little opportunity to run their own lives. Most of my generation must depend on others to continue their existence, a state that causes great desperation. I will of course admit to suicide coming across my mind quite a few times, but I have found one or two realistic potential hopes to help me with this generational depression. I know I have to see this through to the end no matter what the outcome might be. I don't use ANY drug to reduce or inhibit my depression. In my understanding I must not drown out any feeling so as to absorb the meaning of every event no matter how depressing or awkward.

Most of the older generations still don't truly know how bad it is for my generation. We currently don't have the capability to move forward in "life" like previous generations could. We can't "take off" from the nest like previous generations due to a lack of fuel to do so and at the same time feathers begin to drop off from our frail wings due to the loss of so much hope. Some of us blame ourselves, but the wise among us know that it is most certainly not our fault. I'm not truly blaming anyone for this as it is the system, not people, that limits us and we must find a way to overcome it. However, remember that the older generations, if they survive, will come to the eventual realization of what was done to us and how they were pathetically blinded to the truth. Perhaps there may still be forgiveness at that point, but remember it will not come easy and you should be EXTREMELY happy if we do as it will not come easy to us.

As for hope... perhaps Ron Paul will win the election and survive long enough to show people the light. However, there are a great many special interests that don't wish that to be the case and he may be assassinated due to this. All it takes is a single well placed bullet to end a great hope. Perhaps there will be another potentially greater hope, but this remains to be seen.

Out of all of this remember that my generation has very few resources to do much of anything other than barely making our voices heard and even that can come at a great price to us. A few of us will stay no matter the cost, but remember by the time things become truly dramatic in the "public" (MSM) eye it will already be too late for my generation to do much about it. All we have is our youth and even that isn't worth much anymore due to this system. The older generations may think they have it bad, but the youth always takes the first punches and the harder they are the harder it is for us to recover from them.

Please don't screw around, we just don't have the time for it.

By the way I'm 21 and going to the local community college. My grandparents are paying for it and I wouldn't be going if it wasn't for that. I'm not dumb enough to go into debt for a worthless piece of paper. If things do recover, they won't be the same and those pieces of paper will have little relevance compared to their cost. It is additionally worthless to me due to me being the type of individual who thrives on opportunity not previously established structures.

I know there are rough times ahead but don't you DARE assume my generation as being partly responsible as we are not the ones who created or supported this system. We will continue on trying to move forward as best we can, but remember we lose a little hope every time it fails.

I do hope the best for everyone in these times and I do hope Ron Paul wins, it would certainly make things a little easier.

Edit: Starred and Flagged for what you did.

In this scenario, I would say that you did in fact do the correct thing. This was a women that did not want to take her own life, but saw no other solution to her problems. The fact that she contacted you before-hand proves that she really just wanted some help, not to kill herself. With people like this the best way to help is to help personally, in any way you can. Even just handing the person $20 can help, because the gesture of someone looking out for them and someone that they could fall back on gives them hope, not the actual help.
Now if you found out this person wanted to kill themselves by reading their diary, or rummaging through their stuff, or some other hidden means, and tried to stop them, you would have chosen the wrong choice. If there is no call for help, then they do actually want to die, and it is their choice to do that. Stopping them in this scenario would be wrong and chances are that they are just going to do it again, only now their life would be even worse.
In this situation, however, you made the right choice. She wanted help in any form, and you gave it. Congrats.

reply to post by badfish420


In my view, you were absolutely right to intervene. That she contacted you shows that her intension is more to find someone who cares enough to try to make her stop than to actually put an end to her life.

If her intention was to put an end to her life, she would have done so in silence.

Human life is extremely precious and we should do all in our power to preserve it for as long as possible. Regardles of in who's-ever body that life is. Safe it!!!

You did real good man! That little child will count you a blessing to the rest of his/ her life, if he/she knew what you did.