How change occurs.

Not really sure where this should go so move it where ever you please.

You could call this a story of the last few years of my life. I would like to share with you how I've changed and how it could maybe help you.

At first I stopped being afraid. Stopped being afraid of being hurt physically, letting ago of emotional pain was much harder, stopped being afraid of failing and even stopped being afraid of death.  I realized how much of the time I failed only because I was afraid of failing and thought I couldn't do something. You can truly do the impossible if you truly believe you can and failure just isn't an option.  It's actually quite amazing but after I was no longer afraid I was able to stop being angry. I realized  100% of the time I was angry was because someone was better, more handsome, or cooler then I was.  I realized a lot of my pain comes from the anger at myself for not being the best or most popular. I put myself down a lot. Over time I learned to accept who I am and be happy for others and help / be friendly to those who are less fortunate. I stopped making fun of others or even acknowledging when others made fun of someone. I even stopped thinking negative thoughts about others. I even went as far as not associating myself with people who are ignorant or egoistical. Now I can't say I never judge or make fun of someone in my head but if a thought of that sort does slip into my mind I give it no attention and think deeper into how much pain a single remark can cause someone. This led me to release my fear of, and, emotional pain. I realized we all have it and we only make fun of others to think better of ourselves. We are all human beings and were not perfect. It's such a simple common fraise but who really believes it, who really follows it and puts it into action and forgives all others for their mistakes.  So many people hate on others and make fun of other to try and cure the pain inside themselves. So after I stopped being afraid, stopped being angry at myself and others, stopped judging and started forgiving, I learned how to love. How a simple smile, thank you, or a helpful hand can really lift someone's spirit. I let go of my ego to help change the world. Maybe the ones I help will pay it forward..

But now that I'm not afraid or angry I feel sad almost depressed but at the same time no where near it. It's an extremely strange feeling. If neutral was a feeling that's the word I'd choose.  How can I be happy when there's so much pain and suffering in the world? So many go hungry, cold, afraid for their life every night and day. So much corruption, evil, and greed governing this world. I feel lonely. Why does no one else seem to feel like I do? How can everyone blissfully go day to day giving no attention to anything outside of their own little sphere. Why can't I do that? I've tried with no success. I want to help heal the world but what can I, a 19 year old college student, do stuck in some unethically high priced institution for education, but be a measly positive person? And what am I even learning that I havnt learned lurking the internet? I can only tell you a hand full of things ive learned in the past 5 years of school, and for the past year and half i couldn't tell you a single thing. Well thats kind of a lie, I did learn some things in psychology, not that i could tell you what it was. That knowledge is only used/remembered when a psychology scenario is in front of me. The only thing ive been learning are from the experiences and observing / listening to other people. I can tell you almost an infinite amount of information about the soul and spirituality, but i cant prove any of it is true. So I tried to forget about it, why ponder the forever unknown and actually focus on reality. That just isnt an option anymore. The thoughts forever stuck in my head. Sober high or drunk its all i think about. what am i, is this just a one time thing? When I die, do I die? Whats the point of life? Do I just work my ass off to sit in a nice home old and waiting to die? I do live for the weekend, a vacation, break from work? Why live/thirst for time off from work then just not working at all, or only until you have enough money to travel to a new place / feed yourself. Why experience the same thing everyday waiting for something out of the ordinary to happen. Why not be out of the ordinary and experience as much as you can?

During a college summer program my adviser had us do a presentation on what fear is and some of our fears. At the time my biggest fear was speaking infront of people. But besides that it got me thinking into what fear actually is. It's an impulse from your ego (and instinctive reaction to prevent death?)  If ego and trueself were two different entities in one body ego would sound like " That could hurt us, render us unable to do the things we enjoy or care/ defend ourself  " or " that could embarrasses us, stain our reputation" "don't help/be nice to him(challenged/poor/ unpopular person), people will think were  unpopular/weak/strange" But why are we never afraid of hurting others, only ourselves and our image.  This is why I do not listen to my ego. I believe we are all Connected, we are all one, on some level or Dimension. All of us eternal, immortal, beings of light, love and energy. Our thoughts and actions molding our present and future. This is why I pay no attention to unloving words, stand up against unloving actions. Think and be positive and Loving. But still I remain sad. So we come to the present were I must rid myself of this suffering and realize my Inability to change the world. But what is the root of my suffering? Desire.. The desire for a peaceful healthy safe world. All suffering is caused by desire. I have lost the desire for mostly everything and it all happen seemingly so subtle. It started off by losing the desire to be the best/popular, then to watch tv, then to play video games, then even the desire for a computer. I lost the desire to work all my life just to support a life of desires. I have lost the desire to please my family and friends ( do not confuse this with losing love or respect for them but realizing that doing the things that would please them may not be what i want ). I no longer freak out if I forget my cellphone or have no Internet / social networking /texting. I have even lost the desire to have sex ( although that does not mean I'd pass up the opportunity ). I don't have desires to go out to clubs or parties, most of the time it annoys me when people are wasted sloppy stupid and violent. Ive read “Your body is your temple”. So you need a healthy / clean body to have a healthy soul? Ive stopped drinking soda/ alcohol ( as much ) / smoking cigarettes / eating fatty sugary foods ( as much ) / only drinking water / and stopped doing/eating other things that were toxic / had chemicals / were not natural. Stopped getting all these random vaccines for flus. But what am I really getting at here? Maybe to change the world and end poverty, starvation, war, racism we all need to realize causing pain to others will not cure the pain inside yourself. Maybe if we come together and help each and not hurt and use each other we could have a peaceful prospers society. Why must people be greedy and take more then they need?

reply to post by BelowPublicKnowledge


Congratulations on learning how to "go with the flow," and to not let others steal your joy.

Living a life of fear where you compare yourself to others, what they look like, and what their accomplishments are only takes time away from you doing and accomplishing things for yourself.

Sadly, some people can go through an entire lifetime without making the self discovery that you have!

reply to post by BelowPublicKnowledge


Expressing courage is a step in the right direction. When you fear, the opposite is courage. When you are empty, the opposite is filled. Since you are feeling empty, fill yourself. As you do, you will find that nothing satisfies if you are filling with this world. Love is the answer. When you serve others, you find fulfillment that cannot be taken.

Here is an example. If you smoke, you get cancer. Why? Because you took reward and caused a debt. Debts leave us empty. Follow this to any reward that you take in life and you will find that emptiness is the result. Debt causes a lacking.

The opposite of any lacking in life is easy to trace. Taking reward has an attraction of suffering as a result. The obvious answer is to suffer instead to attract reward. I call this the law of returns. Simply choose to suffer and reward follows. Suffering work for an education ends in a good job. Suffering a car payment ends in a car to drive. Suffer anything that represents good work and reward is earned. Suffer love for a mate and a family follows. Love is not always a reward. It takes work to get the reward.

I have just outlined the magic secret to living life well. This secret originates with love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13 and is the love we experience by loveing others first. Love can only give.

Choose to suffer and be filled.