[D&G] Trapped Within

[D&G] Trapped Within
Introduction:
October 25, 2011


Hello, my name is Willa, I am 28 years old and I have something called Agoraphobia. I never leave the house. I have no fewer than 5 locks on the door and two chains. I own a gun, but I never have been outside of the house to learn how to shoot it, but my papa taught me how to load it, so it is loaded. He says it is simple anyways you just aim it; point at the object you wanna hit and pull the trigger. It’s an older one, and has no safety; it was Papa’s from before time. Just kidding, Papa is not that old! I live in a small cottage on the outskirts of town; it was left to me by Papa’s momma and daddy. I just got this computer today; my Papa bought it over for me, it’s my birthday. He says that the Doc says it may help me “form normal social bonds” with some others online. He says it may help me to cure my fear. The Doc thinks by forming some friendships online that it will be my first step to becoming better at human interaction. He told me about this forum that others like me have been going on for “group therapy” from home. Oh, I do have meds and Doc sees me at my home once every month to check up and Papa comes by most every day and brings me groceries and water, feminine products, whatever I need. Doc is alright, I known him since I was a little girl. He’s always been my Doc.

I don’t remember ever not being afraid of everything and everybody. As long as I lived the terror gripped me and stifled my breathing. The first day of Kindergarten I stopped breathing from the fear and passed out and was rushed to the Emergency Room. It was then that I was diagnosed. I was then sent to the custody of the local state run mental hospital. All my lessons were given to me by a tutor, as the state required, and being that I would be able to take care of myself for the most part without help; the state knew that I would be out of their hands when I reached 18. So they taught me everything I would need. Cooking, cleaning, reading, math, and sciences were taught to me, but only one teacher at a time could work with me. If there were more than one person around me I feared they would take all the air and I would die of losing air to breathe. And they were scary. They all looked dead, like Zombies, everybody but Papa looks like Zombies to me just like in Night of the Living Dead, you know that movie? They are even in black and white like that movie. I saw it once when I was 8 on the TV at the mental hospital’s movie night, they always forced me to go to movie night. I knew it wasn’t real, besides I couldn’t tell the difference anyways, because all people look like that to me. Everything else is in color, but people. Papa is in color, but he’s the only one. But, once I got used to the teachers that did come, as long as they were the same few, I learned not to panic anymore. Their voices were always very nice.

When I was just a baby, my mama disappeared. She just went missing and nobody’s seen her since. From then on it was always me and Papa alone. I never really left the house before school, that’s how come we didn’t know of my little problem. Papa always had someone sit with me, but since they were the same neighbor since I was a baby, I knew their voice. But, from the neighbor’s mouth, I would scream as a baby for hours for the longest time when she watched me, Papa told me once. Then she says one day, I just stopped when she talked to me. She then told Papa that every time she watched me, she would always announce herself and I never screeched again for her. Back in those days nobody really knew a lot about this kind of illness. That’s why my Papa didn’t realize my problems; he just thought I was crying because he left.

Well that’s my story. I know that most the people reading this also have some kind of phobia and I plan on reading your stories, too. It’s now very late; the Agoraphobia keeps me up pretty late sometimes, and the nightmares. They are the worse. The sleeping pills are supposed to help, but it never stops the endless nightmares. So long for now, I pray I survive another night in the darkness, alone. If I do I will be back again this time next week, maybe sooner.
Signing off,
Willa


This is not a real story, this is totally fiction about someone who suffers from agoraphobia, how I imagine it would be!!!

This is the first installment there will be more parts...

Thanks for reading!!!

S/F and very , very deep. Very creative and imaginative... Thanks.

reply to post by CherubBaby


Thank you very much!
I appreciate it!

reply to post by ldyserenity


Love it.

Give us more.

Installment #2
Second forum entry:
The Nightmares have come again
October 31, 2011
Hello it’s me again, Willa. Last night the nightmares were so awful. I think I should never sleep again. I feel so very small and I am sitting in something. Everything and everybody seems so huge, everything is in black and white. There are men and women standing over me laughing hysterically, their faces gruesome and contorted chuckling in the evilest of ways. They are draped in some kind of cloaks with hoods on them, making it difficult to tell who is female and who is male. The only way I can tell is by the pitch of their voices. It is scaring me and my heart is racing, I almost cannot breathe. The people are covered in red, their lips dripping with something that looks like dark red paint, their eyes wild with malice. I hear from a distance a blood curdling scream, it is definitely female, but it is almost inhuman, more animalistic than anything. It’s a terrible sound and it jolts me awake in a cold sweat. The sheets and thin blanket are soaked with that sweat, my heart pumping, awake in the darkness breathing heavily. Will the nightmares ever cease? What does it all mean? I cannot stop it; it’s the same nightmare almost every night, but this time of year they are more persistent and loads more intense. I wish that I knew how to end it all. Why won’t they just go away?
It must have to do with this illness I have. The fear it never leaves me, even to where it invades my dreams.
It is Halloween and I am alone, as usual. I like it that way. No trick or treaters ever come around out here this far into the country. The darkness envelopes the house like a black sheet making shadows against shadows. I never keep lights on outside so that people will think the house is empty. That way no one bothers me. I have no decorations so if anyone does venture this far they will not think anybody is here to give them candy.
I am going to sign off now and have my dinner. I hope you all have sweet dreams, unlike me.
Willa
Offline
After signing off the forum, she shuts down the computer and walks over to her little dining table in the small kitchen where she always takes her meals. Tonight she is having spaghetti and meatballs, her favorite meal. Her phone rings and she goes to answer it. It’s her Papa. “Hi Papa” she greets him cheerfully, when she hears his voice say “hello.” Her Papa says “I just wanted to see if you were still awake, my dear, I have some things to bring to you, and wanted to make sure you would be awake for me to drop these things off.” Though it seemed odd for her papa to come over this late in the evening, she thought nothing of his late visit, she couldn’t wait to see the one person that could always make her feel better.

I promise it will be concluded by the deadline of the contest!

reply to post by ldyserenity


Oh wow ldy this is intriguing,
I sense a cult them here. I wonder if I’m right

love and harmony
Whateva x x x

Originally posted by Whateva69
reply to post by ldyserenity

 

Oh wow ldy this is intriguing,

I sense a cult them here. I wonder if I’m right

love and harmony
Whateva x x x

edit on 31/10/11 by Whateva69 because: doh

Good catch.
You are right!!!

reply to post by ldyserenity


Excellent !!

There are probably a whole lot of Willas out there. Caught inside a vicious circle.

Looking forward to more !

S&F !

reply to post by ldyserenity


Looking forward to the end. As always, ldy, I enjoyed this. S&F