What time we have......who we are after it all

A rising star upon my sleeping eyes casts its light into my slumbered soul. I Open wide and take in the vast morning, dwarfing my very being by the glory of its radiant warmth...It's all encompassing completeness....juxtaposed by my little mind...my little spirit...my smallness...

I rise from my bed, and feel my body ache in every echo of yesterdays labor....The satisfaction of my pure and honest work dwarfed by the pain of my changing body morning after morning....Youth leaves and old age... enters wrinkle by unnoticed wrinkle....1 gray hair at a time....1 scar ...1 new pain....day by day....My life is slipping from me drop by drop.....as if I were hung after the hunt over a bucket filled with my pooling blood....I feel as I have been hunted and tired and exhausted from running this way or that.....I finally fell as prey....I am caught in a trap and don't even have the energy to escape....every breath is a battle until I can breathe no longer...until the weight of my own flesh drowns me......then I wake up and sigh....smile at the sun still lingering in my window....I rise and now not in a slow dream of consciousness...but in a fast free fall back into reality....bills come to mind....my child and her love...her needs for the day....lunch....my mother's face that morning she was late to work after she left my father and became the earner in the family.....my wife and her silly pajamas....by the time I am dressed and running to work....I realize today is some holiday.....decorations....Christmas....I snicker to myself as I listen to the lame music playing over head from an open window.....I open the door to work and walk in....it's all auto pilot from here on out.....every now and then I nudge awake long enough to find a reason to smile...I see someone I care about and follow a bright chain of thought to its fruition and its logical end...My friends....nostalgia over comes me....how long has it been?.....we all work too much and have too much responsibility to just hang around each other like before.,...life is different.......I walk out the door....on my way home.....I am coming to again....I am fully awake now....I walk in my front door....The first I see is my kid.....those eyes.....that heartfelt smile.....she made me something....it's cool...she made it for me....I toss it on the table next to my other treasures she crafted in my honor....Dinner is great.....I am still thinking of my kids face while I swallow the last bite off my plate that my wife filled to the top with all the love of a mother.....I see her in my wife.....she loves me so much......I realize this is important....this moment....I try and hold on to it as long as possible .... then I am asleep again and I drift off into worlds I know of only in the few seconds as I rise again to see the sun is still there on my window....did I wake up before....SH•#/ I am late.....yeah I did....what was I thinking of....yeah.....now I remember.....my wife's hand was in mine.....I held it....she held it back and I fell asleep again....she tends to do that to me...I feel so.....I don't know what when I am with her....It's all ok....everything.....my love fills everything I miss in this world.....I hear my daughter awake....no school....wait its Sunday....I have another hour.....I feel my wife's hand in mine still.....I drift back to sleep.....today will be ok,.....I wake up again.....I am me again.....what time is it.....is this a dream again......it's nice......hmmmm what do I want for breakfast.....what time is it???

My time is a life in a dream world.....my magic has not faded away....that boy I was still plays in the empty halls of my soul....His games still entertain me....His genius and simplicity still leaves me with wanting awe....The star is setting.....My slumber releases me from my cage and in my vivid dreaming I feel closer to that illusive reality to which I must return....I must become who I am....my role must be filled....time here is a play thing....time there is so important.....I wish to return.....my wish is.....tomorrow....I want to feel small again......I want to see the sun....just for a moment again....it's a miracle.....

I wonder if my wife's hand is still in mine..........

reply to post by newyorkee


Was about to skip your post as it looked like another 'block of text'.

But your work is beautiful and in it I saw a reflection of myself.

Thank you.

reply to post by newyorkee

This post was amazing, it felt so real and bravo to you for pouring your heart and soul out.

Peace and love