Things women should know about men

Inspired by another thread here, I've decided to compile a comprehensive list of things women should know about men. Disclaimer: I did not come up with these. I also don't agree with all of them. Note: they are all labeled #1 on purpose!

1 - If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us, we refuse to answer.

1 - Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

1 - Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

1 - Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1 - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.

1 - Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1 - Do not ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.

1 - Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1 - Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1 - When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1 - You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

1 - Crying is blackmail.

1 - Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

1 - Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Please just come out and say it!

1 - No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Reminds us frequently beforehand.

1 - Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we`d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1 - Yes and No are both perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1 - A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1 - Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

1 - Check your oil. Please. The red light is not supposed to come on. It is not a reminder light. It is a $5000 IDIOT Light.

1 - Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

1 - Anything said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1 - If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1 - If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1 - Let us ogle. We are going to look anyways; it's genetic.

1 - Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

1 - You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1 - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1 - Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

1 - Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

1 - The relationship is never going to be like it was in the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends - like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.

1 - All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit, We have no idea what mauve is.

1 - If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1 - If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage.

1 - We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1 - If we ask what is wrong and you say *nothing*, we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

1 - What the hell is a doily?

reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi


Totally bookmarking this thread and throwing a few of those up on my facebook status.

My favorite -

1 - Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her

NOOO to short hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i dub thee king of all men.

reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi

Very funny, thanks for posting! As you mention, I also don't agree with a few but for the sake of humour they are all valid male responses. I will admit to not being that good with directions but will never admit it.

"It's the scenic route! It takes a little longer but has a better view." *drives round in circles, completely lost, for hours but never admitting it or asking for directions*

I would hope a female member chips in with their side of the "argument".

two words: long hair

1 - Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1 - Do not ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.

1 - A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Have to exclude myself from these, I'm not a knuckle dragger, and my lady doesn't play those kind of games, but other than these the list is pretty accurate.

Now I'm going to get in an argument for agreeing with any of these.

I find this funny, however i can say i am glad to be a lesbian. I like long hair as well but i myself have that sinead/ Demi moore look. But i pull it off because my head is nice and round LOL. You know i would imagine for men and even myself that boobs have more of a significance then hair does..just saying lol.

reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi


Dear KnightwhosaysNi,

While much of what you say is dead on , you left out the positives. Ladies, we really do like it when you care about us. We really are trying to think about how to make you happy because when you are sad, we feel it in our hearts. Ladies, no matter what you think, we like it when you act like ladies rather than trying to imitate us, we like how you are different than us. A song that expresses how we feel is in the link below. Peace.

Eric Clapton- Wonderful Tonight

Originally posted by LightSpeedDriver
reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi

 

I would hope a female member chips in with their side of the "argument".

edit on 21/12/11 by LightSpeedDriver because: Typo

I know there is a women's version of that somewhere. Maybe I'll find it later, unless someone else would like to do the honors?

Originally posted by lacrimrosa
reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi

 

i dub thee king of all men.

'Tis a dubious honor to be named king of men. Alas I shall wear thy crown with glory and honor. It's good to be King. Haha!

Originally posted by buni11687
reply to post by KnightwhosaysNi

 

Totally bookmarking this thread and throwing a few of those up on my facebook status.

My favorite -

1 - Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her

NOOO to short hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

That is so funny because I've always had long hair and the last guy I dated tried EVERYTHING to get me to cut it short! (I didn't). So I'm glad to see that some guys like it long

reply to post by angellicview

Can I disappoint you by saying that some guys (myself) are probably so desperate and lonely that we are just happy if you have a head? No? Ok...
*saunters off with slouched shoulders, feeling dejected*

Originally posted by concerned24
I find this funny, however i can say i am glad to be a lesbian. I like long hair as well but i myself have that sinead/ Demi moore look. But i pull it off because my head is nice and round LOL. You know i would imagine for men and even myself that boobs have more of a significance then hair does..just saying lol.

You imagine that and you are totally right.

BTW I also think Natalie Portman pulled it off pretty well in V for Vendetta. But whenever a girl I know asks about getting a haircut I tell her NO haha

Originally posted by LightSpeedDriver
reply to post by angellicview

 

Can I disappoint you by saying that some guys (myself) are probably so desperate and lonely that we are just happy if you have a head? No? Ok...
*saunters off with slouched shoulders, feeling dejected*

Wow this bummed me out real bad haha. I can rest assured you're not datin any headless chicks though right?

reply to post by Hawking

Welcome to my world. I live in a country where I know not a single human being. No friends, but also no enemies. A Stranger In A Strange Land, if you will.
ETA Put differently, I do not date.

reply to post by Hawking


speaking of Ol Natty..Idk if you saw Black Swan But if you havent id recommend you do and just skip to the sex scene with her and mila kunis. Mila has quite the bad side to her. Im really more of a Eliza Dushku Fan though. Hardcore Brunettes..what else could you really want?lol

reply to post by angellicview

That is so funny because I've always had long hair and the last guy I dated tried EVERYTHING to get me to cut it short! (I didn't).

I honestly dont know what to say.....I could never ask a woman to cut her hair short

I'll go with what LightSpeed said after your post......(I now have slouched shoulders to)

Wonderful OP! BUMPED, doctored, and sent along to all the guys.
I think the gals will need a strong sense of humor for some of the
treatments; but after all we Martians ARE wired differently lol.

Blessed be,
I have to ask : What IS a doily?

Namasté

reply to post by KhaliWitch

It is a decorative lace cloth

I have always hated ridiculous joke lists, such as this one, that supposedly speak for all men. I don't find them amusing and funny; I find them offensive. No man speaks for all men.