Good people of ATS... Need some advice.

reply to post by spw184

Hmmm you offer a couple of viewpoints here. Ok well straight up I'm gonna say I don't think it's a pity date. Ive been there before both as the giver and reciever but she has no reason to pity me. Besides she offered her number to me without me asking and although my first advance was denied, by the end of the night she was the one pashing me but good you brought it up as its another horizon to explore.
As far as gf material, she certainly would be but that's a big step for me regardless of her situation. Having kids is always something to take into consideration so any potential relationship won't spring up over night. Like you and every other reply has stated, don't go there with this one and unfortunately it's the right call in this instance.
A fcuk buddy is always a good option but she's prob not the type to be for that idea... Although I could be wrong. I guess if she was really keen on me then she would be up for it and hope that after a few touch ups from me that I would get attached.... Hate to be sly and sleazy but I've got a pretty good grip on my emotions so that would only happen if I allowed it to.
As a mate that's a given. She's a great girl so at the very least being friends works for me (she's got some "hot to trot mates" that could be of benefit to me )
Cheers for your reply buddy

reply to post by greenfox83


reply to post by greenfox83


An unexpected insight... Hi Penelope
Ok well she's still with the bf it's just not going well but I think it's been like that a while. She hasn't left him for me as such and she has stated that if anything were to happen between us, it would take time and she would like to sort stuff out with him first.
She was not all over me in a slutty way the other night, it took some hard work to get even a bit of a pash. I don't think she's out every weekend picking guys up and cheating on her bf.
She told me she wouldn't ever and has never cheated and I know that's up to me to believe but she was very genuine. We chatted for hours and had a pretty deep conversation and connected really well. I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that's the only reason I even got a little kiss and not something she would normally do so doubt she will meet someone before I'm back and leave her bf for whoever else... Although to not be naive, I could very well be wrong.
I'm thinking just to be straight out with it and honest with her. Tell her what I don't like bout her situation and that she should definitely deal with that while I'm gone if she want to have a go with me. But in saying that, every other reply in this thread is echoing in my mind like a jackhammer so it's something that needs careful consideration if I was to pursue it. I'm having my doubts unless of course she's happy with just a bit of fun.
Thanks again Penelope

Dinner is BAD, lunch is GOOD.

Dinner suggests other things, lunch is just friendly.

Just staying friendly keeps her unable to use you. Staying friends for lunch etc leaves the door open if she were to break up. But dinner, NO, NO, NO! Highway to Hell!

reply to post by sceptredisle


Not a bad suggestion there.. Could be an angle worth pursuing.
Thanks!

Thanks to everyone for you replies and advice. It's been a tremendous help.
I haven't completely decided what I'll do yet but I'll take everything you've all said into consideration before I make a decision.
Maybe I'll confront her and tell her the pitfalls of the situation to see how she reacts, we will see....
Once again cheers everyone

A golden rule of relationships:

Relationships that begin with the last men around (like cheating, or its a fresh wound for the lady) will always end the same way. Saw this to often in my life with other people:

If the girl cheated menX with you, you will be the next menX in line. Saw a (I dont want to call her friend but I know her) if mine rushing through 3 relationships. It went this way:

Man A + Girl
-> Girl cheats ManA with ManB
Man B + Girl in relationship
-> Girl cheats ManB with Man C
Man C + Girl in relationship

she did make sure that she always had it "better" with the next guy. upgrading so to say.
dont fool yourself. wait some weeks. If shes in a relationship then, pain could not be too hard for her. So I asume love was not strong either. RED FLAG

the best way to solve this is take a step back and put yourself in everybodys shoes, so her fella will no doubt be pretty annoyed and put a strain on things if she did end up with you straight after there relationship, she's obviously fairly young and not independant because she cant swim instead she goes from boat to boat so to speak. can you be with a women who MAY be with you while dating another guy because he has something that she can gain from?

maybe i read it wrong but to me, i get the impression shes a very attractive women who knows it.

secondly do you want to be a possible rebound? IF she isnt materialistic?

If its ment to be it will be, just be there for here and in time im sure you will know what you BOTH want, if not im sure you'll both have a few passionate moments threw you time and if you get nothiing else well atleast you have a beautyfull friend who will introduce you to other's



good luck

p.s if she does have fit mates pm me roflamo just joking, peace

Dinner is a bad idea when your mouth is full of food you cannot be impressing her with your charm, and wit. Meet her, and her friend for a drink and venue bounce at least twice. Give both of them equal attention and let them pay for drinks as well. Don't treat it as a date treat as just another night out, and don't be afraid to talk to any other women you might encounter. Chat with the bar tender be relaxed, and maintain a cgaf attitude pay more attention to their actions, and less to what they say. Play it right and you might end up bedding both of them. Aim high my friend