I am too Young for this: A Biography

This post is to describe why I am here on these boards, spamming my crazy messages which are perhaps riddled with things you don't agree with. If you want to know why I am doing this, I'll outline it here. For every mind outside yours that you understand, your understanding of your own mind grows.

I am just a child really, 25. I have my doubts about what I post, I know I get alot of stuff wrong. Sometimes I think that there are already people doing what I am doing but doing it so much better that relatively my writings are like a deformed stillborn-survivor baby brother. I worry at times if what I am writing could cause hurt, this troubles me the greatest. But at the end of the day I know that I am just doing my best, to help catalyze the coming shift. Even if my weapon of mass construction explodes in my face, It will not be in vain as long as it helped a single person, or if it inspires someone else to say "I could do that alot better".

I have ready many books, sciences, scriptures, fantasies, and experienced so much that it is hard to pinpoint where someone else should go to understand my paradigm, but there are two books that stand out the most.
Terence Mckenna "The 'Stoned Ape' Theory of Human Evolution"
Lewis Thomas "The Lives of a Cell"

Read those for they say what I am saying but not in so few words. But I know alot of you are bibliophages and could read these up in a day or two.

The story of my life: I'll tell you everything so you can pick my brain if it pleases you. There is nothing too special here just the life of a child.

I was born an American in Texas. I was entered into a gifted program for students. Me and my friends were all alike, creative and unique. Separating us from the normal kids only encouraged us to be weird and different. Once I had reached the 6th grade I was moved to Louisiana, and enrolled in regular class. This was an alien world to me, people spoke of footballs, armwrestling, the mason dixon line, and many more strange pointless concepts. I was alienated by my classmates right off the bat, and was at the bottom of the pecking order. I couldn't get any girls to like me, which hurt my childish ego. I did all I could to make it, experiencing and living. Mostly I was filled with contempt for the world. Life sucks, and then you die. That was what I saw. Eventually I graduated and went to college. There I managed to ease my pain with multiple doses daily of some herb. I played tons of video games and did just enough to pass my classes. I majored in business, to make money. I was really good at this competition style of life. I could have made alot of money if my mindset hadn't changed, this would have spelled stagnation for my spirit. After graduating, I joined the petshop to assist my grandmother. Working there I found I could use my business skills to make money, and I wouldn't have to suffer much in terms of guilt for ripping people off. I could have went into selling insurance or some such garbage, but I felt it was better for my conscious to work for less money at the petshop. I was practicing effeciency, and I soon found that my meager paycheck was more than enough to make me happy and fullfilled. I had met a girl in college, our meeting was borderline destiny. My first college girlfriend I had scared away with my selfishness and slacker attitude, and while this devistated me, I wouldn't have met my true love if it hadn't. This next girl I speak of was strange, she expressed her inner child to me. I was still somewhat of a douchebag while we were meeting, but her compassion was so great she instead of telling my how I was a bad boyfriend, she taught me how to be a good boyfriend. She is still at college while I worked at the petshop, and she found some books at the bookfair for cheap and took them to me. The books I mention above were two. I read them and learned so much from them. I had found a temporal enlightenment, I was content with the world and my home and my life and love. I could easily had just lived out the rest of my days there.

But ATS and destiny would have it another way. I started reading here after graduating college. The stuff I read was horrible, and as much as I wanted to not believe it, the evidence was too overwhelming. I could reject most of the material, but there would always be a sliver I could not, and this sliver pointed to the other pieces and said "If I am true, then some of these are true too" It led to a chain of affirmations that brought me to a dark place. The world was suffering, and from a human perspective, it was in fact dying. I read and read and finally had some sort of grasp on why and how it was happening. Still this was only enough to comfort me and make me content, not enough to bring me here to type and spam. But then it happened. I ate a burrito. A bad burrito. This burrito started with stomach pained and climaxed with a confusing near-death-esque experience. It connected me to the universe I think, if only for a moment. When I awoken from my stupor, I starting having these thoughts about this weapon of mass construction. It was an idea that could unite humanity. A way to unite even the most stubborn rivals, the most savage religions, the most evil governments and mafias. The world was inevitably going to unite, and I had this feeling that every second we stagnate is like another eternity we are missing out on. I wanted to catalyze the change in paradigms, I wanted to heal others to heal myself, I had this delusion of grandeur to save the world, and instead of sitting on it saying 'bad ego, bad human' I said lets bring it on! The universe loves communication, whether right or wrong, true or false! It loves me and you, and it loves evolving! Lets all help it evolve! Make your own weapon of mass construction to reach the ignorant masses and bring them the wisdom of king solomon!! Communicating Love = Living Communicating Death = Dying

so basically you had an "awakening." Always good to hear as i myself find alot of my friends and family still need to go through this experience, and i try to help facilitate that change as well, but think of how hard it is to even change yourself let alone someone else.......but that doesnt meant that they cant be influenced.


Good post

reply to post by facewhatly


Thank you for spending your valuable time reading this. I put it up for myself, not expecting anyone to read it really. I feel striving for change in yourself is the best way to achieve change for the world, Let others change your mind so you can change the mind of others so they can change your mind again so you can change their minds so.....yeah

I dig your post. I was wondering about you're awakening though. Did it happen when your girlfriend gave you the books? Or was it after the bad-burrito incident?

Dear ATS Member-

I agree. "Let's bring it on!"

I, too, have had a revelation. I too wanted to save the world. It CAN be done.

One person at a time, but the catch is.......that person is yourself. It is hard, and I am definitely not perfect! lol, but seriously, we do need to start with ourselves.

