The Rocky Path [YWC]

The Rocky Path [YWC]
Destiny, what does that word mean? According to the Encarta dictionary; English version of North America, it is somebody’s preordained future. It is the thread that the famed Greek’s attributed to the Fates of another world, they were the ones who determined your lot in life, and they were the ones who cut that thread at the conclusion of that life. It is said that not even the most powerful being on Earth or on Olympus would trifle with the Fates. I guess to me that was just a challenge I could not resist.

When I was very young, you see, I could see things that would come to be. At the start of my life, I felt helpless and powerless against it, as everything I had seen had come to be, no matter what I tried to do. I struggled with the concepts of fate, destiny, and free will. It became a continual struggle in my life. I became obsessed with esoteric teachings. I was being raised Catholic anyway, which is very much ritualistic to a certain extent anyway. I was knee deep in ancient Egyptian and Greek Mythology. I was enraptured by the awesome stories. Then I learned of the Fates. It was in fifth grade, I believe. Most of the other stuff I had learned about Greek Mythology came from whatever was on TV or in some books my mother had on the bookshelf, yet until fifth grade, I knew nothing of the Fates. This concept intrigued me so much, given my talents. And here’s the kicker, my teacher made that comment about no Gods or humans wanting to mess with the Fates for fear of horrid retribution. Well I will tell you what that did to me. Well it just made me want to prove that the Fates did not exist, that I was a free agent and that nothing decides what MY life is going to be!!! I was old enough, too, to start being rebellious. And rebellious I was! And I was as stubborn as an ox. I knew the weapon I would use, and I knew how to use it. Foreknowledge was the weapon that I wielded.

Now where this foreknowledge came from is anybody’s guess. I certainly blamed God or the Gods, but I knew what gift they may have given me, I could turn it around on them. Maybe it wasn’t any God or Gods; maybe it was a collective consciousness, or the akashic records, or the book of life, as in the Talmud. It was something that one of my Jewish friends had told me about. I was also intrigued by this information. I even considered Judaism for a split second because of that concept of the book of life. However, maybe it wasn’t a gift at all; maybe I was just accessing some universal record or consciousness against the will of whatever creator/creators there are. Maybe I already was trifling with the Fates and didn’t even realize it. Did I stop, no, I didn’t even intend to, it wasn’t like I went to sleep with the intention of gazing into my future life, no it wasn’t, I actually wanted to not see, but I did make it worse. When things started to be noticeable about these dreams, the differences between them and the normal dreams everyone has, I started to notice every aspect, so that when an event came up, I could do something differently. Say an off the wall remark or even avoid the event completely. I became quite adept in doing this. Whomever it was I was trifling with, they hadn’t taken notice, at least not right away. So I thought “Yeah, freewill does exist, the future can be known and it can be changed.” I had done it. The problem is the events were very insignificant at first. Or so it had seemed. I do believe now though, that whatever path you chose for yourself was chosen by your highest spirit, or to put it plainly, it is destined by you, for you to learn the lessons you need to learn. And I will tell you, kind reader, since you have stayed on so very long to read this, why.

Did you ever hear of the Butterfly Effect? I don’t mean the movie, no, but the concept that was put forth in that movie. It is stated in Chaos theory as the sensitive dependence on initial conditions; where a small change at one place in a nonlinear system can result in large differences to a later state. What choices you make today do affect your future and the future of generations to come. (en.wikipedia.org...) How do I know? Well because of my special ability, and my very special attitude, I have changed many things in my lifetime that should have been destined. Almost every single foresight or premonition, whatever you may want to call it, I changed, purposely and with intent. It’s affected me and everyone around me in so many ways I can’t even begin to go into. But, to me, it’s been made very clear; one should NOT mess with the Fates or Destiny, or whatever you may want to call it. Freewill can be more a curse than a gift. My life is not a happy one, I have found answers, but at what cost? I have my spirituality, but I lost my heart, because of stubborn rebellion. Now I can no longer see anything unless it pertains to Death.

Yes, the one thing you can never change. That is true, as sure as I am standing here; I can tell you, when your whistle is blown, honey, you are clocking out. There is no changing that little monkey! I have tried, and failed every time, miserably. And now he taunts me, Death, he loves to taunt me. It’s my retribution for tempting fate. It’s very unfortunate that there is nobody to come and clean up the mistakes you make when you go against fate. There is no “Adjustment Bureau” like that movie. Oh how I wish there was. But that is for another time.

This is my special story about what drew me to the Pagan religion. As you can probably see there are not many religions that would fit into my beliefs and my actual experiences. Paganism is the only thing that I can pretty much use parts of this or that religion along with the pagan beliefs and have a hodgepodge, patchwork tapestry of beliefs. It is the only religion so far that lets me decide what I take with me and what I toss away. Also, I have seen the power of magic. I have used it to do my bidding when I was young and foolish, and half cocked, and let me tell you; in my case it did work more than a few times. Those half cocked ones were whoppers, too. I didn’t know enough about the power to realize that I was messing with some very tender matters. There is no fixing it, either. But I learned and I do better now. I learned about the rule of three and the Wiccan creed “Do what ye will, but harm none”. I am still paying for the half cocked hexes and spells to this very day. More ripples caused by my butterfly.

Then there is the paranormal. Which I am so obsessed with as well. This led me to delve into Quantum Physics Theories. I still have more questions than answers. The main question being where did my predictions come from? And Why? If I was not supposed to change anything, then why did I know how to see it? Also I wonder if this also proves or disproves the many worlds’ theory? I mean did I change things so bad that maybe I shifted to another reality, or did I change things so much I just screwed up the reality I am in? To me though, because of my tampering, I am truly a stranger in a strange land. And I believe that I will have to live at least one more lifetime to fix it all. Thank God I believe in Reincarnation.

So now that we reached the end of this tale, this rocky road we travelled together friend, do you wonder what my lesson was to be, why my fate was to be different then what I made it? I will tell you, it’s the same for every single person on this Earth, to love without fear, without restraint, to give of yourself when it is truly love. In other words, to put your heart on the line when the stakes are the highest. You are the sacrificial lamb; you are to love that which scares you the most. That is the simple truth. To love the one thing that can harm you most, that is the thing that will truly bring you back to The One.

Very well written. I can relate to your entry, as my own path delved into many "arcane" beliefs.

"The truth is out there." SnF.

reply to post by ldyserenity


SnF. Very well stated. I also agree that life is a journey.

How are you enjoying ATS so far? I remember when you first joined. It's nice to see others with excellent writing skills.

reply to post by Stefri


Thank you very much. I am glad you enjoy my writing. And I have enjoyed ATS very much. Sometimes so much I don't get any of my work done. Lol.

reply to post by Druid42


Druid, I thank you for the kind words. So glad you enjoyed my writing.

reply to post by ldyserenity


There is no butterfly effect. Everything is predetermined. You can't change a single thing in this universe.

Why?

A) You would have to be able to add or subtract energy from the Universe. The law of conservation of energy prohibits you from doing so.

B) Everything that ever has ever happened and will happen in the Universe is a result of all things being connected to the singularity of the Big Bang where energy is trapped in a domino effect, the antithesis of the butterfly effect which is absolutely rubbish.


There are no possible multiple outcomes.


Your physics teachers lied to you.