My recent "Near Death Experience"

My wife and I were in a major retail store, and she was rifling through summer clothing they currently had on clearance. My attention was diverted partially towards amusing myself, and moving out of the way of the group of middle age women headed my way. One in particular was talking a lot louder than she should have been, so the topic of the conversation wasn't a mystery to anyone within 40 feet of her. About the same time this woman proclaimed "We don't eat breakfast around my house very much" and passed me, my wife mumbled something that I didn't quite catch. Trying to be the clever one, in response to what the woman had just said, I leaned over towards my wife & said just loud enough for her to hear "You couldn't tell it by looking at the size of that a$$". At that moment, it was almost as if the world froze in motion. My wife's emerald green eyes narrowed, framed by her black hair, and my blood ran cold. She didn't flinch, she didn't blink, but if looks could kill they would have been announcing "Cleanup on aisle 10". It seemed like twenty minutes passed before I broke my gaze with what seemed to be a cold seething cauldron of hate. I leaned back over & asked, did you hear what that lady said??? She snapped back - "NO - DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID????"...."No", I replied, "What DID you say?". She said "I held up a pair of these bottoms and said that I liked that style, but they were seven sizes too big"

I almost died. Twice.

Gentlemen....listen to your wives before making snide comments.

A much needed laugh! Been there, done that.

S&F for you friend!

reply to post by sykickvision


Brilliant.

Sounds like a position i'd get myself into.

reply to post by sykickvision


Whilst checking out a walmart my 7 year loudly asked me why that lady had such a big butt? She heard him...So you can imagine. I shhhhed him but his natural innocent curiosity caused him to keep asking why? So after she left I explained to him etiquette but agreed she did have an extremely large butt. She really did. At least 3 1/2 to 4ft across. If she sat on my 3 year old he would have disappeared entirely.
I really had no explanation to why her butt was so large. Diet Genetics...I just said some people are fat for lots of different reasons.

That is the first time any of my kids have put me on the spot in public.