I have noted what aspects of my person need attention, such as my impatience, lack of organization in the home (believe me, I have piles EVERYWHERE) to how I interact with people. EVERY thought/action can have a positive or negative result. But, if those thoughts/actions are backed with love/compassion/caring/hope.....oh the possibilities. I have begun within the last few months to really look at how I interact with the world. In my case the world is about 20 miles in diameter. My job, home, shopping places, gas stations, schools..etc.

I work at a McDonald's. I have been employed there for 5 years (due to life changes not my college degree btw).
I started in grill and became a "grill-dog" (which means awesome under pressure) and then the most complimented drive-thru and counter order taker. My response to those people is " I remember how it was on the "other side of the counter" and how I wish I had been treated". Just a smile and kind word never left any scars on anyone, but scowls and nastiness....those hurt for a long time. To deliberately cause another pain because of a bad attitude or action or word...seriously. We are better than that.

Don't be the example. Be the standard of excellence in all you set out to do. Thank you M.H. for your inspirational words. Be grateful that you didn't have to wait until you were 43 to figure it out.

Originally posted by MemeticHarvest
But then it happened. I ate a burrito. A bad burrito. This burrito started with stomach pained and climaxed with a confusing near-death-esque experience. It connected me to the universe I think, if only for a moment. When I awoken from my stupor, I starting having these thoughts about this weapon of mass construction. It was an idea that could unite humanity. A way to unite even the most stubborn rivals, the most savage religions, the most evil governments and mafias. The world was inevitably going to unite, and I had this feeling that every second we stagnate is like another eternity we are missing out on. I wanted to catalyze the change in paradigms, I wanted to heal others to heal myself, I had this delusion of grandeur to save the world, and instead of sitting on it saying 'bad ego, bad human' I said lets bring it on! The universe loves communication, whether right or wrong, true or false! It loves me and you, and it loves evolving! Lets all help it evolve! Make your own weapon of mass construction to reach the ignorant masses and bring them the wisdom of king solomon!! Communicating Love = Living Communicating Death = Dying

I think we can all identify with this. Especially the bad burrito. For me it was sushi, but bad is bad, and whatever it takes to transcend a person is what it takes.

You may want to work a different side of the street though. This forum is up to its ass in prophets and messiahs, and some of these street corners have been claimed property for some time now.

Oh, what the hell, pull up a parking meter and start shaking your change tin. The traffic isn't great, but it's focused. Just don't be crowding in on me. I'm no holy man. Believe me.

reply to post by NorEaster


Thank you, I suddenly feel a little less crazy knowing I am not the only one who has had this kind of experience. I had the experience after the bad burrito. I almost felt stupid writing that, like 'noone will take me seriously if I write this' but I feel absolute honesty is the only way to go with stuff life this as long as it follows t&c.

You guys are changing the world with communication, some of you realize it, some of you just think its a fun forum to use as a platform for intellectual hobbies. Either way we all win.

Maybe in a few years, if the world is still in the state it is now (I am doubting this) I will make a second attempt at this project with more experience, thought, and inspiration to add to the mix.

I have found something interesting about posting my ramblings here, which is, even if noone replies or views it, it pulls the idea I write from the background to the foreground of my mind, over days the idea stews and inconsistancies slowly work themselves out. Throwing ideas into the public for scrutiny has a good effect on the ideas, regardless of the outcome.

My goal here is to create a message that has the power to convince my old self of the truth of the world. I may not be able to convince any other demographics, race, religion, phylosophical platform, or anything like that. I can imagine being able to go back in time to convince my former self of this. The way I explain the story of life and how the truth connects all the random facts and inconsistancies and enigmas I was experiencing in the world. If I can change myself, I have a chance at changing others, and by extrapolation of this continued self replicating memetic process, change the world.

reply to post by MemeticHarvest

I can imagine being able to go back in time to convince my former self of this. The way I explain the story of life and how the truth connects all the random facts and inconsistancies and enigmas I was experiencing in the world. If I can change myself, I have a chance at changing others, and by extrapolation of this continued self replicating memetic process, change the world.

Nice.

... but makes me

From what I've heard though - once you've "come down" (so to speak) from your ... "awakening" - be prepared to feel pretty lonely over the following months.


But here you should find some people to at least console with.

Just mho though - just as NE said - try not to fall into the "I Am the nEw meSsiah" trap.
We need some spiritual-bs-free clarity on this board.


Good Luck

Ditto! I am 25 and sometimes I think I would have lived a normal life if I went after money and such nonsense. But I took this direction and there is no way I could turn back. Ignorance is bliss. Knowing something is fate. Fate unites people here. Once we start to think that most part of life is not really worth doing, enlightenment begins.

People look for amusements and are happy with it. I have no peers who could relate my mindset at this level. Everyone is disconnected happily and they are addicted to it. They will see us as a nuisance. Society does insane things but when we try to correct it, we supposedly become the insane.

reply to post by MemeticHarvest


No problem OP, i find your post alot more, oh how shall we put this, tasteful than many others on this website. keep it up

Reading your thoughts was amazingly refreshing because they sounded REAL. Nothing annoys me more than when people get on these threads and create fabricated identities to justify their ideological stances on topics.

I am who I am, for anyone interested read my bio, it is all true and I put it out there, so it is free game for people to dissect, if they care to. I am here, just like you to be constructive, develop ideas, generate thoughts, challenge opinions, change minds or at least give people other options In their way of thinking.

I chuckled at the bad burrito epiphany, but hey, if that burrito was what did it for you, then awesome! I think there are many people out there that might need to have a bad burrito experience!

You are talented, keep writing, I will be listening.